Teenage Problems/I hate myself
I feel like I'm a totally dumb girl. because, i show a lack of personality while dealing with the outside world. Like, I get panic attacks when i would want to ask somebody about the time, or tell them to shift when I'm practically crushed between passengers on a bus. And also when it comes to bargaining with vendors. Even people cackle at my mistakes and that makes me fake a laugh at myself, too. Later on, at night I beat myself up for all the stupid mistakes I make and I often feel like killing myself. Once, I told my big brother about one of my mistakes and he let the word out. Then he would agree that I really am a dumbo.
When I used to be younger, like 12, I faced plenty of criticisms from teachers at my dance class (because I used to suck at dancing and neither did I like it), most of them calling me "un-smart", "idiot" and "bad". I thought I had gotten over it. But today, at 18, I feel like those horrible days are back.
I have only four friends in my life, and I also don't feel like socializing much. But these dumb mistakes makes me want to shut the world outside and cry all day long. I can't talk to my parents about this because I know they're gonna make me feel worse and criticize me just like an outsider. I'm all alone and miserable.
You have to realize that we're not perfect and we'll make mistakes. Just because you make mistakes and people laugh at you, that shouldn't give you a reason to kill yourself. It's not that serious.
The people who ridicule you are the idiots. They should be supporting you, not making fun of you. Don't let that get to you though. If I let everything that everyone said to me get to me that badly, there would be a lot of unhappy people because they wouldn't like what I've said back to them.
But I just brush it off because it's not that serious and I could care less what other people think of me. I don't live for them. So, if they're not helping me or in my support corner, then I act like they're not even there.
You don't know what your parents are going to say. If it bothers you that much, then you definitely need to talk to them, especially if you're talking about hurting yourself. And if they can't help you, then they'll find someone who can.
You can't let the fear of making mistakes take over your world. People make mistakes all the time. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I make them daily sometimes. Just tell whoever is making fun of you that if they don't want to help you, then they don't need to say anything to you.
Your brother is acting like a brother. That's what they do. Sometimes they get a kick out of humiliating their sisters. Dismiss what he says to you or about you. You are smart and you are none of those things everyone else calls you. They are those things.
Talk to your parents about your issues. I'm sure they can help. Try not to let this get to you. Live your life. You're so young and I know you probably have a lot going for yourself. Don't give up on that just because there are foolish people in the world. Then they win. Prove to yourself you are more than what everyone sees. You don't need to prove anything to them, because they don't matter.