AboutJonathan Expertise I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.
Experience I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).
Question 17yo my parents are very strict. They're not the perfectionist type parents who need you to get straight As' and maintain your weight. I love my parents and know I have learned many good things from them, and i've tried hard to be a good son, and to abide by their rules, but its just too much now. My parents believe, and I think its their false religious conviction that I am not suppost to have a girlfriend until I am well out of highschool. They're ok with me going on dates with girls, but not with me having a girlfriend. They also believe that every time one hangs out with the opposite sex outside of school or church, that they are dating that person. theyre fine with me doing this, but they have a rule that I cant "date" the same person twice in a row, and that I have to date 2 different girls before I hang out with the same girl twice. also when I hang out with a girl, my parents need to have met her first, and I need to go on what they call a "double date", every time, which means I have to have two other people with me every time I hang out with a girl. my parents also expect the girl to always wear clothing that covers the shoulders and everything down to the knees. if these standards aren't met I have hardly any chance of hanging out with her with my parents consent. my girlfriend recently broke up with me largely because she didn't want to sneak around my parents all the time. she meant a lot to me, and many other girls Ive liked couldn't understand why I couldn't spend much time with them. its hard to maintain relationships when you can't be with a girl outside of school. its also very hard to maintain friendship in my situation. all through highschool this has caused me heartbreak and lost friendship. my parents are to stuborn to admit that they're to strict. they get very angry and defensive whenever I try to bring it up. they have other strict rules about other things, and they falsely believe that their rules are divinly inspired. if I break them, there will be a huge conflict. if I tell my parents how I really feel, they will believe I am sinning against god. their rules will only get stricter as I fight them. I feel trapped. like there's no way out until I graduate from highschool. im about to lose it and let my parents have it. I've been dealing with this for to long now. but I don't think losing it will really help. I need help. what should I do? like get counseling for my parents or something? how do I do that?
Answer Hi Matt, Thanks for your kind words. If you get restricted even more then try not to "lose it". It won't do you any good and will only make your young life worse or affect you for the rest of your life. If you get so frustrated that you feel like hurting yourself due to this 'overly" strict attitude you are having to endure then make sure you contact me before you think of or do anything. I will help you.
Hi Matt, I will make some comments so you will easily see them. Im not shouting.
17yo my parents are very strict. They're not the perfectionist type parents who need you to get straight As' and maintain your weight. I love my parents and know I have learned many good things from them, and i've tried hard to be a good son, and to abide by their rules, but its just too much now. YES YOU ARE STRIVING FOR INDEPENDENCE AND REALIZE THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT YOUR WHOLE WORLD LIKE THEY WERE AT ONE TIME. yOU ARE LOOKING FOR A LOVE OBJECT OUTSIDE YOUR IMMEIDATE FAMILY NOW.
My parents believe, and I think its their false religious conviction that I am not suppost to have a girlfriend until I am well out of highschool.I THINK THEY ARE BELIEVING THAT IF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THAT EVENTUALLY YOU AND SHE WILL BEGIN TO GET TOO FAMILAIR AND START DOING THINGS OF A SEXUAL NATURE. AND THIS OF COURSE DOES HAPPEN. AND THEY KNOW THIS.
THATS PROBABLY AT THE ROOT OF THEIR CONCERN AND THE BASIS FOR THEIR RULES OR THAT IS WHAT THE PASTOR OF THEIR CHURCH IS TELLING THEM AND OTHER PARENTS.
