Teenage Problems/Crush on my teacher.
Okay so, I have had this huge crush on my history teacher since summer school this year. I suffer from depression and I had been in and out of treatment through seventh grade, so, I missed alot, causing my grades to go down drastically which resulted in summer school. I came there scared. Nervous. Depressed.
I guess what makes me like him so much is the fact that he cared. And he paid attention to me, made me have REAL smiles. I just felt important for once.
Of course I realize nothing will happen between us. I dont think I even want it to really.
Anyways. I guess I will kinda tell you what happened.
So like I said. Summer school. I came in there nervous and scared and just... God. Depressed as ever. Suicidal to be real. We had to go through a whole month of summer school. I was terrified.
So. A typical summer school day started at 8:30 and ended at 2:15. When you walked into the building, you would wait in the entrance part for a teacher to come and direct you to the cafeteria where we waited for other students to come, as well as teachers. The first day I went. When we went to the cafeteria i seen Mr parks (fake name) come in, I was PETRIFIED. Because Im always scared of male teachers until I get to know them and know who they truly are. That being said, Im usually attracted to older people, because I guess being my age (13) Im actually mature compared to other people my age..
Anyway. The first day I was just beyond scared.. It was crazy.. and I wish I could remember when I first went into his class and when i started to have a crush on him. It was obviously in summer school, I just dont know how far long it was in.
Anyways. Im babbling.
After everyone arrived in the cafeteria, we would go to our classes, we only had a few.. First was math.. Then reading.. Then.. Gulp. Mr parks. Geography. Im shy. But I tend to laugh a lot.. I know we had this kid brice (fake name) who always made idiotic remarks lol. I remember we was writing a little essay in mr parks class in summer school.. And he randomly blurts out, which FOR do I use? Everyone was so confused, He was referring to wether he used 'four' or 'for'.. Anyway. I would just go into tears laughing and mr parks would just look at me and laugh along and smile. And he did that a lot. He still does. Every time someone says something thats worth a laugh, or something happens of that sort, he always looks at me and we just kind of have a laugh together, idk. Why? Does he do that cause he knows i laugh at stuff like that? I don't know. I even thought maybe the principle told him I was depressed and like.. He just wanted to try and cheer me up? I really don't know. Anyway.
I guess. It all started from there. Not like.. with brice making the 'which for?' Remark, but just him looking at me. Smiling. I don't know. I sound stupid. But. I started to get more interested in him and his class. I would be excited to go into his class, like, ecstatic. I would have so much fun in there. WHILE learning lol. I always got a good smile and laugh when I went in there. I felt happy. But I also knew it was kinda weird and awkward that I had a crush on him..
After seeing how funny he was. How nice he was. And cough cough. Very attractive. Other girls wouldn't think so. But I do lol.
I remember it was like the last few weeks of summer school.. And my mum was late picking me up.. So late that all the other kids were gone.. And three teachers including mr parks had to wait with me until my mum came and got me.. We waited AGES.. A few hours. I kept saying sorry to the teachers lol. He starts talking to me, i forget what about.. But eventually he says, "I think your going to be one of my favorite students next year.." I was just like ohmygerd. I probably blushed as well LOL. The teacher beside us goes "Shes so quite! You don't even know shes in the room." And he goes, "Thats the way I like it." And gave me a smile. I felt i was actually cared for. Obviously not like that.. But I just felt so happy. Like I meant at least something small to someone.
Ill try to wrap this up.
After summer school, I was legit upset from leaving.. Not very bad.. But kind of. I enjoyed it a lot. I even talked to some people and made a few friends that I talk to till this day :)
But i missed him. Mr parks.
When summer was over.. The anxiety and depression came back again.. It had been there over summer of course... But school makes it worse.
But deep down i had this excitement.. Because I got to see mr parks of course.. I didn't know if I would have him as a teacher, i remember I said to him in summer school, "I better have you as a teacher next year!!" And he just smiled and said you will. How did he know? Well, because he is the only geography teacher,duh. I didn't know that. Anyway. I got to his class the first day, and along with my friend dorlanne (fake name) and he looked at her and said, hey! I remember you.. he looked around while talking, and said the same thing to me. I was so happy LOL.
Am i telling you useless details?
When he did our seating arrangements he set me in the very front. First row, front seat. He stays near there when he teaches. He said he picks on the people on the front. So i was like, yeah. Bonusss. Haha.
