Teenage Problems/bad move
hi i have 19 years old and i study in the university my problem is that i don't feel good in our new house...we were in a beautiful house in downtown i was in a good high school ... i had a lot of friends and i had my close friend who was my neighbor too so every day at the end of the day we talked about our day and our studies and so on ... but nothing is good now because we moved in an another house (which is far of 20 kilometers of my city) i didn't wanted this move at all because i was obliged to change my high school...my friends...my life...my boyfriend :'(
-I cried a lot and I begged my parents to stay but nothing has changed...it was so hard for me to accept these changements i had 16 years old (it was my first real friends ... it was my first year in high school) I simply loved my life
-it's four years that I'm in this new house..I have some friends but not close we haven't any relationship with our neighbors !!
-I get depressed...I'm nervous all the time I can't live in this Province and this environment (this bothers me too)
-and the worse my parents didn't accept the idea to living alone "I need your help please I've had enough of this situation. bye
Apologies for taking so long to reach you, I needed to really think over what you wrote and how best to help you.
I was very sad to read your story; it sounds like you went through a terrible time with the move and it is still affecting you today. This is a common situation but there is hope for a better future and making your present more bearable.
The move happened 4 years ago and I felt that you are wanting to re-live those happy years before the move happened. Nina, as we get older and more grown up, we change as people. lots of peoples friends changed from their young teenage years to their mid teens and late teens and into adulthood. The friends and boyfriend that you left behind will have undeniably changed too, matured and become different people. So even if say you were allowed to move back, you might actually be a little shocked to find things aren't exactly as you left them, things won't be the same as they were 4 years back.
What we need to do now is move you on and to let go of the past, not forget it, just move beyond it. You will never get those happy years back, but what you do have are memories and a present and future life to consider.
Sometimes too we just don't feel happy where we are living, there is just something about the area that doesn't fit comfortably with us. This is a common thing as well. It's sad that your Parents won't let you live alone. All I can say to you on that matter is to sit down and talk with them, repeatedly, about how unhappy you are. I know you have already told them, but if you keep persevering they may eventually give in. So just keep trying and don't give up until you get what you need.
The next issue I want to address are ways to make your present life more bearable. I can't make the depression and anxiety go away in one reply - I can give you pointers - but if these feelings persist I would recommend that you seek Counseling. I am more than happy to carry on and work with you and offer ideas that will help and support you in any way that I can. But Anxiety and Depression can take a few weeks or months to improve.
Having said that, there are things that You can do to improve your daily life and make the feelings more manageable. The first is to accept your current situation as it is (for the time being). And second, to move on from your past (easier said than done I know). Just try and let go that everything will be exactly the same as when you left.
You have your University studies which is great. And I want to suggest that you find some things that you enjoy doing outside of studying. I don't know if you have any hobbies, but now would be a good time to find one or even a few. Think about what you enjoyed in the past and take it up again and try out new things which you've always had a curiosity about and put your efforts into those which will help a great deal in taking your mind off things and away from your feelings.
Hold on to the fact that one day you will be able to leave home and go and live wherever you wish. Many young people want this, to break away, and your time Will come. Hold on to that and start planning yourself and thinking about the future you ideally desire. That will help you feel optimistic and lift the Depression slightly.
And do nice things for yourself. Pamper yourself, do things with your hair, nails, skin - really take care of making sure that you do pleasant activities. This all sounds very basic, but they really do work. Take time out for Nina. Read new books in genres that you never considered, that is always a refreshing thing to do.
Right now you need to 'ride the storm'. These circumstances won't last forever and you can take comfort in that knowledge. Life is forever changing, everyones, and yours will one day too. As Winston Churchill quoted: "If you are going through hell, keep going", and he was right. Just go through it and make the best of what you have, that's the only way that will help to make things easier.
It's hard to let go, I have been in that situation many a time, but just waiting round the corner comes a ray of hope out of the blue and your life changes.
You mentioned that you and your Family don't talk to your neighbours, well, why don't you go out and befriend some of them? If there are girls and decent boys that are your age, smile at them and say hello. You could make some local friendships which will again make your living conditions more tolerable.
Try the things that I have written. There should be a Counsellor at your University that could at least refer you to appropriate services if things don't improve. Just don't be afraid to talk with them. Go and see them. And work on letting go and accepting - 'acceptance' being the key here - of your current situation. That doesn't mean that you have to like it, just make the best of what you have.
Start living again Nina.
I hope that I have helped a little. I have written a lot so you may wish to re-read it again. And just know that new opportunities are always around the corner. And just don't give up hope.
Take good care of yourself and write in whenever you would like.