Teenage Problems/techniques/exercises /books to handle verbal abuse
QUESTION: Hi Dr. Lee
With the terrible mistake I made of spitting on my neighbor, I will be moving to a different apartment building where I can get a fresh start. I feel bad about what I did and this apartment no longer feels like my own place. My parents are upset with me for leaving but I know in my heart I am doing the right thing by leaving. The young woman will feel safer with me gone. I am taking your advice Dr Lee over my parents. My neighbors verbally abused me, usually behind closed doors or as they were leaving their apartment. Most of the verbal abuse came from his two daughters.
You wrote words can hurt but I have to be bigger than words. My brother's friend felt I had issues with anger management.
When I hear verbal abuse starting up, what are techniques I can try to keep calm, cool and in control so I will be able to handle verbal abuse without getting angry or upset? Do you recommend certain breathing techniques or exercises? Are there also any books you recommend I buy to help me to better handle verbal abuse so I will not act out on my anger. I do want to try to be bigger than words and I do not want to fail again at being a person in my new apartment building if I hear verbal abuse from other people. I am afraid of failing at being a person again. I want to be the bigger person.
It is always so nice to talk to you and I am so grateful for your help.
ANSWER: Hi Jeff,
Thank you for writing to me again. I am glad to hear that you are moving to get a fresh start. One technique that I use with my group is the 3 plus 10 rule. You take 3 deep breaths through your nose and out of your mouth, then you count to 10 while concentrating on your counting. Our human bodies cannot stay in turmoil and calmness at the same time. The more oxygen that is in your body, the calmer you will be. By using the 3 plus 10 rule you are replacing your anger with oxygen.
As far as a good book to read to keep you relaxed, I would suggest the Holy Bible. Anger in itself is not sinful. It is what you do with your anger and how you respond to it that is both sinful and harmful. You have complete control over how you react to each situation.
Again, I would say to you to ignore what people say. You are the bigger person. You decided to move away to get a fresh start and I commend you for that. People verbally abuse other people to make themselves look good.
I need to ask you two questions. Do you read the Bible? Do you believe in God? I do not wish to offend you in any way.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you Dr. Lee for your helpful breathing exercise to help me stay calmer. I do not read the bible but I do have a holy bible in my apartment. I do believe in God and that everyone of us has at least one or more guardian angels. I ordered a complete collection of 400 catholic prayer cards, with many of them saints with important prayers or quotes. I also have several books on saints such as lessons from the lives of the saints by fr. Joseph Esper, the essential wisdom of the saints by Carol Kelly-Gangi and 52 saints to pray with by Jean Marie Hiesberger.
I also have 23 minutes in hell book by Bill Weise with DVD which is life changing. There is a prayer on the DVD that everyone must say to get into the book of life. I seldom go to church.
Where should I start reading in the bible to help me to relax with my anger issues?
Thank you for writing to me again.
Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV / 537 helpful votes
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Proverbs 15:1 ESV / 184 helpful votes
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Proverbs 22:24 ESV / 108 helpful votes
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Proverbs 12:16 ESV / 92 helpful votes
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Ephesians 4:27 ESV / 86 helpful votes
And give no opportunity to the devil.
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Proverbs 29:22 ESV / 77 helpful votes
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Luke 6:31 ESV / 71 helpful votes
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Romans 12:21 ESV / 55 helpful votes
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James 3:1-12 ESV / 54 helpful votes
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1 John 2:1-29 ESV / 53 helpful votes
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Proverbs 27:4 ESV / 51 helpful votes
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Philippians 4:4-6 ESV / 45 helpful votes
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Colossians 3:13 ESV / 40 helpful votes
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Proverbs 14:29 ESV / 36 helpful votes
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Ecclesiastes 3:8 ESV / 35 helpful votes
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James 1:1-27 ESV / 34 helpful votes
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Proverbs 21:15 ESV / 29 helpful votes
When justice is done, it is a joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers.
1 Peter 2:23 ESV / 26 helpful votes
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Ephesians 2:1-22 ESV / 21 helpful votes
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1 Corinthians 1:1-31 ESV / 20 helpful votes
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Ecclesiastes 3:1-22 ESV / 19 helpful votes
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Romans 8:2 ESV / 14 helpful votes
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Romans 1:18 ESV / 14 helpful votes
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Luke 21:8-9 ESV / 12 helpful votes
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Ephesians 4:18 ESV / 9 helpful votes
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Hebrews 11:1-40 ESV / 8 helpful votes
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Lamentations 5:16 ESV / 8 helpful votes
The crown has fallen from our head; woe to us, for we have sinned!
Proverbs 1:1-33 ESV / 8 helpful votes
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Malachi 2:16 ESV / 7 helpful votes
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Proverbs 15:5 ESV / 5 helpful votes
A fool despises his father's instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.
2 Chronicles 15:7 ESV / 5 helpful votes
But you, take courage! Do not let your hands be weak, for your work shall be rewarded.”
1 Samuel 25:22 ESV / 1 helpful vote
God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”
I hope this is helpful to you.