They're ok with me going on dates with girls, but not with me having a girlfriend. They also believe that every time one hangs out with the opposite sex outside of school or church, that they are dating that person. theyre fine with me doing this, but they have a rule that I cant "date" the same person twice in a row, and that I have to date 2 different girls before I hang out with the same girl twice.THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO DATE SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT PARTICULARLY ATTRACTED TO JUST TO SATISFY THEIR IDEA OF SEXUAL PURITY.
also when I hang out with a girl, my parents need to have met her first,IN A WAY I DO NOT THINK THAT IS UNREASONABLE HOWEVER DON'T ASK WHAT IS THE DEFINAITION OF 'REASONABLE" BECAUSE YOU WILL GET MANY DIFFERENT ANSWERS FROM PEOPLE.
and I need to go on what they call a "double date", every time, which means I have to have two other people with me every time I hang out with a girl. YES THEY FIGURE THAT NOTHIBNG OF A SEXUAL NATURE WILL OCCUR SINCE THEY EACH ACT AS CHAPERONES FOR EACH OTHER. tHE ONLY WAY AROUND THAT IS TO GO OUT TOGETHER AND THEY COME BACK TOGETHER BUT DO YOUR OWN THING WHEN YOU LEAVE THEIR HOUSE.
my parents also expect the girl to always wear clothing that covers the shoulders and everything down to the knees. WHAT ABOUT JEANS OR ARE THEY THINKING DRESSES OR A SKIRT???????
if these standards aren't met I have hardly any chance of hanging out with her with my parents consent. my girlfriend recently broke up with me largely because she didn't want to sneak around my parents all the time. I UNDERSTAND.
she meant a lot to me, and many other girls Ive liked couldn't understand why I couldn't spend much time with them. its hard to maintain relationships when you can't be with a girl outside of school. MEET THEM AT THE LIBRARY OR AT THE MALL OR AT A FAST FOOD PLACE OR AT A TENNIS COURT.
its also very hard to maintain friendship in my situation. all through highschool this has caused me heartbreak and lost friendship.I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING AND I SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU.
my parents are to stuborn to admit that they're to strict. THEY ARE BUYING INTO WHATEVER CHURCH THEY BELONG TO. I WONDER IF THE CHURCH IS AFFILIATED WITH BOB JONES UNIVERSITY OR IS A BAPTIST CHURCH OR A CHURCH THAT BELIEVES IN SPANKING LITTLE KIDS AND GOES BY THE OLD TESTAMENT FOR CHILD DISCIPLINE?
they get very angry and defensive whenever I try to bring it up. OF COURSE THEY ARE INTO THEIR CHURCH AND EXPECT YOU TO BE ALSO AND THEY SEE YOU AS BEING REBELLIOUS IF YOU DO NOT GO ALONG WITH THEIR IDEAS. OR THE PASTORS IDEAS.
they have other strict rules about other things, and they falsely believe that their rules are divinly inspired.THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN A P;URPOSE TO HOW YOUNG PEOPLE RELATE TO EACH OTHER. IN THE CHURCH I GO TO ITS AFFILIATED WITH BOB JONES IN GREENSBORO S.C. AND THE KIDS THERE DO NOT REALLY GO ON DATES EITHER. THEY SEE EACH OTHER AT CHURCH BUT IF THEY WANT TO BE TOGETHER IT HAS TO BE AT THE GIRLS HOUSE OR AT THE GUYS HOUSE WITH THE PARENTS PRESENT. MY FRIEND IS ABOUT 24 AND THE GIRL HE LIKES IS JUST TURNING 18 AND JUST ABOUT FINISHED WITH HIGH SCHOOL (HOME SCHOOLED TOO) THEY ALL WANT THEIR CHIDREN TO BE HOME SCHOOLED. I SUSPECT HE WILL EVENTUALLY GET MARRIED TO HER IN SPITE OF THE AGE DIFFERENCE.
if I break them, there will be a huge conflict. YES OF COURSE YOU WILL BE SEEN AS BEING UNGRATEFUL AND IN REBELLION.
if I tell my parents how I really feel, they will believe I am sinning against god. IM NOT SO SURE OF THAT. YOU SEE MY FRIEND IS INVOLVED IN COURTING. THATS NOT DATING. YOU SEE THE GIRL AT HER PARENTS HOUSE UNDER THEIR SUPERVISON , THIS PREVENTS ANY KIND OF SEXUAL ACTIVITY BEFORE MARRIAGE. THEY DO NOT WANT THEIR DAUGHTER PREGNANT AT THE ALTAR AND YOUR PARENTS DON'T WANT YOU TO MAKE A GIRL PREGNANT AND THEY HAVE TO GET MARRIED TO HER.
