AboutJaycie Expertise I can answer anything from homework problems to issues with your friends. I am a teenager so I am going through the same things you are and I can give you an answer based on what I have been through in the last couple of years. I know how hard it can be at times but I would like to try and help you if I can. Please tell me your age and give as many details as possible so I can give you the best answer I can. Please include you age in your question.
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Question 17yo. my parents are very strict. They're not the perfectionist type parents who need you to get straight As' and maintain your weight. I love my parents and know I have learned many good things from them, and i've tried hard to be a good son, and to abide by their rules, but its just too much now. My parents believe, and I think its their false religious conviction that I am not suppost to have a girlfriend until I am well out of highschool. They're ok with me going on dates with girls, but not with me having a girlfriend. They also believe that every time one hangs out with the opposite sex outside of school or church, that they are dating that person. theyre fine with me doing this, but they have a rule that I cant "date" the same person twice in a row, and that I have to date 2 different girls before I hang out with the same girl twice. also when I hang out with a girl, my parents need to have met her first, and I need to go on what they call a "double date", every time, which means I have to have two other people with me every time I hang out with a girl. my parents also expect the girl to always wear clothing that covers the shoulders and everything down to the knees. if these standards aren't met I have hardly any chance of hanging out with her with my parents consent. my girlfriend recently broke up with me largely because she didn't want to sneak around my parents all the time. she meant a lot to me, and many other girls Ive liked couldn't understand why I couldn't spend much time with them. its hard to maintain relationships when you can't be with a girl outside of school. its also very hard to maintain friendship in my situation. all through highschool this has caused me heartbreak and lost friendship. my parents are to stuborn to admit that they're to strict. they get very angry and defensive whenever I try to bring it up. they have other strict rules about other things, and they falsely believe that their rules are divinly inspired. if I break them, there will be a huge conflict. if I tell my parents how I really feel, they will believe I am sinning against god. their rules will only get stricter as I fight them. I feel trapped. like there's no way out until I graduate from highschool. im about to lose it and let my parents have it. I've been dealing with this for to long now. but I don't think losing it will really help. I need help. what should I do? like get counseling for my parents or something? how do I do that?
Answer I totally understand where you are coming from in this. My parents are the same way. I had to do the sneaking around thing with my boyfriend too. It's not very fun. Just curious, but what religion are you parents?
I get where they are coming from. Just hear me out on this. They want you to have a fun high school experience and they think it's better for you to date around with as many girls as you can so you don't settle for anyone. They want you to date the right girls so you don't get yourself into trouble.
But I understand where your point is. You want to be able to date the people you like and not be punished for it. You want to be able to go out with a girl and have it just be you two, at least sometimes.
So, now you have the problem. If I were you, I'd talk to them when you feel like you want to date a girl semi-seriously. I can't believe I'm saying this but you don't have to tell them everything about her and why you like her and all the other gushy stuff. Just tell them that there is this girl that you would like to be able to take out. Just talk to them about it. Don't get mad or say their rules are dumb. Ask them why they have them. See if there is some place to compromise. I'm sure you can find one. See if you can take the girl out and then maybe do something at your house once in a while with her after the first date, so your parents feel better about things. That what I had to do with my boyfriend. I was kind of awkward but my family got to know him really well and now he comes over all the time and goes to family things with us and everything. It worked out really well. And my parents sound a lot like yours.
When you talk, don't get mad. Let them say their side and then say where you're coming from. Let them know that having a girlfriend isn't bad. Maybe you can talk them into an open relationship kind of deal with your girlfriend. You can still date other people but you're still together. I get the double date thing. It's not so bad but sometimes you just want to be with the one girl. See if you can work out a plan for that, like every other date has to be double or something.
As fun as it would be, I don't think counceling would really help your parents on this one. They seem kind of set. I think just making them see where you are coming from will help them.
Sorry that this isn't really a good answer right now and I know it's not the best I've done. I'm leaving for vacation in like 10 minutes so if you need anything else for you or if you want more ideas, I'll be thinking for you and then just write me another question when I get back home next week. Thanks, and sorry.
