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Teenage Problems/I heard my dad and his girlfriend having sex


I am a thirteen year old girl with 54/55 aged parents and I am an only child. My dad has a girlfriend and I think they have been together for about nine months now. I have a strong relationship with my dad, and I really like his girlfriend. I have heard them having sex twice now, and it really disturbs me to hear them, and they are right across the hallway from me so I can hear them quite clearly, even though I think they are trying to be quiet and they think I am asleep. It makes me feel uncomfortable to be around them. I don't think I can confront either of them. What should I do?

Hi Claudia,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

I know that it is not nice to hear anybody having sex but more so when it is one (or both) of your parents. It is good that your dad has a healthy sex life and that him and his girlfriend are finding the time to be intimate with each other but I can imagine that it can be quite disturbing to hear it when it is just across the hall.

You have two options, you can either get yourself some ear plugs and listen to some music for the duration or you can have a subtle and quiet word with your dad. You do not have to confront him directly about it if you do not feel comfortable having that discussion with him but if it is really affecting you, you need to say something. He may not realize how loud they are being or that you are not really asleep and if you do not address the issue soon, the more likely it is that they will think you cannot hear and it may become more frequent.

The best way to approach this to let your dad know that you are a light sleeper and that you can hear everything when you are in bed. Explain to him that over the last couple of weeks you have heard some noises during the night and it has kept you awake but you don't know what it is. Approaching the subject like this will make him think about what it could have been that kept you awake and he should realize that when he thinks he is being quiet, actually he isn't and you can hear what he and his girlfriend are doing. This conversation removes the embarrassment about discussing the issue of sex with him but will make him think about being conscious of the noise in the future and should stop you from hearing things that you really don't want to when you are in bed.

I hope that helps.  

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Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)


My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.


I have volunteered for for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with, and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

The Albert Kennedy Trust

Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

Awards and Honors
Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

Past/Present Clients Connexions Direct

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