their rules will only get stricter as I fight them. I feel trapped. like there's no way out until I graduate from highschool. im about to lose it and let my parents have it. NOW YOU HAVE TO HOLD ON HERE AND WHEN YOU SAY LOSE IT DO YOU MEAN GET VIOLENT? I KNOW THAT THOUGHTS LIKE THAT DO GO THROUGH OUR MINDS FROM TIME TO TIME WHEN WE SEE THINGS AS BEING UNFAIR IN OUR EYES. BUT PLEASE DO NOT EXPLODE AND DO SOMETHING THAT WILL GET YOU PUT IN A JAIL OR PUT UNDER SOME COURT SUPERVISON OR YOU WILL REGRET IT THAT YOU DID NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE 18.
I've been dealing with this for to long now. but I don't think losing it will really help.NO THEY WILL GET WORSE AND MAY SAY YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DATE ANYONE PERIOD. THIS IS A BAD SCENE SINCE YOU ARE GETTING IN THE PEEK YEARS OF PUBERTY. WHEN BOYS ARE DENIED FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP SUCH AS AT AN ALL BOYS SCHOOL IT SOMETIMES HAPPEN THAT THEIR ONLY OUTLET IS FOR ONE ANOTHER. IT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE GAY JUST THAT MIXING WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX IS OUT OF THE QUESTION EXCEPT FOR SOME ORGANIZED EVENTS.
I need help. what should I do? IF YOU ARE LIKE MOST GUYS YOU HAVE THE SAME SEXUAL FEELINGS THAT EVETY GUY HAS AND THEY OF COURSE MASTURBATE WHILE FANTASIZING ABOUT A GIRL THEY LIKE. THIS IS NOT A SIN EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS SAY IT IS. EVERY BOY TEEN AND PRETEEN DOES IT AND SO DO OLDER MALES AND SO DO MARRIED MALES DO IT. HARDLY ANY WILL ADMIT TO IT OF COURSE. BUT DO NOT FEEL ANY GUILT ABOUT IT. A LOT OF THE GILRS YOU KNOW AND LIKE PROBABLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND THE RULES YOU ARE UNDER AND THEY SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU HAVING A GIRLFRIEND. MANY EXPECT A GUY TO TRY TO DO SOME THINGS OF A SEXUAL NATURE. THE ONE THING YOU MUST AVOID IS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WHICH IS LIKELY TO LEAD TO A PREGNANACY. I THINK YOU NEED TO TALK CALMLY TO YOUR PARENTS AND TELL THEM OF HOW YOU HAVE BEEN HEARTBROKEN ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND HOW THEIR RULES HAVE AFFECTED YOU. TELL THEM YOU NEED TO LEARN ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX AND THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS SHOWN YOURSELF TO BE TRUSTWORTHY AND YOU WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE MORE OF A GIRL YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO AND NOT TO HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO. THAT ITSELF IS NOT FAIR TO THE OTHER PARTY WHO IS ONLY BEING ASKED OUT TO SATISFY SOMEONE ELSES IDEAS. yOU MAY BE UNINTENTIONALLY BREAKING SOMEONE ELSES HEART UNKNOWINGLY BY LETTING THEM THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING BETWEEN YOU WHEN YOU KNOW THERE IS NOT.
like get counseling for my parents or something? how do I do that? THEY PROBABLY HAVE WELL ENTRENCHED BELIEFS COMING FROM THE CHURCH THEY BELONG TO. THIS IS ESPECUIALLY TRUE IF YOU LIVE IN THE BIBLE BELT . iVE HAD MANY GIRLS LIKE ME BUT i JUST DID NOT FEEL ANYTHING FOR THEM. lIKING SOMEONE IS SO INDIVIDUAL. YOU ARE SO DIFFERENT FROM EV ERYONE ELSE AND EVERY GIRL IS SO DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE THATS ITS A WONDER THAT ANYONE EVER FINDS THE PERSON THEY TRULY LOVE OR THAT THEY FALL IN LOVE AT ALL.
