AboutJonathan Expertise I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.
Experience I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).
Question I'm a 13 year old girl who just recently has had guys starting to ask me out a lot. I'm going into 8th grade, the last year of middle school, and three people have asked me out this summer. I've turned them all down for a number of reasons, the most important one being that I don't want to date until high school. I can see that these boys are smart, but this dating doesn't lead to anything. Have you ever seen a person who married their "middle school sweetheart"? I'm not really allowed to hang out unsupervised, and only one of these guys goes to my school. Another reason why I'd rather wait is because these guys aren't really that mature either and the worst thing that could happen is that they would want to do something sexual like hand jobs or oral. I'm not doing any of that, no sex until marriage. It just seems to me that these relationships could mean more and lead to more (not sex but maybe a relationship that lasts beyond high school) if I let people ripen a bit. I know I'm not missing out on anything, but what should I do? And what if I like someone, what do I do with those feelings? Doesn't it seem unfair to say "I like you, but I'm not going to date you."? Please help me!
-Nia
Answer Hi Nia, You show exceptional maturity and understanding for a 13 year old. I congratulate you. Some 13 year olds write and say they have been going out with a boy for two weeks and now they are ready to have sex. You have the ability to have a god influence on other girls your age and older. Now to answer your question. Yes ir sure seems unfair to tell a boy that you like him and then reject him. Boys do not deal with rejection very well at all. You cannot say for sure that you are not missing out on anything. If you like somone then admit it to yourself and then if the guys asks you and you like him what harm can it do to you? If the boy thinks he can take liberties with you tell him if that is what he is looking for then we are through. In short do not try to deny the feelings you have. If you are angey or upset then do not try to pretend you are not. If you like someone they do not pretend that you do not. Boys do not need handjobs or oral. They already masturbate n their own once or twice a day. You are not here to satisfy their sexual feelings. And you can tell them that upfront the first time they try to bring it up so there is ni misunderstanding. If the boys says he wants to break up because you will not then just tell him "so do I". If you want to play tennis with a boy and this is a good sport to learn because you can play it all your life. The best advice I can give you on how you feel about waiting until marriage for sex is to never compromise your standards. Young people today just do not semm to understand that the sexualy transmitted diseases of today were just not as prevalent a generation ago. No one ever heard of aids until 1981. I never heard of genital herpes in my school years. Now one in five adults is said to have it. Chalmydia is so common today that most boys and girls would not know they contracted it until they are tested for it. Any of these can severly limit your prospects for marriage in the future. In my workplace a man had a girlfriend and he was planning on getting married to her until he found out 18 months later she had contracted genital herpes in college. She concealed this fact. Once he confronted her she admitted it. The relationship ended. Sex is not love and love is not sex. They are not the same at all. Love is what really matters and is what committed marriages are based upon. Its ok to go out with a boy, hold hands, kiss and hug and talk and go places together. But its not ok to be with a boy alone at his home or yours or at someone elses home alone. And its never approprite to sit on a bed with a boy anywhere.If you want to know what love is like get a hold of a copy of The New American Standard version of the bible. Then look up in the book of First Corinthians, Chapter 13. These are the greatest words ever written about love that I have ever seen. You can read it in other versions but The New American Standard Version seems to say it best.
