Teenage Problems/I'm having a dilemma. I really need help.
QUESTION: Hello, I am having trouble deciding to stay with my parents or go to Canada. Ok, my family moved to Iran to 2 years ago from Canada because my dad got laid off from his software engineering job so, he started a small buisiness in Iran (he started it alone but now it has many employees and became a well known company in the middle east ). Even now that the economy is better, and my dad can get a job in canada, my dad makes extreemly more than a software engineering job and refuses to move back to Canada. I personally want to get a decent education and make a legitiment wage since my dad plans to give his things to charity when he dies. I want to go back to back to Canada and go to school (I'm 13 and in grade 9) because the school I go in Iran (Tehran International School) is really bad and in Iran there is no community service or clubs and the things we study in grade 9 my cousin studies the exact same thing IB Grade 11 in Canada so I don't get straight A's ( I had 3 B's ) and and without community service and clubs in school my chances to get into a good university's like Princeton or Harvard are 0. Should I go to Canada and stay with a homestay and go to school and stuff for a year until my dad sets up his buisiness to control from a long distance (Hire more managers and stuff like that) or should I stay here and suffer from the fact that my chances to go to a good university would become 0. What is your opinion?
ANSWER: Hi Kevin,
If Canada will offer you the best opportunities for advancement, then I would suggest going back there. However, you are still pretty young and college is still a ways away. You could finish up high school in Iran and then transfer to a university in Canada.
I understand that there aren't any clubs or anything there and that one's a toughie. Will you be able to be away from your family for that long? This is something to think about. Are your parents allowing you to go back to Canada. You should make a decision that will benefit you in the long run. If you are certain that Iran doesn't have the schools and institutions that will aid you in your future, then I think going back to Canada would be the best option.
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QUESTION: Hello. I just talked to my dad again and he said "I desided to not send you to Canada and we will go next year". I really don't know what to do. I'm just really mad or sad, I don't know which. I want to go to a good university and if I stay in Iran that will become impossible. My dad last year said the beginning of grade 9 so I don't trust him at all. People which graduate from this school even some which their grade 9 and 10 in Iran (my classmates sibling) which there are several examples, haven't gone to any good collages. My dad got lucky and made money. I don't want to become like him because I might not get lucky. Me and my dad had an argument and it lead to my dad kicking me. I think I am getting abused. What should I do. Now, my dad has a belt in his had and is screaming "KNOWLEDGE IS IMPORTANT NOT WHERE YOU ARE" and making me do extra work in our algebra 2 book. When ever he turns his back I type this with my phone. I think writing this took at least 3 hours since I can make out about 3 words ever time he is looking the other way. Can you please tell me what I should do. Thanks
ANSWER: Hi Kevin,
You want to go back to Canada and your dad said that he'll send you next year, even though he's said it before. You live with him so there's not much you can do. I know you're upset, but you're only 13 years old and college is a ways away. You have plenty of time to go back to Canada. When you're 18, you'll be an adult and can go where you want.
Your dad kicking you was a mistake on his part and he shouldn't have done it. If he's repeatedly done that or beat you, then it is abuse. I got hit with a belt when I was a kid, but I never thought of it as abuse. I just did something wrong and the belt was punishment. But you never said you got hit with it, only that your dad was screaming and walking around with it.
Knowledge is important Kevin, not necessarily where you are. However, there are schools that provide a better curriculum than others. Princeton and Harvard are Ivy league schools and would be very beneficial when you go looking for a job. I also understand you wanting to make a good living since your dad plans on leaving you with nothing when he passes away.
I would talk to your mom about what's going on. It's possible that she can talk with your dad about everything. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest seeing the school counselor. It's apparent that you're having issues with your dad not letting you move back to Canada and you don't want your relationship with him to diminish because of it.
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QUESTION: Hi. My mom doesn't want me to go to canada with a homestay at all. In fact my dad actually gave me the homestay idea but my mom talked to my dad for hours to make him change his opinion which he did. My school doesn't have a single staff member over a bachelor let alone a counselor. Do you think there is any way to reconvince my dad in letting me go to Canada.
I'm going to tell you something that you may not want to hear, but it's the truth. I wouldn't want my 13 year old child moving that far away so I can see why your mom convinced your dad not to let you go. Think about it. If you had a child, would you want them moving that far away without you?
You might say that it's okay just because of the situation you're in right now, but when you get older you'll understand. I get why you want to go back to Canada, but Iran is where you live now. Do the schools stink there in your opinion, yes. But until you are old enough to be on your own, your parents seem like they don't want you that far away from them and I agree.
Understand Kevin that your parents aren't trying to punish you or make your life miserable. They simply don't want their child in a different country than them and you can't blame them. They love you. It's when they don't care about you leaving is when you should be upset.
You'd go off to live with some family that you don't know and that's not a comforting feeling for your mother. It wouldn't be a comfortable feeling for any mother. So, I do understand how you feel. I know you want to go to a better school and you will. But for the meantime, you'll have to cope with being in Iran for a little bit longer.
You can continue to talk to your dad about letting you go, but that's all you can do is talk to him. However, it doesn't seem like you're making much progress with that. It seems like he gets angry when you talk about it.
My advice is to chalk it up and ride this Iran thing out until you get closer to graduating. Then approach your dad about moving back to Canada. Then you'll be a little bit older and a lot wiser. Again, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth Kevin. Your parents love you and don't want you so far away. Try to see if from their point of view as well.