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Teenage Problems/School problem


QUESTION: Hi Dr. Lee. I'm adriana, 16 years old.. This is a school problem really.. Recently i've been a candidate for the assistant head prefect. And its most likely i'll get the post. The problem is, i don't really want the post, or in other words i dont think i can handle the responsibility.
My parents think that its good for my future. But i'm afraid i'll end up getting stressed with duties plus academics. And according to my parents, they said that if i "turned down" the offer it will leave a bad name for me. They said that the teachers (and friends) have put trust in me, and so i'll be letting them down.
What should i do?

ANSWER: Hi Adriana,
Thank you for writing to me.  You have to do what you feel. If you are a very structured person and can keep things in order, you can handle the responsibility.  It is another issue if you really don't want the post.  If you really don't want the post, you should not take it because you will not give it your best.  However, if you really want the post you will be very good at it.  This seems like an honor to me and it would look good for your future but you have to want the post.  This seems to me to be an assistant post, which suggests to me that you will not have to do everything on your own.  I would try it, not for my parents, teachers, or friends but for me.  Now, IF things get too much and your grades are suffering or declining, or if you feel really stressed, I would suggest that you cancel the post because nothing is more important than your education. You did not tell me how your grades are now and if you are stressed without taking the assistant head prefect post.  People can put trust in you or feel that you are letting them down, but if you are not true to yourself, you are letting you down.  You have to live with you and your decisions in life.  

Please feel free to write me again.

Dr. Lee

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: About my grades, well so far i'm an A student. And thats just the thing, i'm a perfectionist and i do not like it when i fall below an A. I'm not trying to brag, but that is the truth. Since i'm a "normal" prefect for now, i think things are going well, since i've been a prefect for 4 years now. But again, its the fact that i dont think i can handle the extra load if i do get the post.
When i asked my teacher who is the person "next in line" if i turn down the post, she just gave me a general answer that i have all the qualities that they're looking for. She also mentioned that the candidates, including myself, have been agreed by the fellow prefects and also teachers. I keep thinking that, am i the right choice? Why do people put so much trust in me, when i think a few others can deliver a much better job?
And i did think about the fact that if i dont want it, i will not be fully committed. But that's what i'm trying to tell the teacher. When i ask opinions from others, they're not really helping much. I'll have to act quick before the official results are released, which is VERY soon.

Hi Adriana,
Thank you for writing to me again.  I have been thinking about what you just wrote.  Even though your friends, teachers, and parents think that you should not turn down this post, I totally disagree.  Maintaining an "A" in school is quite an achievement.  I commend you for that.  Keeping an "A" is going to open a lot more doors for you to get into better colleges, and/or getting great employment.  It is going to do a great deal more for you than holding a post.  You come across to me that you really don't want this post.  I would say let the next person in line take the post and you continue to maintain and concentrate on your grades.  If no one else is proud of you, I am.  If you doubt if you can be successful in holding this post and maintaining your "A" in your studies, I don't think you can do the both.

Just wait and see if you are offered the post.  If you are, and you have been telling the teachers that you don't think you want the post and they are not listening to you, just thank them and inform them that you are declining the position.  Let them know that at this time in your education you would like to concentrate on your studies.  Let them know that you do not want to take on any distractions that may bring your grades down.  Explain the same thing to your friends and family if you feel you have to consider their feelings.  This is your life.  You must remember, if you take the post and your grades begin to fall, your parents, friends, and teachers will be looking at you and stating that maybe it was too much for you to accept the post.  Either way, someone is going to disagree with your decision.  That is why I suggest that you keep your grades up.  I too, was a "A" student all the way through college.  I am an advocate for a good education.

Please feel free to write to me again.

Dr. Lee  

Teenage Problems

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Dr. Shirley M Lee


I can answer questions relating to youth that are on probation, arrested, has anger management issues, lack of impulse control, problems in school and substance abuse issues. Additionally, I can answer questions about youth with sex issues, domestic violence, child abuse, child sex abuse, as the abuser and the one that has been abused, parent abuse, physical, mental and psychological abuse. I answer questions about marriage and divorce. I can't answer questions about medication that has been ordered by a psychiatrist and it's side affects or should you stop taking it. I can answer the question as to what reason the medication was ordered.


I have been providing care, guidance, and social services for children, adolescents, and their families for 32plus years. I work with young people who struggle with behavioral problems and issues at home and school. I assist our youth in developing healthy living habits and motivate them to become productive citizens. In addition, I work with the parents and families to motivate and encourage strengthening the family. I have worked with families that have been homeless, in poverty, peer pressure, and bullying. I currently counsel with youth that are on probation for battery, domestic violence, petit and petite theft, substance substance abuse and sex offenders. I also speak with their teachers and go into the homes and schools. I am a mentor to all these children and their parents. When help is needed beyond my expertise I will suggest where to take the child to receive the proper services.


Published 6 books and were sold at the Christian Book Store for one year.

Ph.d in Sacred Religious Counseling; Ph.d in Counseling Psychology; MA in Public Administration; BA in Paralegal; Clinically Certified Domestic Violence Counselor; CFARS (CHILDREN'S FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE); and for adults the FARS (FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE. I am also a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor.

Awards and Honors
Biblical Studies with highest Honors. Magna Cum laude.

Past/Present Clients
In the past I worked for two different agencies as a Case Manager, a Therapist and a Counselor for the youth. I worked under the leadership of the two agencies as an independent contractor. 3 years ago I began working my own business, which has been in existence since 2002 in counseling. Presently I am working with youth that are on probation and is court ordered to take an anger management and/or impulse control class with me. I am also registered with the county to perform marriage counseling and weddings.

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