Needless to say i was happy i was in the front, which, is different, cause usually i HATE sitting in the front, I'm a back roll kinda girl.
He never calls on me or anything. But he looks at me a lot. Lol. Like I said, especially when someone says something funny. Or he does. But even sometimes just while teaching, thats normal duh. Lol.
A few weeks into the school year, they created after school for kids who want to stay and get help, or just do homework in there. I wanted to attend cause i am determined to keep my grades up this year.
The after school program, you go to the cafeteria and wait for the other kids and teachers, (kind of like summer school huh? Haha) well, the first day for me wasn't like that, i walked to the cafeteria and seen mr parks.. I had no idea he was going to be teaching. I was excited. I felt like i would do really good in after school to. Anyway. When everyone comes in the room. The teachers pick kids they want to come to their class. Before that even happened. Mr parks looks at me and says your with me. I was like AWWW YEAHHH.no.. I said ok.
I was really excited. When we went we would just have something to work on. And if we didn't, he would give you like a book or something. He told us to be quite if the class got talkative or started making jokes,but honestly, i think he liked it.
I think he liked to laugh just as much as me, cause sometimes HE would be the one to make the jokes, and every time he did, he looked at me right after, and we would just have a laugh. I love those moments man XD
Like literally, just those tiny little moments can make my day. Maybe its because I stay depressed the majority of the time, and just that laugh and smile can make things a bit better. Or maybe its just because i have a huge freakin crush on him? Maybe its both. Idk.
Also, weird thing, it was picture day, and after school, when i went to his class, there was this kid who looked at me and says, Ive seen you before.. Don't I know you from somewhere..? You look so familiar ! And mr parks was like, "Yeah.. Shes in the movies" i just go into tears then LOL. And then mr parks was like.. "You actually do look like this actor, her names Zoey Deschanel. I told him i didn't know her or what she looked like, so he called me up to his and desk and said he would pull a picture of her up up on his computer and said he would show me. He pulled her up and i was like. WOTTTT. NO. HECK NO. SHES GORGEOUS DUDE. LOL. We just have a few laughs then and I go back and sit down, and a few moments later he brings it up again, saying, "man, i just cant get over how much you look like her!" I was so confused as to why he thought that LOL.
Im sorry, I'm going down the bunny trail. Back on topic.
I really like him. And its a problem. A problem because I am starting to get depressed about me even liking him.. Like.. I don't know why. I feel like he doesn't like me as much as a student as before as well. He still looks and me and gives a laugh and smiles and stuff. But like. Idk. Trust me, if i had the option to not have a crush on him, I would totally go with it. But i really cant help it. What do i do?
A few facts :
* The reason i could be attached to him maybe because I never had a dad? I read about that.. It said i would be likely to be attracted to older guys..
* He is married, and that doesn't bother me at all, I think his wife is so beautiful! And they are so cute together, but when he jokes around with other students.. I don't get mad.. And as much as i hate to say jealous.. I think thats what it is... I think i get jealous... Man.
* I think about him LOADS, like almost every waking minute.. Im kinda frightened by this. I don't think I should feel like this.. Should i?
* Ive considered talking to him about my depression, i don't know if he knows i am depressed or not, or that i tried to commit last year, i don't know if the principal told the teachers, they usually have to. But it doesn't seem like he knows.. Or is that why he is nice? Idk. But he seems like someone I could trust with a few personal problems.
I cant think of anything else to write right now, but if i do, ill put it on another question.
Also sorry for making this SOOOO long with probably useless details. I just really want help for this!
It's normal to have a crush on your teacher. Many students do. But it's important that you realize that he's your teacher and that's it. I think he's nice to you because you're his student and he wants to help you. You like him so it's easy to see why you get jealous when he jokes around with other students.
The important thing to remember is that he's your teacher and that's as far as your relationship goes with him. I've had pretty cute teachers and some I've had maybe a tiny crush on, but it didn't go beyond that and I didn't want it to.
It's normal what you're going through but you need to do other things that will take your mind off of your teacher. If you are of age to date then maybe you should try that. You shouldn't get depressed over having a crush on him because it's normal. Girls get crushes on their teachers and guys do too. You're not the only one.
So do something else that takes your mind off of him. You could hang out with your friends at the movies, mall, park or wherever. Just do something so that you are not thinking about him as much. I know that this is getting to you but it's okay. It's normal and you can get through this.