Teenage Problems/help, confused
QUESTION: hi. im sharpie. im 15. there is this guy at my school. he seems alright. I often catch him staring at me with a blank face or with a "undressing you with my eyes" face. Once he was complementing me on my accent (jamaican) and he said he would f*** me anytime. from that point on i've had mixed feelings about him. part of me wants to slap him and tell him to get his eyes off me and to get out of my life, but the other part of me wants him. that parts wants him to do what he said that day when he was complementing my accent. i don't konw what to do. for now i'm trying to stay away from him in order to keep feelings hidden but i don't want to keep them hidden for much longer. what should i do?
ANSWER: Hi Sharpie,
I'm glad that you wrote in before anything happened between you and this guy, because to me it spells 'Disaster'. There are a few things you need to consider first.
If you really are honest with yourself; What if he hadn't been staring at you, complementing you and saying he wanted to f*** you; Would you have taken any notice of him??
For a guy to come up to a girl and say that he want's to f*** her tells me straight away that he is a very confident kid veering on the arrogant side. Plus nice guys just don't approach girls like that. He seems just way too sure of himself.
Some guys will say anything to get a girl into bed with them. And my concern is that is all it's going to be, a quick 'one-two', he gets what he wants and leaves you emotionally hurt and used. That's what worries me.
Before you even give this guy the time of day, my advice to you is find out as much as you can about him through the people he hangs around with - the girls mainly to get a clearer picture of what he's about. Do it subtly of course, but check him out, see if he is boyfriend material or simply a player.
When we are teenagers we are very easily susceptible to let our emotions get the better of us. We are quite fragile, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. So that is why I wonder whether you would actually of noticed him if it weren't for his advances.
The other thing is that you are in two minds about him. A part of you wants him to back off and another part of you wants his attention. There's nothing wrong in that: But please find out as much as you can about him before you contemplate being with him. He may just f*** you and leave you, or there may be a chance of a relationship.
Do your homework on him first and listen to your gut instincts - What are they saying? Be as honest with yourself as you possibly can.
All I can do Sharpie is help you to look at it from various directions, give my opinion and help You decide what You want to do as ultimately it will be your decision. But I would like to help you make the right choice.
You can write in to me again at any time you like if you want to talk some more about him or other.
Trust your gut instincts Sharpie.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thanks you. that answer was very helpful. i did talk to some people about him. A lot of people thinks he's cool, mostly the guys, but when i ask some of my girl friends they say he creeps them out some. One of my guyfriends we'll call matthew told me the guy we'll call peter, used to go to the same school so they know each other. matthew told me that peter was somewhat of a player. he would find a girl he likes, flirt with her, get her in bed with him, then leave her. when he told me this i was scared. peter constantly staring at me already scared me but him staring at me then knowing this completely make me freaked out. i told my best friend and she thinks i might be his next target, which i don't doubt going by the way he looks at me and acts around me sometimes. i consider myself pretty strong but, peter is about twice my size and probably a good 2 or 3 times my strength. i wouldn't stand a chance against him. He starting to check out my friend as well but she thinks that its only to get to me. Im scared right now and i really don't know what to do. I only have one class with him, but i go to a boarding school and peter and i are both boarders. I always seem to run into him wherever i go on weekends in the town the school is in (we are able to roam the town in me school. its very small). at first i thought it was just coincidence, now its just too weird to be true. i'm terrified. what should i do?
I'm very sorry for replying so late, I haven't been well and I didn't want to rush and give you a reply while I was sick. I do apologize.
Ok, great! You got this guy checked out and what he was 'really' about which is fantastic you did that.
Now, from what his male and female friends have said just confirms the suspicions I had about this guy.
Sharpie, I know that you feel scared but you have no reason to be, I promise. The only thing that you need to do is just keep well away from him in the sense of not engaging with him even in conversation though I appreciate you are at Bording School together which makes it more difficult.
His guy friends are dumb. They think that what he does with girls is 'cool' and probably wish they were more like him. And the girls, he has no doubt left a trail of hurt behind him. He is a loser, trust me.
Honestly don't be scared. Yes he has his eye on you in that he wants to bed you; but you are not going to let that happen and eventually, and I promise you this, he will get the message and move on to the next girl. You are not in any danger. He is just a creep that makes your skin crawl when he's around. Ignore him and he will eventually he will leave you alone. Dont even talk to him Sharpie, he'll get bored eventually.
If you are overly concerned and his advances get worse, tell one of your Teachers and let them have a word with him about his behaviour.
See, when anybody is trying to get to someone in any way whether to date them, bed them, annoy them, they are looking for a reaction. Now if you don't react to them and basically ignore them, they WILL get bored and give up. It takes a bit of time, perseverence and strength, but they do give up.
You know the deal with this guy now and what the outcome would be if you get close to him so let him go and no longer contemplate getting involved with him. He won't change either, I can promise you that too. Sometimes as women we think we can be the 'one' that changes a guy, it very rarely happens.
You did the right thing in checking him out, so now you just have to be strong and ignore him completely. It may get worse for a bit with his advances, but it will get better and then in the end he will leave you alone.
I hope this has helped. And again I'm really sorry for replying so late. I get PMT really bad and that's what it was.
Everything will be Ok and if you want to talk some more then do write in again.
Remember: Totally ignore him, don't even speak to him and he'll get the message.