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Teenage Problems/Am I Holding Him Back?

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Question
I've been dating this guy for eight months now. Before, we were good friends, starting from the fifth grade. He has always supported me, and when he confessed being in love with me, there was no question to how I felt. He is amazing and supportive. I had a rough start this year and he draged me out of my depression. Today though I looked back on emails we sent eachother from when we first confessed to eachother. A few weeks into being together, he told me he had to decide whether he was going to stay here or go to live with his dad in a city about an hour away. His mom and step dad aren't really too great of people, not completely dispicable, but he would definately be better off at his dad and step mom's house. But at the same time, I completely dreaded him leaving, esspecially since we finally let all our feelings out to eachother. I sent him an email telling him how I felt about this because it was burning a hole in my chest. And he decided to stay. Yay, good for me, but...I felt and now again feel guilty keeping him here away from his dad. I feel so horrible being selfish like that...I love him a lot and want him to be happy. He's gappy here and tells me he wouldn' t change it, but I still feel so guilty.

Answer
Hi there Nikki,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

You have nothing at all to feel guilty about with regards to this guy staying where he is; it is his decision and one that he will have made having weighed up the pros and cons of going and staying. The fact that he may have stayed to be closer to you will have been one of the things that he would have considered but not the only thing and he will have thought about his situation and whether or not he could deal with living with his mom and step-dad in the shorter and longer term. If he has made the decision to stay then ultimately, this is a choice that he has made...you never forced him to stay or give him an ultimatum, you just explained how you feel. If he says he is happy where he is, then he will be and you need not read any more in to this. Even if you were the sole reason and purpose for him staying, it says a lot about how much he feels for you and that he believes that you are worth hanging around for; which is positive.

I hope that helps.  

Teenage Problems

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Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)

Expertise

My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.

Experience

I have volunteered for AllExperts.com for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with Advice4teens.co.uk, Teenadviceonline.org and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

Organizations
The Albert Kennedy Trust

Publications
Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

Education/Credentials
BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

Awards and Honors
Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

Past/Present Clients
Allexperts.com Advice4teensuk.org Teenadviceonline.org lycos.co.uk askjeeves.com Connexions Direct

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