Teenage Problems/Crush

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QUESTION: Hi,,Im 16 yrs old.I'm kind of in a difficult position right now.It might seem a little crazy but yeah..I need advice.Two weeks ago..my classmate..a guy started chatting with me online.I was surprised because he never talked to me before and neither did I notice him.We are in the same class this year.We communicate often, through social website, texting ,calling and etc.We got really close..I started to grow feelings for him.And we even hung out together,though there were other friends with us.They said we both looked like couples since we were really close and when I rested my head on his shoulder,he didn't mind at all.I thought he had the same feelings for me too.And then suddenly, since a week ago, he stopped everything.The chatting,calling,texting etc.It was so obvious he's avoiding me.Whenever I text him all he says is Im eating,I got homework,Im sleepy..and so on.I know he's avoiding me but why ? When I asked him a few days ago..all he said is..he is not avoiding me.I tried my best to get an answer but he was laughing instead.He thinks I was joking.I do not know what to do now.I still have feelings for him and Im dying to know why is he ignoring me ? Did he found out I have feelings for him and thought of avoiding me because we don't have a chance ? Or is it something else..should I move on ? should I wait ? I can't seem to forget him.I wanna be with him more than anything.Is it because of the exams next month ? He is the top student in my class..I am also worried on how to focus on anything else when he is in my mind all day.I still wait for him to talk to me.He doesn't look at me in school and walks a different direction if he sees me.I am so hurt.Really depressed and sad thinking about the fun we had together.People thought we were actually dating when they see us..but now ? I have no idea what is going on. And today, he actually borrowed my notebook, and also looked at me and maybe was not ignoring me. I just don't understand this guy ! Is he shy ? Is he scared ? He used to like me status and comments on facebook but after we hung out..I thought we were gonna get close instead we just drifted apart. Why is he doing this ? Does he like me?

ANSWER: Dear Premjit,
Thank you for writing to me.  It is obvious that something happened.  Perhaps he liked you and when you laid your head on his shoulder it kind of scared him.  He probably liked you but was not aware of how much you liked him.  Also some of his friends may have been teasing him and he is trying to prove to them that he does not like you in that manner.  Young people can be so cruel at times.  The best thing for you to do is to attempt to get him alone or on the phone and talk to him.  Let him know that you are his friend regardless to what people may say.  Ask him is there anything that you did that caused him to act differently towards you.  Let him know that you are displeased with his behavior especially since he cannot tell you what you did to him.  Also explain to him that if he heard anything that you were supposed to have said that it is only right that he tell you and give you a chance to explain what was said.  If he insist on avoiding you and does not want to answer you, leave him alone and sooner or later you will find out what is going on.

If you have any more questions, please feel free to write to me.

Respectfully,
Dr. Lee

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey thanks for the reply.I am 100% sure he had feelings for me.It might just be because he started to feel  something for me and is afraid that it might grow stronger and affect his studies or I'm just not the type of girl he wants to be with.However, will he avoid me if it's his first time feeling like this ? Because he doesn't know how to deal with it ? Will a guy avoid you if he likes you ? He's the type of guy that has a certain amount of friends that he constantly hangs out with,sits in one corner of the class and doesn't talk to anybody else but them.Maybe that could also be the reason.I think I will try to ask him out after the exams are over and if he is willing to go out with me then i will confront him about it, but if he doesn't it will be heartbreaking and devastating because I don't wanna lose the friendship that I had with him.He's a great guy and I don't wanna lose him.He's worth it.And I also know that I will have to move on sooner or later if this prolongs , it will teach me to be more matured and prepared for something better someday.Though deep down inside I can't lie to myself that I love him and never felt this way before, which makes me not to give up on him and maybe wait for him ? Till one day we get our chance ? Should I ?

Answer
Hi Premjit,
Thank you for writing me again. All the reasons that you came up with is a possibility.  He may be afraid of his feelings and do not want to get attached and he does not know how to handle his feelings.  He may have mentioned to his friends the feelings that he was having for you and they picked at him.  Teenagers can be cruel at times and now he is trying to convince them that he does not really have feelings for you.  One way to convince them is to avoid you.  

Allow him to concentrate on his studies at this time.  Don't confront him about how he has been treating you because he is going to try and protect his feelings from you.  If you would like to ask him out, find some other friends in which you and him know, and ask he to join you all in perhaps a lunch or just a soda.  That way if he declines, you can still go out with your friends and you will not feel isolated.  You will be out with your friends.  If he agrees then you can take it from there that he wants to spend time with you.  Perhaps, the next time you can invite him out, just the two of you.  At that time you can approach the way he made you feel when you thought he was avoiding you.  He may feel the same way you feel and is trying to protect his feelings because he doesn't think you like him.

Take things slowly until you find out his true feelings.  You are too young, I know you don't want to hear this because right now, to you, this is true love.  You will probably have this feeling many more times before you actually find true love.  However, there are some couples that found true love in high school, got married, raised a family and are still together.  However, that is not the norm.  Please be careful.

Please be patient.

Respectfully,
Dr. Lee

Teenage Problems

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Dr. Shirley M Lee

Expertise

I can answer questions relating to youth that are on probation, arrested, has anger management issues, lack of impulse control, problems in school and substance abuse issues. Additionally, I can answer questions about youth with sex issues, domestic violence, child abuse, child sex abuse, as the abuser and the one that has been abused, parent abuse, physical, mental and psychological abuse. I answer questions about marriage and divorce. I can't answer questions about medication that has been ordered by a psychiatrist and it's side affects or should you stop taking it. I can answer the question as to what reason the medication was ordered.

Experience

I have been providing care, guidance, and social services for children, adolescents, and their families for 32plus years. I work with young people who struggle with behavioral problems and issues at home and school. I assist our youth in developing healthy living habits and motivate them to become productive citizens. In addition, I work with the parents and families to motivate and encourage strengthening the family. I have worked with families that have been homeless, in poverty, peer pressure, and bullying. I currently counsel with youth that are on probation for battery, domestic violence, petit and petite theft, substance substance abuse and sex offenders. I also speak with their teachers and go into the homes and schools. I am a mentor to all these children and their parents. When help is needed beyond my expertise I will suggest where to take the child to receive the proper services.

Organizations
AACC (AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS) AND THE BAACC (BLACK AFRICAN-AMERICAN CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS).

Publications
Published 6 books and were sold at the Christian Book Store for one year.

Education/Credentials
Ph.d in Sacred Religious Counseling; Ph.d in Counseling Psychology; MA in Public Administration; BA in Paralegal; Clinically Certified Domestic Violence Counselor; CFARS (CHILDREN'S FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE); and for adults the FARS (FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE. I am also a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor.

Awards and Honors
Biblical Studies with highest Honors. Magna Cum laude.

Past/Present Clients
In the past I worked for two different agencies as a Case Manager, a Therapist and a Counselor for the youth. I worked under the leadership of the two agencies as an independent contractor. 3 years ago I began working my own business, which has been in existence since 2002 in counseling. Presently I am working with youth that are on probation and is court ordered to take an anger management and/or impulse control class with me. I am also registered with the county to perform marriage counseling and weddings.

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