Expert: Pastor Don Carpenter - 10/28/2009

Question
My name is Emily and I'm 18 years old, nearly 19. All my life I've had problems at home and I've been self-harming since I was 14. I really don't want to do this anymore, and everytime i break down I pray for God to help me get through it, to give me strength, but it feels like He isn't listening. Things are just so hard right now and I read somewhere that God gives us challenges in life to make us stronger. The thing is, I don't think I'm getting stronger. I just feel like I'm getting weaker, and every day is even harder to get through than the last.

I try to remember the bible verse "by His stripes you are healed" but what about my stripes? The stripes I've cut into my own arm when it feels like God has abandoned me? Is He actually watching me, listening to me? Why won't He let me know if He is here or not? I'm sick and tired and feeling completely alone, and I don't know who to talk to! I really really don't want to hurt myself anymore, but I can't seem to help it. I've prayed so many times for the strength to get through this but it really seems that God can't hear me.

I'm really sorry this is so long, but I just can't stop crying lately, and I've spent almost 5 years cutting myself. I don't want to do it anymore, I just want to be healed. Will God ever forgive me? I hope you can help me, I don't know where else to turn. Thanks in advance.

Answer
Hi Emily,

THanks for this great question.  I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I cannot answer all of your questions, but there are some that I can absolutely answer.

1.  You absolutely promises to forgive you if you come to Him and ask.

1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

2.  You need to speak with your pastor face to face.  I believe that he will help you in a way that I cannot.  God has given you someone that is directly responsable for your spiritual growth and safety... go to your pastor... he is ready willing and able to help you.

Hebrews 13:17
17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.  

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

3.  God hears you even if you don't think He does.  Rather than trying to make God submit to your demands for attention, submit to His and He will meet you where you stand.

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

Psalm 37:4-5
4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.  
The King James Version, (Cambridge: Cambridge) 1769.

I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don