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Teenage Problems/Romantic getaway?

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QUESTION: "My name is Linda,I am 40 years old and my husband and I have been married for 20 years. We are going to stay in our in house that we time share in Florida. We asked our son (16)2 months ago if he wanted to come with us he said no. So my husband and I planned to go oursleves, I got really excited for the romantic getaway. A few days ago my son complained that he didn't get to go and really wanted to, so my husband said that he could come. I wanted a romantic SEXcation with my husband, now its a house so we will have a private bedroom so we will get alone time. But I toned up and get two really sexy skimpy bikinis that I am going to wear on the vacation, now I am worried that my son who originally said he wasn't coming is going to feel when mom and dad are in the bedroom because we need some time alone and how is he going to feel about the bikinis, I originally wanted to get really frisky on the beach with my husband and with these bikinis he is going to have his hands all over me.What should I do? I have included links to them below please look at the bikins and let me know how you feel and what I should do.

http://www.ujena.com/xbikini-details.php?vv=185&mm=A315

http://www.ujena.com/xbikini-details.php?vv=190&mm=Z219""

ANSWER: Hi Linda.
Thank you for writing to me.  Congratulations for being married and your husband still finds you exciting enough, after 20 years, to want to have his hands all over you. Your son is not slow and he knows that you and his father need time alone. What do you think your son is thinking when you and your husband are alone in your room at home?  Your son will probably be on the beach looking for people he can be with. I doubt if he is going to be watching the two of you. If it was my parents, and my mother could still entice my father at 40 years old with a bikini, I would be proud. There are not too many people that are married for 20 years. Furthermore, there are not too many 16 year old males where the fathers are still in the home. Go on your vacation, take your son, and enjoy yourselves.  This is an opportunity that you may never get again to show your son what true love is all about. He is watching. One day when he gets married he will be able to pull up this vacation as to how a loving marriage should be. It is all right to show affection around your child. You and your husband are old enough to know the boundaries between affection and lude behavior. It is okay for your husband to affectionally touch you. You would not behave in an inappropriate manner in public whether your son was with you or not.  

Enjoy yourself. Remember,  one day your son is going to leave you and start his own life, even if it is just going away to college, but your husband will still be there. Don't let what your son think or may think deter your happiness.

Remember, what you did to get your husband, you have to do the same to keep him. Have a wonderful vacation.

Please feel free to write to me again.

Respectfully,
Dr. Lee

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for the great advice! I think you are absolutely right we will be at the beach looking to do stuff not watching his parents "fool around" on the beach. Additionlay if he does she us fooling around or if he sees his dad  with his hands all over me thats ok! Its setting a good example for his future marriage. Your right this is a good chance to see a good love life and true love is about! You made me feel a lot a better. I guess my only question would be my husband is going to be extra frisky on the beach, have you seen the bikinis lol, hes going to have his hands all over me and we are going to be very affectionate on the beach where would you draw the line, like where should we cut it off. Also If you havent looked at the bikinis please do they are a little skimpier than I normally wear, how do you think my son will react to thee bikinis, do you think he will be ok with them or a little uptight about them? How do you feel about them?

Answer
Hi Linda,
Thank you for writing to me again.  You are not going to be "that" frisky on the beach.  You will remember that the beach is a public place where there will be other children and you will conduct yourself accordingly.  You will not have to guess if you cross the line because other people on the beach will let you know.  I hope it does not get to that point.  Some behavior should remain in the bedroom or behind closed doors.  You are concerned what your son will say, he is 16 years old. You need to be concerned what others with young children will say.  Put yourself in another mother's place and you will be able to control yourself and your husband's behavior because when your child was younger and even at this age, you are not going to let another couple on the beach be disrespectful in front of your child.  Your husband will know how far to go because he is a father.  

Your son is not going to be uptight because he probably won't see you on the beach.  He will be busy doing his own thing.  There are very skimpy bikinis on the beach.  If this was a boyfriend, your son might be uptight.  This is your husband and his father.  He will be fine.  You are the only one that is worried.  

Go and enjoy yourself.  You are the only one uptight.  Stop worrying.

Feel free to write to me again.

Respectfully,
Dr. Lee

Teenage Problems

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Dr. Shirley M Lee

Expertise

I can answer questions relating to youth that are on probation, arrested, has anger management issues, lack of impulse control, problems in school and substance abuse issues. Additionally, I can answer questions about youth with sex issues, domestic violence, child abuse, child sex abuse, as the abuser and the one that has been abused, parent abuse, physical, mental and psychological abuse. I answer questions about marriage and divorce. I can't answer questions about medication that has been ordered by a psychiatrist and it's side affects or should you stop taking it. I can answer the question as to what reason the medication was ordered.

Experience

I have been providing care, guidance, and social services for children, adolescents, and their families for 32plus years. I work with young people who struggle with behavioral problems and issues at home and school. I assist our youth in developing healthy living habits and motivate them to become productive citizens. In addition, I work with the parents and families to motivate and encourage strengthening the family. I have worked with families that have been homeless, in poverty, peer pressure, and bullying. I currently counsel with youth that are on probation for battery, domestic violence, petit and petite theft, substance substance abuse and sex offenders. I also speak with their teachers and go into the homes and schools. I am a mentor to all these children and their parents. When help is needed beyond my expertise I will suggest where to take the child to receive the proper services.

Organizations
AACC (AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS) AND THE BAACC (BLACK AFRICAN-AMERICAN CHRISTIAN COUNSELORS).

Publications
Published 6 books and were sold at the Christian Book Store for one year.

Education/Credentials
Ph.d in Sacred Religious Counseling; Ph.d in Counseling Psychology; MA in Public Administration; BA in Paralegal; Clinically Certified Domestic Violence Counselor; CFARS (CHILDREN'S FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE); and for adults the FARS (FUNCTIONAL ASSESSMENT RATING SCALE. I am also a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor.

Awards and Honors
Biblical Studies with highest Honors. Magna Cum laude.

Past/Present Clients
In the past I worked for two different agencies as a Case Manager, a Therapist and a Counselor for the youth. I worked under the leadership of the two agencies as an independent contractor. 3 years ago I began working my own business, which has been in existence since 2002 in counseling. Presently I am working with youth that are on probation and is court ordered to take an anger management and/or impulse control class with me. I am also registered with the county to perform marriage counseling and weddings.

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