Teenage Problems/Crush

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Question
Im 16 yrs old.I'm kind of in a difficult position right now.It might seem a little crazy but yeah..I need advice.Two weeks ago..my classmate..a guy started chatting with me online.I was surprised because he never talked to me before and neither did I notice him.We are in the same class this year.We communicate often, through social website, texting ,calling and etc.We got really close..I started to grow feelings for him.And we even hung out together,though there were other friends with us.They said we both looked like couples since we were really close and when I rested my head on his shoulder,he didn't mind at all.I thought he had the same feelings for me too.And then suddenly, since a week ago, he stopped everything.The chatting,calling,texting etc.It was so obvious he's avoiding me.Whenever I text him all he says is Im eating,I got homework,Im sleepy..and so on.I know he's avoiding me but why ? When I asked him a few days ago..all he said is..he is not avoiding me.I tried my best to get an answer but he was laughing instead.He thinks I was joking.I do not know what to do now.I still have feelings for him and Im dying to know why is he ignoring me ? Did he found out I have feelings for him and thought of avoiding me because we don't have a chance ? Or is it something else..should I move on ? should I wait ? I can't seem to forget him.I wanna be with him more than anything.Is it because of the exams next month ? He is the top student in my class..I am also worried on how to focus on anything else when he is in my mind all day.I still wait for him to talk to me.He doesn't look at me in school and walks a different direction if he sees me.I am so hurt.Really depressed and sad thinking about the fun we had together.People thought we were actually dating when they see us..but now ? I have no idea what is going on. And today, he actually borrowed my notebook, and also looked at me and maybe was not ignoring me. I just don't understand this guy ! Is he shy ? Is he scared ? He used to like me status and comments on facebook but after we hung out..I thought we were gonna get close instead we just drifted apart. Why is he doing this ? Does he like me?

Answer
Hi there Premjit,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

Firstly, the only person that knows why this guy is acting this way is him and if he has changed the way he is with you or reacts to you, then he will have his reasons; all we can do is to take a guess at what it could be.

It could be that if he is the top student in your class and that you have exams coming up that he is feeling under pressure to perform well and this has meant that he has had to shift his focus from spending time with you and concentrating on his studies. If he is feeling the pressure of these exams, it could be that he is under pressure from his family to do well and they may have told him that he needs to remember how important these exams are. If this is the case, it would make sense why he is saying that he is 'sleepy' and sending short text messages. If this is the case and it is down to the pressure of the up-coming exams, he may change back to how he was after he has completed them because all of the anxiety and stress will have gone.

Maybe one of the reasons that he is putting space between you is because either he has realized that he has feelings for you and is scared of getting hurt, or he has noticed that you have feelings for him and he is worried about this may affect your friendship. Sometimes, when guys begin to develop feelings for someone or they know that someone has feelings for them, they think it makes things awkward and that the friendship has to change so they attempt to avoid any contact with that person rather than explain how they are feeling. It might be that if he has noticed that you have feelings for him, that he is not ready for a relationship and doesn't know how to say that to you without hurting you.

Whatever his reasons for putting this distance between you, you need to be careful of pushing him away by pushing him for answers that he may not have or know. If he is worried about his exams or about the future of your friendship, if you keep texting him he may end up getting more concerned and putting more space between you. The best thing that you can do is to give him space and time to get himself sorted and you do the same. You need to focus on your studies and put him to one side for the time being as your studies #and his# are important for your future and although you might not think that this is easy to do because you will always be thinking about him, simply by keeping offline might help.

Your best course of action is to give him the time that he needs to focus on his studies and see what happens afterwards. Drop him a text or a Facebook message once a week just to 'check in' with him and ask him how he is and this will keep you in touch with him without him getting too distracted or feeling pushed in to reply. If, after the exams, he does not change the way he is with you, then you might need to get in touch with him and explain that you value his friendship and you do not want to lose him as a friend and just ask him what he wants from you or if he wants to remain friends at all and see where you stand.

I hope that helps.  

Teenage Problems

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Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)

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My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.

Experience

I have volunteered for AllExperts.com for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with Advice4teens.co.uk, Teenadviceonline.org and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

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The Albert Kennedy Trust

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Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

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BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

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Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

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