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Teenage Problems/Relationships and when not to tell the truth

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Question
i have a few questions im a big party girl been hurt by guys in the past and well my rule has always been your damned if you do your damned if you dont a guy has three choices when i have a party or concert come up 1.we stay together but anything i do might do or think about will never be told to him and if i do tell him he can not hold it against me if say i kissed or had relations with someone else (witch has never happened but for a kiss one time) 2. they break up with me for the night and we get back together in the morning or 3. they juest break up with me. now of course i suck... and if they break up i think they dont love me if they stay i think they dont care enough about me to give a crap what i do or i feel guilty and break up with them. My last concert i lifted up my shirt flashing the staff of the venue a kissed someone i didnt know and partied my butt off. the reason i have these rules is because and i quote "i dont know what will happen when i attend these concerts/parties and cannot guarantee what state of mind i am in or how i will act and although nothing like that has ever happen i dont want it to be cheating" the last time i loved someone enough to miss a concert i really wanted to go to the guy fucked me then dumped me on my favorite holiday. so i vowed never again to let a guy stand in my way of being wild and free. but 2 1/2 months ago i met the best guy in the world and he has been so good to me. Im thinking about going to this concert in December and he says i can go but ik i will be limited to what i can do. i also want him to go but im afraid if he does he will get jealous and i will be limited even further.
if i go alone and do something like flash someone to me that's not cheating but to him i know it will be if i do something lesser like that and dont tell him ill feel like crap and i know my emotions will ruin our relationship but i stick to i dont know what state of mind ill be in idk what i will do at the concert so im stuck and i cant sit and talk with him about it he will either say nothing witch he usually does or he will think i dont love him or something like that i just need answers. what do i do?


question 2
i was in a motorcycle accident 1 month ago and the doctor said not to walk on my leg because of a fracture and well told me i couldn't ride for a while about a week ago i rode again for the first time since the crash and when i told him i was so proud but he got mad at me so i told him i wouldn't do it again... but i have and i haven't told him but im feeling horrible about it.. but should i....

Answer
Hi Raven, thx for your email. I will answer the second question b/c it's much less complicated but will refer to the first question in my response. It sounds like you are pretty clear on what you need to do/not do in both these situations. That being said, you seem to go against what one part of your brain is telling you and do something that can potentially hurt yourself.  To figure out what's going on there is going to take much more than an answer in an email. It does sound like there is self sabotage going on. You are your own worst enemy which is counter productive for you!!  If you are finding that this pattern is something you would like to stop, I would suggest getting involved with a counselling professional who can help you sort it out. (That is something I offer over Skype but if you can find one face-to-face that would be better.) All the best.

Shana

Teenage Problems

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Shanac

Expertise

Issues relating to: relationships, alcohol and drugs, sexuality, problems with parents and peers, struggles with divorcing parents, anxiety, mood changes and anger problems and pretty much everything else you can think of.

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Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology and 22+ years counselling experience with individuals, couples, and families. I also taught a communication course at a community college in my hometown.

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MA Counselling Psychology BA Psychology

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