Teenage Problems/liking another boy
QUESTION: Ok, so I am a young woman that is very mature for my age. I have been working as a professional model since I was nine, so I have always been around older people except for school. I have always been interested in older guys, around 20-25, and they have always expressed interest. Anyway, I am in a long-distance relationship with this guy who is older and loves me to the ends of the Earth and back; my family loves him and he is so supportive and loving towards me. I love him, I have told him that, and he plans to marry me. Even though I can see this happening in the future, the thought of marriage and children scares me because of how old I am. Lately I have been self-destructing-I feel down and very stressed, and I just want to have fun. I met a guy at the skate park when I was hanging with my other friends. He got my number and we became friends, so I would chill at his house. One night he said he wanted to try something, so he took a drag of his cigarette and shot gunned it to me. It was normal, but then he kissed me! I was so shocked, but mainly because I couldn't stop thinking about him after that. The next time I went over, we made out....next thing I know I had sex with him and stayed with him that night. We were high and he knew that would influence my decision to be with him, so he basically took advantage of me...but I didn't stop it. He is just interesting to me-we both love the same music, he has an amazing body because he surfs and skates, loves to travel, he's a relaxed pothead, a musician, he's been through a lot in life, and we just had a connection...you know how sometimes you just connect with someone? Yeah, but now I feel this dread for doing that when I am with such an amazing guy, and also I am confused at why I miss the other guy's voice and body next to mine, him playing his guitar for me.....ugg I guess I just needed to talk with someone and get your opinion on the situation. Thank you so much, this will help me a lot....
ANSWER: You never told me how old you are, which promotes a more accurate response. All I can really do is give you my opinion. Since you are a teenager, you are getting into risky behaviors. (Sex, getting high.) You will come across a lot of interesting guys throughout your life time and what you do not want to do is form a habit of how you respond to "influences." I do not know of any 'relaxed' pothead that is going to lead you in a less risky directions. My opinion? I would take the less traveled road. In this case, someone who is not out having sex with younger girls.
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QUESTION: I am 17, if that helps, sorry!
Thank you, your age helps! :-) I still will incorporate my previous answer to you as well as a few more points. Being under age and dating someone older can be a crime for the one you are dating if he is older. It depends on your state law and whether you dated while he was under 18. I cannot determine the legality (not an attorney) and that really is not why you are writing me. You are stuck between two guys. I get that. You are questioning your own feelings/desires. Some of us peak at different ages - depending on interests, opportunity, priorities, etc. At age 17, I had a crush on someone in my school that I never spoke to. 33 years later, we met up and are the best of friends. Would my relationship be different had I given in to pressure at a young age? I think it would be. I have more value and respect not only towards him but also towards myself. Was I tempted? Of course. We all face temptations for personal or professional growth. You always have to go back to who you are and does it go against your grain, AKA morals. You obviously are experimenting at a younger age. What you feel is normal. It is even normal to be in love with more than one person at a time. Is it fair? What is fair? You seem to like both guys. To answer your question would be more of you answering it. I cannot tell you what to do. All I can do is ask you....what do you want? Who do you want? Who do you have a future with, even if the future means a few weeks months or a couple of years. It is too soon to determine who will be there long term since relationships always face the test of time. I guess the best way to direct you is to rely on your intuition and instinct. Doing illegal acts (smoking weed) or having underage sex, may be something to re-think. There is nothing wrong with abstaining from sex. Sometimes, your answer can be found in the midst of doing absolutely NOTHING.