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Teenage Problems/No sex before marriage questions

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Dear Pastor Don Carpenter,

I come from a small village church where I am the only young person, and so it is difficult to find out a Christian perspective on issues which affect people my age. I am 17 years old and would really appreciate your answer to help me understand things which aren't discussed much at church.

1. I am a Methodist Christian in England, I follow most of their beliefs, and they are a fairly liberal branch of Christianity, not excessively though...

However I have been brought up with the view of no sex before marriage as that is how my parents lived and it seems to make sense to me, I don't see how anyone is losing out by just waiting another few years in a relationship...

However in saying this, although I follow the rule, I would like to understand a bit more about why many Christians choose this way of life as I seem to be following it and not knowing why...
In particular I would like to understand some things

-Is having no sex before marriage as important nowadays as divorce rates are so high? Surely this would mean you've saved yourself all your life for you husband, then you would end up breaking up and remarrying the sex issue seems pointless...

-Late marriages are very common where people are engaged for so long that they may as well be 'married', so is it pointless to wait until marriage?

-Overall, could you please explain how the teachings in the bible about no sex before marriage link into modern day issues such as the ones I have explained and the relevancy, in your opinion, of those teachings in our modern world.



Thank you very much for considering this question

Answer
Hi Lucy,

Thank you so much for these great questions.  I am very sorry for my late response.  You deserve answers for these very well thought out questions.

First of all let me say that the sin of fornication (sex outside the marriage bond) is a serious offense.  While we know that all sin is offensive to God, this sin is listed as particularly offensive because it is a sin against your body, where the Holy Spirit lives.  If you are Born again, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and you are forcing Him to be united in that unclean act.  We are not designed for multiple partners outside of marriage.  God designed sex as a wedding present to show the world what it means when two people become one flesh.

1 Corinthians 6:15–20 (AV)
15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.


Hebrews 13:4 (AV)
4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.


-Is having no sex before marriage as important nowadays as divorce rates are so high? Surely this would mean you've saved yourself all your life for you husband, then you would end up breaking up and remarrying the sex issue seems pointless...

Actually there are studies that show that when a couple waits until marriage and both are virgins on their wedding night.... their sex life is much better and their chances of avoiding divorce are much greater.  Think about it... practically knowing that they are the best sex they have ever had... no competetition... no insecurities... sex the way God designed it.

In fact the reason divorce is so offensive to God is that it breaks up the design of one man with one woman for life.

Matthew 19:3–9 (AV)
3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, 5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? 6 Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. 7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? 8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.


-Late marriages are very common where people are engaged for so long that they may as well be 'married', so is it pointless to wait until marriage?

This is  why in many conservative Bible believing churches, people marry younger.  Our bodies are designed by God for sex and child bearing much younger than people are marrying today.  They marry late because they already became sexually active and carreers are interfearing with family.  I do not believe in long engagements... If you are marigable... then get on with it and enjoy the gift God has for you.  There are two ways to avoid fornication... either do not touch (at all... no kissing hugging... caressing....) or get married.  If a couple is serious about purity, this is the path they will follow.

1 Corinthians 7:1–2 (AV)
1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.


I hope that this helps you.

In Christ
Pastor Don

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Pastor Don Carpenter

Expertise

I am a father of four and a Baptist Pastor. Before becoming a senior pastor, I was a youth pastor and worker for over 10 years. If you ask this volunteer a question, you will get the benifit of 20 + years experience in the ministry and the counsel of the Bible, God`s perfect book. Feel free to ask any Biblical or moral questions.

Experience

I have been involved in pastoral type counseling for 20+ years. Most of my experience has been with chemical addiction, crisis intervention, and some types of severe mental illness. I have some secular training in those areas as well as a Bible College degree.

Organizations
Evangelical Baptist Church

Publications
Revival Baptist Chronicles
The Fundamental Baptist Voice

Education/Credentials
BS in Bible from Baptist Bible College in CLarks Summit PA
Various training seminars in, Co-occuring disorders, treatment of those who have been sexually abused, and Solution Focused Therapy.

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