IF THEY RELENT AND ALLOW YOU TO DATE JUST ONE GIRL AND HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THEN MAKE SURE THEY NEVER FIND ANYTHING IN YOUR ROOM OR UNDERNEATH A DRESSER LIKE CONDOMS OR ANYTHING LIKE KY JELLY OR THEY WILL ASSUME YOU ARE HAVING SEX. MOMS ARE BORN DETECTIVES AND WHILE YOU ARE AWAY AT SCHOOL THEY GO THROUGH YOUR DRAWERS AND UNDER THE PRETENSE OF STRAIGHTENING THINGS UP THEY "SNOOP" AND CHECK YOUR POCKETS FOR NOTES AND READ ANY LETTERS YOU WRITE. THEY LOOK UNDER YOUR CLOTHES AND WHEN THEY DO THE LAUNDRY THEY CHECK YOUR UNDIES TO SEE IF THEIR DAUGHTERS ARE HAVING THEIR PERUIOD OR IF A SON IS MASTURBATING. DON'T THINK THEY DON'T DO THIS. THEY KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THAN YOU THINK THEY DO. YOU NEED TO REMEMBER NOT TO ARGUE AND IF THEY SAY "NO" TO YOUR REQUEST THEN START TO CRY (YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO TURN ON THE TEARS AND GO TO YOUR ROOM AND SEE IF THEY RELENT. bRING A GIRL OVER AND LET THEM SEE HER AND LET HER GET TO BE A REGUALR VISITOR. bARE MIDRIFFS ARENT GOING TO GO OVER AS ARE TATOOS AND SMOKING AND PIERCINGS. SO BE FOREWARNED. I KNOW ITS A PROP BUT IF THE GIRL HAS A GOLD CROSS AROUND HER NECK THAT WOULD REASSURE THEM. a GIOLD CROSS IS REALLY A PIECE OF JEWLERY AND HASNO MEANING. OUR LORD WAS CRUCIFIED ON SOME CHEAP WOODEN BEAMS AND IT WAS THE CRUELIST WAY TO MAKE A PERSON SUFFER THAT THEY COULD IMAGINE. I AM SURPRISED YOU HAVE NOT BROUGHT THIS WHOLE ISSUE BEFORE THE LORD AND BEFORE GOD. IF YOU HAVE MAKE YOUR PROFESSION OF FAITH AND ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR AND LIVE FOR HIM THEN WHY HAVE YOU NOT ASKED HIM TO HELP YOU. LET GOD AND JESUS KNOW YOUR MOTIVES ARE WHOLESOME, THAT YOU ARE NOT OUT FOR SEXUAL LUST. THAT YOU WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE AND THAT YOU WANT TO BE LOVED BY SOMEONE. TELL THE LORD THAT YOUR HEART ACHES FOR A CERTAIN GIRL AND YOU ARE ASKING HIM TO BRING THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER. YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT IT IS GOD WHO HAS THE AUTHRORITY HERE NOT YOUR PARENTS. YOUR PARENTS HAVE AUTHORITY ONLY BECUAE IT HAS BEEN GRANTED TO THEM FROM ABOVE. IF THEY ARE ACTING IN THEIR INTERESTS INSTEAD OF YOUR INTERESTS THEN THAT IS SELFISH. YOU SOUND LIKE A FINE YOUNG LAD AND ONE WHO IS SINCERE (WITHOUT WAX) (LOOK UP WHERE THE WORD SINCERE ACTUALLY CAME FROM SOMETIME). I THINK YOU ARE LOOKING FOR HELP IN THE WRONG PLACE. LOOK TO GOD AND JESUS CHRIST . IF YOU HAVE NOT MADE YOUR COMMITTMENT TO CHRIST THEN YOU NEED TO GET BUSY ON THAT FIRST. IF YOU NEED MORE ADVICE OR HELP THEN WRITE ME BACK HERE ON EMAIL ME AT SCUSSETBEACH@HOTMAIL.COM
