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Teenage Problems/Abstinence in a relationship

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Question
Hello. I'm 16 years old, and I am in a wonderful relationship with someone who makes me feel so very special, he's 18. We are so happy together. Anyway, the two of us try our best to be very open and honest with eachother and we believe that communication is key. We've talked so much about refraining from havin sex until we hopefully get married someday. I have made it a point to tell him that I have made a promise to myself and God that I would wait until marriage, and that is very important to me. And the great part is, my boyfriend respects that. The only problem is that we find ourselves in situations where it becomes so incredibly tempting to just give in and let our hormones take over. I realize that it only takes one time, so our goal is to hold off until marriage. That way it's something special. I would consider myself and my boyfriend fairly level-headed, but it gets very difficult at times to refrain from having sex. So I guess my question for you is How can we get past those tempting times and stay safe when it is so difficult? Do you have any advice that you believe would benefit us? Thank you so much for your help.

Answer
Hi Karli,

This is a wonderful question, and yes, sometimes when you are with that special someone, it can sometimes get difficult to refrain. Is your boyfriend still in high school, or has he already graduated? I ask this because in some states, any type of sexual act between the two of you can be considered statutory rape. So please be careful here.

My advice for you would be to NOT allow yourselves to be in situations where you will be alone together. Go on group dates instead of 1 on 1 dates for awhile. If you two are physically flirty with each other (groping/groping while kissing, etc), then I would consider ending that part of the physical contact. You can still hug and kiss, but don't allow yourselves to get caught up in the sexual touching, because it can lead to sex really quick, especially if you're already finding it hard to refrain. Group dates can allow you two to still be together and be affectionate with each other, but not in a way that would give room for giving in to a sexual temptation.  

I hope this helps you out some. Feel free to send a follow up question if you'd like. :)

Good Luck!

Brittney  

Teenage Problems

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Brittney

Expertise

I can answer any questions that have to deal with managing friendships between girls and boys. Question topics can include: dating, how to handle disputes, jealousy, how to know when one is being taken advantage of, healing friendships, and other topics similar to these. Other topics include how to handle disagreements with parents, or dealing with parent child relations in general. If you are a parent and want to ask a question, I can answer questions regarding how to relate to your kid in this generation, the best way to surprise them with that gift they've been wanting, etc.

Experience

Life has been my teacher. I have always been the go to person when friends had disputes and have successfully fixed many friendships between my friends and their friends. I grew up in a family with a doting dad and an emotionally distant mom, and I have dealt with emotional and verbal abuse from my mom for a few years. We have since repaired our relationship, and I have used my experiences with her to help friends deal with their issues with their parents.

Education/Credentials
I studied psychology in college. I was also a child development major for toddler through age 18. I enjoyed studying the periods of adolescence & teen years (10-18) because these are the years children start really figuring out who they are, as well as it being a time where maintaining friendships is important.

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