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Question My name is john doe and I'm 21 years old with a teenage mind at least until I had my first child. Ok so here is my history I never really considered myself depressed but I lose the will to live sometimes and urge to kill sometimes. My emotions are so confusing. I have so much hate and resentment towards myself and others. I fail at everything because I either have conflict or it just get boring to me easily.I will say my parents divorced when I was younger and I always think to myself what would I be like if they were still together. I still live with my mother because I failed in the military and my lazy financial sense. My mother hates every decision that I make. sometimes I have a feeling she hates me seriously or either regrets me. She had a horrible childhood or so she says, being raised by my stern grandmother with a lot of siblings and possibly sexually abused. She has admit she had counseling while she served in the military. My mother protected me and made all my decisions even when I went to the military. She some how managed to make me depend on her by helping me with things like building credit and getting a new car. Eventually I became dependant on her again as I started drinking and getting in trouble in the military at 19. I was very far away from home and I plotted on killing myself for the time I was there. I felt alone and misunderstood. My mother gladly accepted my misbehavior and wanted me to come home. I also got arrested in the military for basically vandalism while I was drunk. I got into a argument and the guy i rode with put me out his car next thing you know they charged me with burglary of a dwelling but the case failed because I only broke a window and someone else happened to rob the place after or before me.My mom drove all the way to my base and got me out of jail. I supposedly learned my lesson from drinking, but I continually misbehaved in the military because how they were treating me as if I was a horrible person. which is untrue because I did my job when there and got along with everyone at work.I finally got put out the military and came back home with alot money. I paid my bills and wasted the rest I wasn't really working. I was still living at home and met my 18 year old girlfriend and got her pregnant. she was so mad at me but then got over it. during that time I found a job and lost it because of my inability to concentrate with getting my girlfriend pregnant. so then I couldn't get the job I was qualified for because of my record with the burglary case which was really reduced to misdemeanor. It doesn't really show my full case in detail on my background check it comes off like I'm a natural criminal. so very frustrated I starting smoking weed and drinking I got arrested again (disorderly conduct)for shoving a bouncer that wanted me top leave a club. with my second arrest it was very hard for me to get a job. My mother seems as if she was loving me less and letting me go. She said I still can stay at home if I needed. I really feel like nothing like I'm scum or something. I haven't been really happy since high school we i had less responsibility. The only reason I'm still living is because of my wife to be and my daughter. I still haven't found a job and at home. my Mother will not come to the wedding because she don't like me getting married with no money or job yet. we badly planned the wedding and my family can't come because they mostly are on vacation or have to work. just my friend and my cousin. I feel so bad and low for almost every adhesion i made myslef. Now I'm really losing my dreams and life goals completely. My emotions had a small void when I was younger but now that time past It turned into a big gaping hole of fire. my mother told me I used to be very humble and gentle. now i feel I'm the same way but its to much pressure on me alone to live with my mistakes help me please tell me something I love god but I need a answer in human form.
Answer Hi,
I am not a psychologist so I cannot honestly say. This appears to be a form of depression. If this is depression it is not your fault. I highly recommend seeing a psychologist ASAP. They can help you out. Please talk to your doctor and a psychologist ASAP. Please ask follow ups
