Expert: Jonathan - 6/10/2009

Question
Hello, I'm 14 and im having a lot of problems with my mom. She just completley treats me like some kind of kid that doesnt care and is spoiled by my father. Which im neither i had straight a's this year in school. And she doesnt understand that i work with my father on my weekends to buy things that i get. She yells, screams things that make no sence. Makes senceless rules. I've talked to my father who highly objects to this behavior from her. But he works a lot  because my mom quit her job so he's going to school to be a teacher, student teaching, and doing landscaping (which is what i help him with on my weekends) i feel like my mom takes no time out to even try and communicate with me. Just about 25 minutes ago we had this big fight over all things, a drink. She wouldnt let me buy a pop. I'm 14 i think im able to handle a pop. She doesnt let me take walks when i want to go run and train for highschool soccer. I spend endless hours watching my 6 year old brother, who watchs teevee all day, while my mom sleeps. I mean have a done something wrong to deserve this? I diseck my conscience at night trying to find what it is..I come up with nothing. What can I do?

Answer
Hi Cody,  I will make some comments in capital letters so you will easily see them.  Im not shouting.  Forgive any typos as i donot have time to proofread.



Hello, I'm 14 and im having a lot of problems with my mom. She just completley treats me like some kind of kid that doesnt care and is spoiled by my father.SHE SEES HIM AS BUYING YOU THINGS WHICH SHE DOES NOT OR CANNOT DO.  SHE ALSO SEEMS TO BE ASUMING THE ROLE OF BOTH MOTHER AND FATHER AND IS WHAT MOST PEOPLE WOULD CALL A "CONTROL FREAK"   SHE HAS LITTLE OR NO CONTROL OVER HER OWN LIFE BUT SHE CAN CONTROL THOSE CLOSEST TO HER LIKE YOU.

Which im neither i had straight a's this year in school.VERY GOOD

And she doesnt understand that i work with my father on my weekends to buy things that i get.SHE KNOWS BUT DOES NOT LIKE IT .

She yells, screams things that make no sence. Makes senceless rules.RULES LIKE "BECAUSE I SAID SO" OR BECAUSE iI TOLD YOU TO DO THIS."  YES SHE MAY BE SOMEWHAT JEALOUS OF THE FINE RELATIONSHIP YOU AND YOUR FATHER ARE HAVING AND HOW YOUR FATHER REWARDS YOU BUT YOU ALSO HAVE EARNED IT.  SHE MAY ALSO BE LOOKING FOR ATTENTION THAT SHE IS NOT GETTING BUT SHE SEES YOU AS GETTING THE ATTENTION SHE FEELS SHE DESERVES.

I've talked to my father who highly objects to this behavior from her. But he works a lot because my mom quit her job so he's going to school to be a teacher, student teaching, and doing landscaping (which is what i help him with on my weekends) i feel like my mom takes no time out to even try and communicate with me.YOUR ARE PROBABLY RIGHT.  YOU SOUND LIKE A FINE CHILD THAT MOST PARENTS WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE.  BUT THASTS NOT AT ALL HOW SHE SEES IT.  THERE IS PROBABLY JEALOUSLY AND RESENTMENT AT THE CORE OF THIS AND SHE IS TAKING IT OUT ON YOU SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE CAN.

Just about 25 minutes ago we had this big fight over all things, a drink.THIS SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.  A TRIFLE IN THE LARGER SCHEME OF THINGS.  SHE WANTS TO HAVE THE LAST WORD ON EVERYTHING.

She wouldnt let me buy a pop. I'm 14 i think im able to handle a pop. She doesnt let me take walks when i want to go run (I'LL BET THERE IS NO GOOD REASON WHY SHE WILL NOT LET YOU OTHER THAN ITS NOT HER IDEA AND SHE WANTS TO KEEP YOU UNDER HER THUMB).

and train for highschool soccer.I'M SORT OF A REBEL SO I WOULD GO ANYWAY.

