AboutJonathan Expertise I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.
Experience I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).
Question Okay. There is this girl who is the most amazing girl I have ever met. I really like her a lot. I made the mistake of telling my mom I liked her, and she told me I shouldn't ask her out or anything because she is a year older than me. I'm fifteen, and I'll be sixteen in one month. Despite my mom told me I shouldn't, I still want to ask her out. However, there is a problem. She is my best friend. I can't stop thinking about her, and whenever I am around her it is impossible for me to be sad or upset. I don't know if she likes me, but I know for a fact that she used to, but she has had a boyfriend since then, but she is single now. I'm afraid to ask her out because we are two of the closest people in the world, and I don't want to screw that up. I just need some advice on what to do, so anything would be helpful. thanks.
Answer Hi Matt, thanks for your kind words. I looked at my answer and see a small mistake. The sentence that begins with "But you are letting..." should have read "But you are letting her (your mom) know your love interest IS OUTSIDE YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY. In short as a teen you have to turn from your family to te outside world to find a person you love.
Hi Matt, You better move fast. Forget about your mom and her opinions. One year is nothing. All moms are jealous of all other women. Your mom really wants you to be loyal to her. But you are letting her know that your love interest is not outside your immeidate family. Do not dwell too long in the "friends zone" or she may only think of you as a friend and not as a boyfriend. since she is single now , then now is the time to invite her to go see something with you. Do some homework and by this i mean find out about all the movies, plays, concerts, shows, sports events going on in your community or just ask her to go to the mall with you. If you need to buy some clothes ask her to help you pick them out. Heres why. what looks good to one girl is likely to also look good to other girls . so never trust your own judgement on selecting colors and patterns. Also perhaps see a movie with her and then get something to eat. If you walk together in the mall casually brush your hand against her hand and see if she gets the hint and allows you to take her hand in yours. If she does not then do nto push it. Do not fall all over her and profess your love for her. Just ast natural. If you do okay here and if later she wants to be kissed she will let you know by getting close to you and look into your eyes and you do the same to her. If she gets close and closes her eyes then she expects you to kiss her. Swallow your saliva and do not try to force a french kiss on her. Not every girl wants to be kssed by her pet dog so dont try to force your tongue in her mouth. If she wants wet kiss she will do it to you. Perhaps you can invite her to play tennis with you. If you dont know much then if possible try to get a tennis pro who may be found at a local country club or you may want to ask the hugh school tennis coach if there is a tennis pro in the area and take a few one hour lessons to get some good instruction so you do not get into any bad habits. Tennis canbe played all your life. You can also just shop at a mall or go to a park,watch a dvd together by yourselves. Keep your mom out of it though. Most all women are jealous. Your mom is no exception. You can also go to church with her. Make sure you keep your hands to yourself. Try to hold hands with her as much as you can though. If you have any other questions feel free to ask a followup.
