Expert: Jonathan - 7/2/2009

Question
HEY, WELL I'M 15 AND MY NAMES JUAN. I HAVE THIS PROBLEM WHERE MY MOM JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT ABOUT ME BEING BISEXUAL. SHE COMPLETELY DISAGREED AND TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO LOOK FOR PROFESSIONAL TO HELP ME GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD. WHEN MY DAD FOUND OUT THREW MY MOM, HE COMPLETELY FELL APART. SINCE I'M HIS ONLY SON, HE DIDN'T LIKE THAT AND HAD A TALK WITH ME AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO ACCEPT HELP FROM HIM AND I ACCEPTED IT. THE ONLY REASON WHY I DID WAS BECAUSE HE TOLD ME IF IT DIDN'T WORK, HE'D STILL LOVE ME. MY MOM HAD FOUND OUT ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND ANGEL AND TOLD ME HE COULD BE SOME CHILD MOLESTER AND THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING. I DISAGREED. SHE THREATENED ME, AND TOLD ME IF I DIDN'T STOP GOING THE WAY I WAS GOING, THAT SHE WOULD LEAVE THE HOUSE ALONG WITH MY YOUNGEST SISTER. WHO IS ONLY 8. SO I TOLD HER I'D STOP. BUT A DAY AFTER SHE CALLED THE POLICE ON ME BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO FIND OUT WHO THIS ANGEL WAS. WHEN I SAW THE POLICEMAN I GOT SCARED AND STARTED RUNNING, THE POLICEMAN CAUGHT UP AND ARRESTED ME. PUSHED ME AGAINST A FENCE AND BENT MY UP BEHIND MY ARM. SHE'S ALSO THREATENED ME BY TELLING ME SHE WOULD PUT ME IN A FOSTER HOME AND IN THERE IS WHERE I WOULD GET MY THOUGHTS OUT. MY MOM'S ALSO TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD ACCEPT ME IF I'VE LIKED GUYS SINCE I WAS LITTLE, AND I HAVE. I JUST DON'T WANT TO TELL HER. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
- JUAN

Answer
Hi Juan,  I will answer in lower case letters so you will easily see them.


HEY, WELL I'M 15 AND MY NAMES JUAN. I HAVE THIS PROBLEM WHERE MY MOM JUST RECENTLY FOUND OUT ABOUT ME BEING BISEXUAL. SHE COMPLETELY DISAGREED AND TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO LOOK FOR PROFESSIONAL TO HELP ME GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY HEAD.This is her natural reaction but this is not sucessful.  We discover what our sexual orientation is not choose it. Unfortunately most people think they chose to  be stright and those people who are gay or bi or lesbian decided to choose their sexual orientation.

WHEN MY DAD FOUND OUT THREW MY MOM, HE COMPLETELY FELL APART. SINCE I'M HIS ONLY SON, HE DIDN'T LIKE THATYes in their eyes you may have well as committed murder. You destroyed the notion that you are going to get married and give them grandchildren.

AND HAD A TALK WITH ME AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO ACCEPT HELP FROM HIM AND I ACCEPTED IT. THE ONLY REASON WHY I DID WAS BECAUSE HE TOLD ME IF IT DIDN'T WORK, HE'D STILL LOVE ME.a parent should love their child unconditionally.  Whatever their childs sexual orientation is should not matter.  Isn't a person so much more than just their sexual orientation?  Can they not live and love as some other people never can?  Can they not use thier talents to help others and be a responsible person like we all hope most people will be?

MY MOM HAD FOUND OUT ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND ANGEL AND TOLD ME HE COULD BE SOME CHILD MOLESTER AND THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.I take it she does not know what his age is and you did not mention it here.  If he is 15 also thats nothing but if he is an adult 18 or older than she probably thinks you have been exploited or misled into this life.  Its well know that most all sexual activity is pleasureable whether its straight or bi or gay.  

I DISAGREED.Well what is his age and who made the first move?

SHE THREATENED ME, AND TOLD ME IF I DIDN'T STOP GOING THE WAY I WAS GOING, THAT SHE WOULD LEAVE THE HOUSE ALONG WITH MY YOUNGEST SISTER. WHO IS ONLY 8. She is putting undue pressure upon you and she mistakenl thinks you can just stop having the inner feelings you have.

