Teenage Problems/How can I change for the better?
I am a healthy 15 year old guy with some problems.
I'm tired of being single, weak, scared, tired, overweight, and annoying. I always dreamed of being a doctor, but since nobody believed in me, I stopped believing in me also. I always dreamed of having two or three children and a loving wife, but I have never had a serious relationship or even gone out on a date with a girl, so I don't have as much hope as before. I have always wanted to be fit, but the food and alcohol makes the pain go away, so I stopped wanting.
How can I become better?
I'm really glad that you wrote in. I can help you with what you are feeling and explain to you why you are experiencing what you are and provide a solution. However, my words will be a guide and you will need to put the work in into making the changes that I am going to suggest. I am willing to work with you for as long as you need and as long as it takes :)
The great thing is that you are young - it is much harder to work with adults that are going through what you are. I just want to reassure you that there is hope and these problems that you are facing truly can be resolved. It may not happen overnight, but it can happen quickly.
There's a lot to discuss here so this is going to be a long initial response. If you like how I do things in helping you then I can see you through to the end in making you feel better about yourself and making the changes.
The first thing I want to talk to you about is something called a 'Viscous Circle'. What that means is because of how you feel you do what you think is right in order to make you feel better when in fact what you do do only makes things worse and round and round in a circle it goes not getting any better.
You are overweight which leads to feelings of tiredness, feeling bad about yourself, feeling that you are unattractive so what you do is eat more and drink alcohol to 'try' to feel better but all that does is make you put more weight on and make you feel worse: And that is what the 'Viscous Circle' is. This circle is classic amongst the overweight. And the key is to break that circle.
Both food and alcohol are high in calories. Alcohol especially because it contains a lot of hidden calories so the more you drink the more you gain weight. Alcohol also has the side-effect of making you depressed. So the more you drink, actually the more you get depressed. Then the food you eat for comfort because you feel down adds more calories so again you will gain more weight. We need to get you out of that cycle.
The fact that your dreams of becoming a Doctor, which is a fantastic career choice, is being squashed by those around you who don't believe in you. This is just adding more and more sadness and feelings of hopelessness. The reality is that nobody can change the people around you, none of us can. But we can choose to ignore them and focus inward and start telling ourselves "they may not believe in me but i believe in me, so I'm going to stop even talking about my goals to these people because they won't change their negative views, they will make me feel bad but I can change how I think and start telling myself that this dream of mine IS possible and I CAN achieve it". Sadly Juan, those around us that are 'supposed' to be supporting us sometimes just don't. So you need to start ignoring them and stop talking to them straight away about your becoming a Doctor. I believe in you, I know you can change and I know that you can reach your goal, I truly do.
The biggest problem with those of us that are overweight is 'motivation'. We want to change our bodies, we want to work out, we want to get toned and slimmer, but because we feel so down and locked in that viscous circle we find it hard to break through that barrier. But once you push yourself and force yourself to take the first step to break that pattern, it becomes easier and easier to keep up the momentum and keep dieting and exercising.
There is no proof that you will never get a girlfriend, have kids and get married. The only thing that is holding you back is you along with all the battering your self-esteem has taken by people making you feel bad and the fact that you don't like yourself. But that can be changed. Firstly, and I know what I am talking about, you need to start working on your issues and focusing on yourself to get your body in the shape that you want and stopping the patterns of comfort eating and drinking first before you even think about getting a girlfriend. This is only temporary by the way, but we need to get you feeling good about yourself First - that's the way it works. The focus for the time being needs to be on YOU and working through each issue and then everything else will fall into place naturally. But You have to put all your energy into yourself first.
Feeling weak will make you feel scared. You feel weak mentally by the hopelessness and the belief your dreams are shattered and you feel weak physically by the excess weight and lack of muscle so you feel, if I am not mistaken, that you can't defend yourself. I really can help you change both mentally and physically.
I know I have wrote a great deal so far but that's because I wanted you to see that I understand what you are feeling and explain the reasons behind why you feel the way you do. What I would like to do, if you like what I have talked about and you feel that you can trust me to help you break this cycle of feelings and unhelpful behaviors, is to get you believing in yourself again and get you back on track and feel good enough about yourself so your dreams can become a reality and get you 'unstuck' from the place that you are in right now. Trust me I can work with you for as long as it takes to get you feeling good and in a good space both physically and mentally.
So have a think about what I have said so far and if you feel that I'm someone that can support you, guide you and get you through this and you can trust, then we can start working on changing your current way of life. It's possible, it can be done and I believe that you can do it; In fact, I know you can change for the better and get the life that you want and deserve.
It will take a bit of time. But step by step we'll get you to feeling better and being the Juan that you wish to be :)
I can help you!
(just write a follow-up. And if there is anything that you want to discuss that is of a sensitive nature, just put the follow-up or new question set to 'Private').