Teenage Problems/sister

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Question
My older sister (who's raised me ever since my mum left when I was 4) has gotten the bloody silly idea in her head to ban me from wearing black since I might "start cutting myself and worshiping Satan." Now, I have been depressed since my complete arse of a boyfriend dumped me, but I don't think that's any reason to ban a color! Do you think this is fair? (I'm 15, btw my sis is 29 and has custody of me)

Answer
Hi Rose, I do not think its a question of "fairness" but a matter of your sisters concern and love for you. Yeah, there are kids who wear black because they want to embrace the "Goth" culture. And yeah, some wear black to imitate Satanic believers. And yeah, a whole lot of kids are into "cutting". I get one out of three questions from kids who are cutting. Thats really sad. I suggest you try to keep on good terms with your sister. Boyfriends come and go, so do not feel that losing one is of any great importance. Most people do not settle down with anyone they meet in high school anyway. At the moment your number one job is your academic schoolwork.  Its exactly like an adult that goes to work everyday.  Only your work is your schoolwork. If you need help then ask for it from your teachers. They are getting paid by people like your sister and the parents of other kids.  Your education is not free and these teachers are not in their job for free.  

Teenage Problems

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Jonathan

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I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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