I spend endless hours watching my 6 year old brother, who watchs teevee all day, while my mom sleepsSHE NEEDS YOU AS A FREE BABYSITTER AND SHE MAY HAVE OTHER PROBLEMS LIKE PERHAPS A DEPRESSION.  SHE MAY BE ON SOME MEDICATIONS WHICH YOU HAVE NOT MENTIONED.  OR SHE MAY HAVE AN ALCOHOL PROBLEM OR SOME OTHER REASON WHY SHE IS SLEEPING ALL DAY.

I mean have a done something wrong to deserve this? MOST LIKELY NOTHING AT ALL.

I diseck my conscience at night trying to find what it isNO YOU WON'T FIND ANYTHING.  SHE WANTS CONTROL OVER THOSE AROUND HER AND SINCE YOUR FATHER IS NOT THERE , YOU ARE THE NEAREST ONE.

..I come up with nothing. What can I do? SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER AND WRITE ALL THIS DOWN SO YOU DO NOT FORGET ANYTHING.  SINCE THE SUMMER IS COMING ON YOU NEED TO BE OUTSIDE WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND SPENDING TIME OUTDOORS.  YOUR 6 YEAR OLD SHOULD NOT BE SPEDNING ALL HIS LIFE GLUED TO A TV SET.  THATS UNHEALTHY IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.  PERHAPS YOU CAN BRING HIM WITH YOU AND SEE TO IT THAT SOMEONE WHERE YOU GO CAN KEEP AN EYE ON HIM BUT MAKE SURE NOTHING HAPPENS TO HIM OR YOU WILL BEAR THE BRUNT OF ALL HER ANGER.   IN THE MEANTIME SHE IS MAKING YOU ANGRY AND YOU HAVE NO WAY TO EXPRESS THIS ANGER SO ITS AN UNHEALTHY SCENE FOR YOU EMOTINALLY AND MENTALLY.  ITS REALLY AN ABNORMAL SITUATION TO EXPECT A 14 YEAR OLD BOY TO STAY IN THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME.

SINCE SHE IS AN ADULT AND YOU ARE A CHILD SHE HAS ALL AUTHORITY AND RIGHTS OVER YOU AND AS A CHILD YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS WHATEVER.  THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY.  A CHUILD CANNOT PLAYA LOTTERY GAME AND WIN THE MONEY OR ENTER A CONTEST TO WIN MONEY BUT THE COMPANIES DO NOT MIND TAKING THE CHILDRENS MONEY FOR WHAT THEY ARE BUYING.  UNDER THE LAW THE PARENTS HAVE ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY OVER THEOR CHILDREN.  I WAS HIT BY A CAR WHEN I WAS ABOUT 8 OR 9 AND THE INSURANCE PAID ME $500 BUT I NEVER SAW ANY OF IT.  MY MOTHER USED THE MONEY.  SO YOU SEE I SUFFERED BUT SHE TOOK THE MONEY.  THESE ARE TERRIBLE LAWS AND THEY ARE NOT IN THE BEST INTEREST OF A CHILD OR MINOR (ANYONE UNDER 18).  i SUGGEST YOU HAVE YOUR FATHER STERNLY TELL HER AND NOT TALK TO HER THAT YOU BE ALLOWED TO GO TO SOCCER PRACTICE AND YOU BE ALLOWED TO SPEND YOUR OWN MONEY THAT YOU HAVE EARNED.  NEVER LEND MONEY TO ANYONE AND ALWAYS KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. IF YOUR MOM WANTS TO HOLD SOME OF YOUR MONEY IT IS ANOTHER CONTROL GRAB.  IF SHE TAKES ANYTHING YOU BOUGHT WITH THE MONEY YOUR FATHER GAVE YOU TELL OR CALL YOUR FATHER RIGHT AWAY.  SHE NEEDS TO TAKE RERSPONSIBILITY FOR HER OWN LIFE AND TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR TAKING CARE OF YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER. IF YOU NEED MORE HELP OR OTHER OPTIONS JUST ASK A FOLLOWUP.