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Teenage Problems/What should I do?

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Okay, well... I'm Sara. I'm 20, and my boyfriend Paul is 22. Him and I have been together for a little over 3 years, and he lives with my mom and I. My mom agreed to let him move in last year around this time because his father is a drunk and would verbally abuse him constantly and smack him around when he was drunk. One time he came over my house with a nasty black eye and marks all over him and my mom offered to let him move in because she knows he's a good kid. Honestly, we would move out but him and I are both full time students and cannot afford it right now. He pays her rent, and he's really helpful around the house. He does all of the yard work for us, cleans up around the house and helps take care of our animals.

Him and I share a room and my mom knows that we have sex, and while she doesn't love it, she knows that we're safe about it. He is my first and only and him and I are probably going to get married someday. My mom and I have discussed this topic and she says that she knows she can't stop it from happening, but to just "be careful." Anyways, (sorry to be blunt) I'm sort of into light sub/dom kind of stuff; I like being dominated and pushed around a bit. We don't get too into it, though. No tying up anyone or anything. But Paul sent me an... Inappropriate text... At one point, and my phone screen turns on when I get a text. My phone was on the table and my mom saw. The text included him talking about his hand around my neck and he called me some really inappropriate things. My mom lost it, saying how demeaning that is to me, letting him do/say all that stuff. I told her that I encourage it and it's fine. Those names that he calls me stay in the bedroom. He is a sweetheart and he would never call me anything disrespectful unless it is in the bedroom and I'm okay with it. He's very respectful of me, but the bedroom is different than the rest of the time but she doesn't get it. She is very angry and I can't seem to calm her down about it. I don't want her saying anything to Paul because... Awkward... What do I do?

Answer
Hi Sara, sorry I'm late in answering your question.  I will answer in CAPITAL LETTERS SO YOU WILL EASILY SEE MY COMMENTS. I'M NOT SHOUTING.


Okay, well... I'm Sara. I'm 20, and my boyfriend Paul is 22. Him and I have been together for a little over 3 years, and he lives with my mom and I. My mom agreed to let him move in last year around this time because his father is a drunk and would verbally abuse him constantly and smack him around when he was drunk. One time he came over my house with a nasty black eye and marks all over him and my mom offered to let him move in because she knows he's a good kid. Honestly, we would move out but him and I are both full time students THATS A GOOD THING

and cannot afford it right now. He pays her rent,ALSO GOOD

and he's really helpful around the house. He does all of the yard work for us, cleans up around the house and helps take care of our animals.GOOD.

Him and I share a room OOPS NOT GOOD

and my mom knows that we have sex, and while she doesn't love it, she knows that we're safe about it.HMMM YEAH

He is my first and only and him and I are probably going to get married someday. My mom and I have discussed this topic and she says that she knows she can't stop it from happening, but to just "be careful." Anyways, (sorry to be blunt) I'm sort of into light sub/dom kind of stuff; I like being dominated and pushed around a bit. We don't get too into it, though. No tying up anyone or anything. But Paul sent me an... Inappropriate text...UN-OHHH

At one point, and my phone screen turns on when I get a text. My phone was on the table and my mom saw.NEVER SEND MESSAGES OR PICTURES YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO THE WORLD TO KNOW ABOUT.

The text included him talking about his hand around my neck and he called me some really inappropriate things. My mom lost it,I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT

saying how demeaning that is to me, letting him do/say all that stuff. I told her that I encourage it and it's fine. Those names that he calls me stay in the bedroom. He is a sweetheart and he would never call me anything disrespectful unless it is in the bedroom and I'm okay with it. He's very respectful of me, but the bedroom is different than the rest of the time but she doesn't get it.NO SHE DOES NOT GET IT AND MOST OTHER PEOPLE ALSO WOULD NOT GET IT.

She is very angry and I can't seem to calm her down about it. I don't want her saying anything to Paul because... Awkward... What do I do? WELL THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO GET TURNED ON DOING WHAT THE TWO OF YOU DO. BUT THE FIRST MISTAKE WAS SENDING TEXT MESSAGES OR PICTURES. SOME PEOPLE IN THE NEWS ARE GETTING INTO LEGAL TROUBLE OVER WHAT THEY SEND ON THE PHONE OR WHAT THEY TAKE PICTURES OF. ABOUT YOUR MOM, NOW SHE IS UNAWARE OF HOW SOME PEOPLE PLAY ACT LEADING UP TO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO PLEASE THEM. MY ONLY THOUGHT IS WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOU WANT SOMEONE TO SAY DEGRADING THINGS TO YOU OR TREAT YOU ROUGHLY? I KNEW SOMEONE WHO ASKED ME TO BE ROUGH WITH THEM, BUT I COULD NOT BE LIKE THAT. IT JUST WAS NOT SOMETHING I EVER WOULD DO. ABOUT ALL YOU CAN DO IS TO TELL YOUR MOM HONESTLY THAT YOU LIKE IT WHEN A GUY SAYS THINGS TO YOU THAT MANY PEOPLE WOULD FIND OFFENSIVE. YOU PROBABLY NEED TO THINK ABOUT WHY YOU LIKE TO BE TREATED IN THIS MANNER. THIS MAY HAVE SOME ROOT IN HAVING A NEED TO BE ABUSED OR FEELING GUILT OVER SOMETHING IN YOUR PAST LIFE. IT MAY HELP YOU TO PUT A FEELING TO HOW YOU BELIEVE YOU SHOULD BE TREATED FOR SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE OR THINK YOU HAVE CAUSED IN YOUR EARLIER LIFE.

Teenage Problems

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Expertise

I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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