AboutJaycie Expertise I can answer anything from homework problems to issues with your friends. I am a teenager so I am going through the same things you are and I can give you an answer based on what I have been through in the last couple of years. I know how hard it can be at times but I would like to try and help you if I can. Please tell me your age and give as many details as possible so I can give you the best answer I can. Please include you age in your question.
Experience my life, peer school counselor, and my friends' problems that I have helped them with
Question QUESTION: I'm sorry that this may be a long question. My name's Aubrey and i'm 15 and 1/2 years old. I've been through alot in my life with surgeries, sex, being molested, grades, and depression and i'm having a hard time dealing with it all. I've had the same boyfriend, Chris, for 8 months now. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and when I say the best, I do mean the best. He is always there for me. Hes 16 now. Our parents don't understand how much we love each other, and i know this may sound really childish, but it's not. I want a way to show them that we are very serious about this, and that i do love him and he loves me. He has given me a promise ring and it's so pretty. It means alot to me. I think that our parents take it as a joke. So we were talking, and I really want a baby. Not in 5 years, now. For a variety of reasons. My health issues may not allow me to be pregnant when I get older, I want this with him, and it would be amazing to bring a bundle of joy into my hard world. This baby would be just me and him. It would be ours. I need some help. Is this realistic? I see teen moms everyday. And yes, me and chris do have sex. We have done everything. Also, last night I told him that I was bisexual. I feel like I'm bringing alot onto him. Please help me with every topic I've brought up. I need some good, wholesome advice. Not my parents lecturing me. Thank you SO much!
ANSWER: I'll help you with everything you asked a question about. If there is something else, just ask me again. You'll get some advice through the answer too.
I know how it feels to want a baby. I have too and I'm not that much older than you. But you have to think about what's best for the baby. Can you really take care of it on your own? A lot of teen mothers have someone there to take care of the baby, like a parent. But your parents aren't really happy with you having a baby. They still think this is 'puppy love' with you and Chris. I'm sure they would help you with the baby but they wouldn't be happy about it, especially if you planned it. Think about the baby before you do anything. Then think about why you want the baby. Be honest to yourself about that.
I understand the health issues you are talking about. Sort of. I have something like that where the older I get, the less likely it will be for me to have kids of my own. I won't tell you everything unless you want me to but I know how this feels for you. But doctors are coming up with things all the time to help you get pregnant. Maybe it will even be with Chris but don't let time make you want to have a baby. You have to be ready for it. I know you don't want to hear this, but I don't think either of us are ready for a baby right now. I don't know your whole situation and you don't know mine but neither of us seem ready to have a baby.
What do you mean by "we have done everything"?
You have the right to be with whoever you want to. It sounds like you really like Chris and he really likes you. That's good. It's better than what some people have. But your parents might not realize what you're doing with him. They still think of you as their little girl with a crush. Have you told them you're having sex? Or about the promise ring? You need to explain things to them before you judge them for not taking you seriously.
Basically, you need to talk to your parents and explain where you and Chris are in your relationship before you expect them to take you seriously. Let them know that you are having sex, if you feel comfortable with that. I think they should know anyway, no matter what, but talk to Chris and figure out how to tell them first. If they already know about everything, talk to them about how you feel about each other. You seem to want to be together forever so tell them that. He gave you a ring. That's pretty serious. Have everyone there. Chris needs to be there to back you up and explain his side.
If you need help with anything else, just ask me again. I don't really have a lot of time to go into lots of detail. Sorry. I'll give you my email in case I go on vacation and I can't get to this very fast. It's jayciesmiller@gmail.com . I want to help you and I hope you think about everything before you have a baby. If you do want to do it, I wish you the best. Please write to me again and let me know how it goes. I would love to keep helping you and stay in touch.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for wanting to help me. I really don't have alot of people to talk to in my life and it feels great for someone to listen. It means alot to me.
About the baby, I think that you really proved a good point. I think I want to wait. I feel now that I may not be able to provide it with the best life that it can have. Especially if something terrible were to happen to me through this health struggle.
My health situation is that I was born with holes in my heart (over 160). I have to get a valve replaced and my left lung is shrinking everyday. It's really at this point a do or die thing and it really upsets me because I just want to be a normal teenager. Also, I will listen to whatever you would like to share with me so don't be shy! (:
I do really enjoy having Chris in my life. No I haven't told them I'm having sex or about the ring. It would probably result in me getting grounded for forever and them forcing me to end it with Chris, and I really don't want that. I'm not very comfortable talking to my parents. I have never talked to them about anything serious before.
Sometimes I just wish that I could talk to them and everything would be perfect, but unfortunatly, it can't be like that so I have to make the best of it. But really thank you so much.
Oh, before I forget, my email is ndncheerleader4u@aol.com (if that would be any easier). Also, if you have a myspace my URL is www.myspace.com/aubrenlovesyou
ANSWER: Just so you know, I am pretty much always here. Or you can at least always talk to me. I will always tell you what I think. So feel free to ask anything anytime.
Not to downplay how serious your situation is at all, but I know someone who has the same condition as you. She's 23 and just had her first baby. I hope this helps you see that there could still be time for you to me a mom. There could be differences still but I thought this would be helpful for you. Maybe, maybe not.
My thing is that one, I'm anemic so right now if I did get pregnant, the baby wouldn't get enough oxygen so it wouldn't grow. I wouldn't be able to get more than a couple months along. And another thing is that I got sick when I was little and had a really high fever so now everything is scarred inside. Basically, the egg can't attatch itself so it can start growing into a baby. I just have to be careful when I try to get pregnant. It's possible but it will be hard.
I understand that you haven't told your parents. I think you should but if I was in your place, I don't think I could do it either. I had a hard enough time asking to go on a date with my boyfriend. And they don't even know he's my boyfriend now. So I know how you feel about telling them you're having sex.
Just wondering but are you on birth control? This might be a stupid question to be asking right now but now that you're rethought the baby thing, you might want to think about that too. I just thought about that because your parents don't know about it. Usually parents are okay as long as you are safe about it. But again, mine would freak out either way so maybe yours would too. Just a thought. And please make sure he uses condoms!!
I'll add you on myspace and we can talk there too if you ever want to. Sometimes that's easier than going through Allexperts. And you still have my email in case of 'emergencies'.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Oh wow. Sounds like we're kinda in the same boat with our health.
And no i'm not on birth control. I made up a situation to get birth control where i told my mom that i was having period problems. We went to the doctor and she told me that if i went on birth control, there would be a high chance of getting blood clots, and a blot clot for me could be fatal. So that didn't work out! But yes. We use condoms. Everytime.
Yeah deffinatly add me there.
Thanks for everything, again!
Answer I just looked up a bunch of birth control things and talked to my doctor. There are other ways of doing that than taking the pill. Most of them don't cause blood clots. And even pills have a very low chance of giving blood clots unless you're over 35 or a smoker. Talk to your doctor again about it or go into a clinic around you so it's free and your parents don't have to know if that's what you want. Just make sure you don't take oral contraception, like the pill. Those are the ones that have risks of blood clots. The others are fine.
If you need anything else, I'm always here and now on myspace. So let me know how you're doing when you get the chance.
