Teenage Problems/Need to talk to someone
I'm a senior in high school right now, and I just really need to talk to someone. First of all, I'm gay but nobody knows this. My parents are very Christian, and they have told me and my brothers multiple times that if any of us were gay, they would disown us and never speak to us again. So, I'm wondering if I should just come out in college next year, and leave them in the dark? Also, I just have quite a bit going on right now what with college applications, scholarships, school. I used to be a 4.0 student, but I've been having trouble in Physics and I have a C right now, A's in everything else. My parents are really upset about this, but I feel that being National Honor Society President, Lead Role in the musical, and taking multiple Advanced Placement classes that it's a miracle I currently have what I have. They have always been very difficult people to talk to, going to the bars quite a bit and fighting constantly. I always have to watch what I say to them because they take anything that you say (even a joke) very seriously, and they usually start to yell at me for it. For instance, I said that I would be applying to the Honors Program at a local college, and they asked if I needed any help. I said don't worry about it, and they started going off on how I don't let them in on anything, and am so secretive to which I began to simply not confront them and go in my room, but my father started yelling at me to come back. We literally stood there for an hour as he alone was yelling at me about how I don't respect him, and how I have never worked a day in my life. Then, a few minutes later, they're all watching TV, completely fine, laughing. It just makes me feel so out of touch, and I just have a hard time coping. Plus, I want to major in Voice, and they are completely against that, but I told them that this was my decision and mine alone. That didn't go over well. I just feel that whenever I'm at a friend's house or at school or anywhere else, I'm very much appreciated and I like being there. The moment I walk through the door of my house, I start getting questioned continuously and if I don't say something correctly, a huge fight breaks out which makes me even more depressed. Do you think I'm out of line for thinking like this and I should simply deal with it? If you could just offer some advice or anything at all, I would be very thankful.
Coming out to your parents will be very difficult. However, they cannot call themselves true Christians if they were to disown you if you were to tell them that you are gay. This is something that you must determine in your own time, whether or not you should do it.
I don't think you're out of line for thinking the way you do. The good part about it is that you're a senior in high school and a few short months, you'll be off to college. You'll be 18 and legally able to make your own decisions. If you want to study voice, then study voice. It's your decision and your life, not theirs. They can be mad all they want but it's the truth.
My advice to you would be to sit down with your parents one day and tell them the truth, whenever you're comfortable. It will take a heap off of your shoulders whether they get mad at you or not. I also suggest you talking to them about what you decide to do in life. Tell them again about what you plan on majoring in and why.
Let your parents know that you love them more than anything and that their opinion matters to you, but it's your life and in the end, you have to do what makes you happy. Good luck.