Teenage Problems/Cutting


I am 12 years old and have a friend (who is the same age as me) that I know is cutting herself. I don't know what to do because I really care about her and can't let her keep doing this. Help?

Hello Rayne,

You are a really good friend and thank you for taking the time to write in about what your friend is going through. It sounds that you are very worried and frustrated at what she is doing to herself; But there is a reason why Rayne.

When people cut themselves, it is because they are going through some emotional pain and suffering that is so unbearable that they can't cope with it. Cutting or self-harm, is a way to 'release' that emotional pain, like feeling physical pain instead of the emotional pain, almost like compensating for how bad the person feels. Each time a person cuts it takes the hurt away for a while until the mind cannot cope again and then it's back again to self-harming.

There is something that is deeply troubling your friend Rayne. No-one would self-harm unless there was some emotional pain happening to them.

This is a very deep subject and I want you to know that this will hurt You because you care about her so much (I will say the worst case scenario first and then give you other reasons after).The most common reason why people self harm is because they have been sexually abused. It could be one of her Parents or it could be another relative or even an outsider. Sexual abuse and self-harming is very common.

But, there may be other reasons. She may be being bullied at School or she may be being bullied by an older sister or brother. Another reason is that she is not getting the attention that she needs from her Parents. It's a cry for help - that's what cutting is all about. It's a way of saying "I am hurting, badly please someone help me".

What does she say when you ask her why she is doing it? There could be a clue in her response. Ask her first if she is being bullied, then just listen to her - she needs to open up. If she sais no, then ask her as gently as you possibly can, if she is being sexually abused. Try and get to the bottom of it, but bear in mind that most victims are too afraid to speak up because the abuser has threatened them to tell no-one.

It's a very serious issue and I'm concerned about you as well Rayne because of what I am asking you to do and you are so young. But, if she tells you, a trusting friend first, then further steps can be taken to get her some professional help. Urge her to talk to someone about what is happening to her. I will talk to her if she is willing to open up to me. If your School has a Counselor ask her to talk to them. This is the only way she can get help with her cutting - getting to the bottom of it by telling someone.

Whoever is hurting or violating her, if that is the case, will likely be threatening her to keep her mouth shut. But in my experience, the abusers don't carry out their threats, they say it so they can carry on with the abuse to get satisfaction.

She really has got to tell someone.

The conversations here can be set to 'Private' so nobody else can read them and she can also give a false name as well. But the important thing is that she has got to talk about what is troubling her.

It may or may not be sexual abuse, but it is something that is serious enough to make her harm herself.

Caroline :)

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Caroline West


Hi.I can answer really all questions regarding to any problems that you are facing at the moment. You can write to me with any concerns you may be having around relationships, friends, boyfiends, girlfriends, sex, losing your virginity - I can answer any worries and doubts you may have. If you are feeling Depressed or Angry and you don't know why, I can help. Plus If you are feeling a bit lost and out of place, talk to me. Is there stuff going on at home that's causing you hurt? Are you having problems with your parents? - I'll help you. Anything as well to do with the Emotions I understand. If you are feeling like you are not coping and/or your school work is suffering, we can talk that through. Are you suffereing from bullying, cyber-bullying? I'll help. Religion, where you may be questioning your Spirituality. Drug and Alcohol problems and questions, if you're worried it's getting out of control or perhaps a friend is going through issues. Whatever's going on around you or inside you, feel free to write in. I'm here to help anyone who's having a tough time and with some tough decisions to make. And if you have wandered off the path a bit, I'll help you get back on track :)


I had a tough time being a Teenager. I had suffered bullying, feeling alone. I was very rebellious too and I hung around with the wrong type of kids and started smoking and I got into Drugs before I was even 13. I lost my Virginity at the age of 14 which I now know is a precious thing. There was a lot going on with my home life and I felt very alone with Parent's that didn't understand me. I became very depressed and felt I had no one to turn to, I felt lost. I'm older now and have dealt with the things that went on and have a better life. So I do understand and I really am here to help anyone that writes in who wants a listening ear and support :)

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I have returned to AllExperts.com after a year long break. Before I left I had been with All Experts for over 3 years and worked in many categories ranging from Teenage Problems, Abusive Relationships to Drug/Substance Abuse and many more. I have just returned initially to help Teenagers out that are having problems.

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