Teenage Problems/need help

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I'm a 19 year old girl. I am a freshman at an engineering college. I've been in a relationship with a guy since 8 months. I love him a lot, and he is a wonderful person who cares for me and loves me. But the problem is, I'm in love with my best friend too. He's been with me for 2 years and we understand each other perfectly and have fun with each other. He loves me too, since last year but it is now that I realised I feel the same for him. But we don't want a relationship. All we want is to stay close and just be best friends. He knows about my boyfriend, and my boyfriend knows about him. They both think they are coming in the way of each other and tell me that they will be okay if I decide to leave them so that I'll be happy. But I don't want to choose! I love them both. And I want a relationship with my boyfriend only. I'm not confused about that. The thing is , they both are so different and love me in completely different ways that make me feel complete and happy. Is this unnatural? I can't live without both of them. I love them equally , and my best friend and me have no physical relationship at all. It's just pure love. My boyfriend thinks he can't keep me happy and wants me to go with my best friend. How can I make him understand that I want a relationship just with him? It feels like such a different thing. My best friend lives in my home town while I'm away at an hostel. I want to love both of them , but it seems like nobody can accept it. I give equal time to both of them, I'm physically loyal to just my boyfriend , and I feel very happy with both. It's getting so confusing! What should I do? I can't leave either , and they both won't accept this. And yes, I don't hide anything from both of them. They know the complete situation , but we can't find a solution. Please help!

Answer
You say you are in love with your best friend as well as loving your boyfriend. It sounds like a physical relationship with your boyfriend and a "platonic love" relationship with your best friend. Relationships change over time and your relationship to both will no doubt change.  Right now your chief goal should be to complete your education so that you can find meaningful employment so you can be responsible for your earthly needs. If relationships did not change over time then there might never be married couples getting divorced all the time. At this point your best friend may have entered (in your mind at least) , the "friends zone".  This means you may only see him as a confidant or as a friend and not as a possible future marriage partner. He on the other hand may see you also as a friend only or he may see you as a possible future marriage partner. It is very difficult for people to stay together in this age. The advent of technology and changing technology has put great pressures upon people that were unthought of 30 to 50 years earlier.  You and the two young men you speak of may never have known a time when there were no cell phones, or laptop computers or personal computers available to anyone. There was a time when there was no such thing as the Internet. When not every home had a telephone and if some did they had to share the telephone line with other subscribers in what was called a "party" line. That did not mean having a good time it meant that you would have to yield the phone line to your neighbors if they picked up the phone and there were people talking. Life is very short and before we know it our time here will be over. If you have religious faith you can seek your answer about what to do. If you ask people what they would do differently if they could live their life over, most would say they would have studied more, worked harder to get superior grades and pursued a vocation that they desired greatly. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a job that you hate to go to each day. I do not know what religious persuasion you have. But in Christianity people who self identify as Christians (even if they do not act like Christians) will ask God to bring someone into their life. They may ask God to show them what they should do. But they realize they make their own choices. God never forces anyone to do anything. He have given everyone their own free will. When people are young and they want to marry, they think they are marrying a person.  They are really marrying a "family".  Because ,you find you are expected to show up at the other persons family events, holidays, help out, do favors, etc. If there are any hard feelings they will likely last for years.  If you want to provide anymore information feel free to do so.

Teenage Problems

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Jonathan

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I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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