Teenage Problems/Crush

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Question
,Im 16 yrs old.I'm kind of in a difficult position right now.It might seem a little crazy but yeah..I need advice.Two weeks ago..my classmate..a guy started chatting with me online.I was surprised because he never talked to me before and neither did I notice him.We are in the same class this year.We communicate often, through social website, texting ,calling and etc.We got really close..I started to grow feelings for him.And we even hung out together,though there were other friends with us.They said we both looked like couples since we were really close and when I rested my head on his shoulder,he didn't mind at all.I thought he had the same feelings for me too.And then suddenly, since a week ago, he stopped everything.The chatting,calling,texting etc.It was so obvious he's avoiding me.Whenever I text him all he says is Im eating,I got homework,Im sleepy..and so on.I know he's avoiding me but why ? When I asked him a few days ago..all he said is..he is not avoiding me.I tried my best to get an answer but he was laughing instead.He thinks I was joking.I do not know what to do now.I still have feelings for him and Im dying to know why is he ignoring me ? Did he found out I have feelings for him and thought of avoiding me because we don't have a chance ? Or is it something else..should I move on ? should I wait ? I can't seem to forget him.I wanna be with him more than anything.Is it because of the exams next month ? He is the top student in my class..I am also worried on how to focus on anything else when he is in my mind all day.I still wait for him to talk to me.He doesn't look at me in school and walks a different direction if he sees me.I am so hurt.Really depressed and sad thinking about the fun we had together.People thought we were actually dating when they see us..but now ? I have no idea what is going on. And today, he actually borrowed my notebook, and also looked at me and maybe was not ignoring me. I just don't understand this guy ! Is he shy ? Is he scared ? He used to like me status and comments on facebook but after we hung out..I thought we were gonna get close instead we just drifted apart. Why is he doing this ? Does he like me?

Answer
Hi Premjit, thanks for the question. It sounds like things are very confusing... for him.  You seem pretty clear about things- you like him. He seems to be less clear on what he wants and that makes things confusing for you as well. It also sounds like there is some mixed messages coming from him (he ignored you and recently asked to borrow your notebook). Unfortunately I have no way of knowing what is going on with him as I have no way to communicate with him.  Feeling powerless, as it sounds like you do, is not a fun feeling to have and communication is key in every relationship. One way you may be able to get some of your "power" back is to decide how long you will let him "figure things out".  Is it acceptable that he continue to "treat" you like this for a few more days, a week, a month?  Keep in mind that as this continues, you feel worse and more confused. Unfortunately being rejected, is something that everyone experiences in life, at some point. It is part of life and it's hard. I don't know that he is rejecting you but it does sound like you feel that he is.  Given the lack of communication with him, about what is going on, all you can do is make assumptions and generally making assumptions is not a great idea because you could be wrong.  One suggestion may be something like this, send him a note, be honest and to the point. As an example: "Hi, I'm feeling quite confused and hope that you can clarify things for me. On one hand we were getting really close and seemed to like each other and then something changed and I have felt ignored for the last while. Then recently you asked to borrow my notebook and seemed to engage with me a little bit. Can you explain what is going on for you so I can get clarity."  Obviously those are my words but I think you get the idea. Hopefully he will respond to that and clear things up.  I hope that helped. If you wouldn't mind leaving some feedback/rating, I would appreciate it. All the best.

Shana

Teenage Problems

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Shanac

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Issues relating to: relationships, alcohol and drugs, sexuality, problems with parents and peers, struggles with divorcing parents, anxiety, mood changes and anger problems and pretty much everything else you can think of.

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Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology and 22+ years counselling experience with individuals, couples, and families. I also taught a communication course at a community college in my hometown.

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MA Counselling Psychology BA Psychology

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