SO I TOLD HER I'D STOP. BUT A DAY AFTER SHE CALLED THE POLICE ON ME BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO FIND OUT WHO THIS ANGEL WAS.You do not have to talk to the police about anything.  They cannot ask you anything unless they feel you have just committed a crime or are about to commit a crime.  You are guaranteed the right to remain silent by the US Bill of Rights.  They can stop you in an automobile if they have what is called "probable cause " like if you were exceeeding the posted speed limit or driving recklessly or weaving all over the road.

 WHEN I SAW THE POLICEMAN I GOT SCARED AND STARTED RUNNING, THE POLICEMAN CAUGHT UP AND ARRESTED ME.Arrrested you for what?  You can now sue the police for false arrest.  If you did not commit a crime there was no probable cause to interfere with your liberty.  They may have made some trumped up charge like disorderly conduct but thats if you were drunk or being a nuisance.  I think you need to call The American Civil liberties Union ,look in your phone book and You also need to contact a lawyer who will talk to you at no charge. They may very well take your case and start a lawsuit against the police department for false arrest.  This means you are entitled to money.

PUSHED ME AGAINST A FENCE AND BENT MY UP BEHIND MY ARM.This is an example of police brutality.  You need to contact a gay-lesbian community center where you live and tell them what happened.  They will be able to guide you and they will also be able to put you in touch with a lawyer who will help you.  That you were arrested just for running away and that you did no criminal activity is shocking to me and would be to most people.  Make them pay, this is pure harassment and is really sexual harassment which is another avenue which the police can be sued for.  You do not need to do anything .  Your lawyer will file all the papers and there is no need to discuss any of this with either of your parents.



SHE'S ALSO THREATENED ME BY TELLING ME SHE WOULD PUT ME IN A FOSTER HOME AND IN THERE IS WHERE I WOULD GET MY THOUGHTS OUT.she probably cannot do that. she is legally responsible to provide a home and food and clothing and medical care for you until you are 21 not 18.  neither she nor your father can put you out of your home. If they do they are in violation of the law and can be made to answer in court.

MY MOM'S ALSO TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD ACCEPT ME IF I'VE LIKED GUYS SINCE I WAS LITTLE, AND I HAVE. I JUST DON'T WANT TO TELL HER.hy do you not wish to tell her.  None of us has any control over the people we are attracted to. Our attractions come from deep buried unconscious feelings that we are not aware of. If you liked boys from an early age it was probably not sexual.  Its also possible that you may not really be bisexual.  many if not most teen boys have some transient homosexual feelings or crushes on their male friends and many teens experiment with these feelings.  It does not mean they are bi or gay.    WHAT SHOULD I DO?  I would definitely contact a gay lesbian community center or look online and talk to them about being arrested just for running.  This was supposed to be a free country and most people are not aware that many of the original signers of the US Constitution "refused" to sign it unless it contained a "Bill of Rights" to protect the people from the powers of the police.  Thats why you have the right to keep and bear arms and the right to remain silent. If you are ever arrested again for anything you never explain anything or try to bargain with the police.  You never sign anything and never write anything.  You only have to give your nmae and address.  You do not have to give your social security number either. In fact its best to never give that number to anyone except to an employer who is really the only person who needs it.  Your mother is over reacting to this.  she thinks that some older male has led you into being bisexual.  Since you did not give his age then this is a possibility.  Younger guys should not be hanging around with guys even a few years older than they are.
   Your father seems to be level headed about this and he should be nfuriated that you were arrested and amnhandled.  he nor you should ever make a complaint to the police departments "so-called" "Internal Affairs".  This is an example of the police investigating themselves.  naturally they say that they did everything right and they did not violate anyones rights.  This is like sending the fox to investigate the chicken coop.  No cop wants to be assigned to the internal affairs section .  Its a rotating assignment and no cop is going to say another cop did anything wrong.  You or you and your dad need to sue for false arrest and false impriosnment.and you need a lawyer to do the filing and to speak for you.  What else should you do?  You need to search your own heart to determne if this is what you really want.  If you have additional details you want mention feel free to ask a followup.
- JUAN