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Teenage Problems/Friend problems

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Is it fair in a friendship for one person to be pulling all the weight in the friendship? I feel like recently that in my friendship with my friend she seems to be sort of acting like she doesn't want to be my friend, and it is really confusing. It happens kind of a lot but this always seem to become more apparent happens  more when ever her ex or any other guy comes into the picture, she begins to start ignoring me and like always whenever something goes wrong she always turns to me in tears and I'm always there to console her... I feel like I'm being used sort of by her...in our "friendship" It is always  that me that starts conversations that goes up and talks to her or texts her...she has never once come up and talk to me or texted me first even when I do there are many times where she doesn't respond and the one time I don't respond she yells at me yet I never say a word when she doesn't respond to me...she says i mean the world to her but am I not important enough to her that she won't even care to ever text me/talk to me even when we do talk it feels like she doesn't want to engage in conversation and talk to me there are times when I ask her how her day was and all she would say is something like fine or another one word answer and thats it most of the time she never asks me how my day was back...I always compliment her and cheer her up and make her feel good and yet she has never complimented or said something nice back to me once...she even says that I'm like her best friend and I seriously doubt that because that isn't the way you treat your friends especially your "best" friend... It got really bad over the past couple of days so two days ago after first period (we've been walking to 2nd together for a while and if I am ahead  of her i always wait for her and whenever shes ahead she never waits for me) so she didn't wait for me again and when i asked her why she didn't wait for me she said that she walks fast which make me feels like she doesn't even care enough about me to wait about 30 seconds and then less than an hour later came to me crying about Evan and her parents finding out and so today I asked her if she was feeling better and she told me that she said that she told me that never wants to talk about it and I'm annoying (which really hurt me because i was trying to seeing how she was doing with all good intentions and then she responded with an insult which ruined the rest of my day) and now I'm really confuse...she's been a really bad friend lately and it's really hurting me...the kicker is that two days ago I also asked her about being a bad friend and didn't use her name about it and she couldn't get that I was talking about her and she said that I should not be friends with that person anymore and she then went on to do the same things I was complaining about a couple hours later...I don't really know how to handle this situation... At times she can be a great friend and person to be around but there are many times where this friendship causes me more harm (stress) than good and I don't know where to go from here...what do I do?

Answer
Hi Alex, thanks for your question. It sounds like you are feeling very hurt by her and it also sounds like you are seeing things clearly. She isn't acting like a good friend and actions speak louder than words. I know that is a cliche but it's also very true. It sounds like she is quite self centred at the moment and insensitive to your needs. I think you are confused about why she is doing that but you seem very clear about the fact that she isn't a good friend.  I suppose there are a couple of options: you can leave things the way they are and continue feel hurt and stressed by the relationship, you can talk to her (or even show her the letter you wrote to me) and let her know that you are at your limit and if things don't change, you will move on.  Communication is key in every relationship. It sounds like she is a person who may respond negatively if she is "called on her behaviour" so you need to be prepared for that should you decide to talk to her. I suppose first of all you need to decide how important the relationship is to you and then figure out which option to take. Basically it's do something or do nothing. My example is really only an example. You could talk to her, write her a letter (online may not be the best idea) or anything else you can come up with. What is important is that you stand up for yourself if/when you are feeling used (in life) because you can only be used if you let someone use you.  I hope that is helpful. All the best.

Please take the time to leave me a rating as well. Thx

Shana

Teenage Problems

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Shanac

Expertise

Issues relating to: relationships, alcohol and drugs, sexuality, problems with parents and peers, struggles with divorcing parents, anxiety, mood changes and anger problems and pretty much everything else you can think of.

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Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology and 22+ years counselling experience with individuals, couples, and families. I also taught a communication course at a community college in my hometown.

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MA Counselling Psychology BA Psychology

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