AboutJonathan Expertise I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.
Experience I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).
Question Hello my names Amber and I'm 15. I HATE my mom and it's because of the abuse, I no she emotocanaly abuse's me and I want to die because of it. She yells at me all the time over little things like cleaning my room when my roon is clean just not her kind of clean and her kind of clean id neat freak clean and thats not me. I try my hardest to live up to her expetctations but I can't do anything right in her eyes and I get yelled ans screamed at for it. Back in grade 9 (I am in grade 10 going into grade 11 now) she would get into this state of mind where she would just punch me and hit me the she would click out of it, relize what she did and want to hug and kiss me saying she sorry. I even made up a plan a few weeks ago that when i'm 18 i'm going to move out (save up money to rent a small house) and never speak or have contact with her again and today I decided i'm going to wait for my mom and grandma to leave (my grandma lives with us) and go upstares and get as much food that I can get and hide it in my droor then stay in my room only comming up for school and to go to the bathroom. She never lets me go anywere or do anything and if I am upstares she yells at me when she gets home and tells me to go downstares. Both her and my grandma tease me like ther playing but I hate it and tell them to stop because I don't like is but they keep going. I have only eaten a bagel from tim hortons today (that was at 12:00 it's now 6:00) becausse my mom or my grandma never buy the things I like to eat only what they like, I went to get food to hide down in my room and there were only three things I could grab. And as for my plan to save up money from my job to move out my mom said she is going to take money from my pay cheak to pay some of the bills and telling me I have to buy my own food witch ok sure i'll buy my own food but i'm also going to be saving up for vet teh school and vet school (putting $20.00 away every pay cheak) and $300.00 to get one of my dogs fixed the like $250.00 to get my other dog fixed and I'll have to buy my own cloths I don't want to pay the bills to. I really really don't no what to do I want to kill myself and sit alone in my room and cry every time she screams at me witch it at least 3 times a day unless I stay in my room (even there i'm not safe) I no I only have 3 years left but I don't no if I can last that long. She's even makeing me switch highschool's when i'm starting grade 11 and I don't even no anyone. I'm very sorry for my spelling and grammer. (I'm te worst speller)
Answer Hi Amber, Your mother appears to be taking out her frustrations on you because you are the nearest person who she can do so with. If you are feeling like killing yourself over this abuse and if you are or were being hit then you can call or visit an office of child protective services. It may not get you out of yiour house but it will trigger a visit to your mother and put her on notice that she is being watched and she needs to stop taking her problems out on you. naturally they will want to see your room so tidy it up as you like it. Its hard to live with a neat freak. By her yelling at you and her teasing you she and your grandmother are not helping your self esteem. Why do you have to change high schools? She cannot take any money out of your pay check unless you agree to give her some of your money. So for that reason when you start to work I suggest you tell your employer that you want your paycheck to be direct deposited into your bank account. Most everyone today can do this. All you need is a savings account or a checking account and tell your employer the account number and the bank or credit unions routing number and thats all they need. Your money will automatically go into your account each payday. You will not havr to visit the bank or dredit union which is preferable to a bank. If you cash your check there is too much of a tempatation to spend it all right away then you will not be able to save. A credit union should not charge you any fees to have a savings account there and or a checking account. If they do then leave and go elsewhere. Some banks seem to want to charge you for anything and everything today. If so they run from banks like that. You do not want any place that charges you account maintenance fees or other fees or per check charges. If she asks where is your money tell her you spent it. You also do not have to have a bank statement sent to your home you can tell the bank that you you do not want a paper statement sent to your home. Instead tell them you want paperless stastements sent to your "private email" so only you will know how much money you have saved. Do not print out anything or keep any records at home where others can find them or see them. If you are not being fed properly be sure to mention that to child protective services. You can call them or make a visit yourself which would be better. You do not want them to get the idea you just do not get along with your mother. You want them to know you have been hit , you are being screamed at for trifles, you are not being fed properly. Also tell the child protective services that your mom said you have to buy your own food. Your mother is legally obligated by law to support you until you are 21 or leave your home. This means she has to provide food clothing and a living space and medical care. You do not have to pay one dime for this at all. You might be better off in a foster home. Do not be nice and minimize what your mom has done to you and how she has treated you. You should be able to talk to social servies in confidential surrroundings without your mother or grandma present. If you have any scars or bruises from your mom be sure to show them to the child protective services people. Do not lie or make up something that is not true. Just tell the truth.
