You are here:

Teenage Problems/He told his friends that he doesn't like me? should i really believe them?

Advertisement


Question
I know this is not suppose to be in this category but in the one with dealing with crushes. I asked one of the experts but they told me that it's outside their expertise. I feel bad because I can't seem to get an answer, not a good one that I think will help me. I'm gonna tell the story and hope that you can at least have an answer for me even though it doesn't "really" fall in the category.
Alright so this dude in my class is shy, he doesn't show it with people but when it comes to relationships he's really shy.he's always messing with me and teasing me like 24/7. I like him and it's pretty obvious that he likes me too. He usually shows it by teasing me and stuff and being around me all the time. Since summer is close, i told his friend that i'm interested in him. He told me that he will try to figure out things and he told me that he doesn't think that he would say that he doesn't like me. Later this day, he asked him and my crush thought it was a joke. He was like "stop stop it you're playing with me" and after that they broke the ice by asking him if he likes me or not. He said that he doesn't like me and they told me that. I felt really bad for some reason. His friends told me that they don't really believe him 100%. He does keep staring, but now he doesn't talk to me anymore, not even a word i think he feels really awkward. I felt so bad because of that but oh well.. Why is he acting like that? Does he hate me now and wants to avoid me? Help pleasse :(

Answer
Hi Liz,

If you could tell me your age, it will help me gauge the situation a little bit more, but until I know that information, I will give you the best advice I can.

Chances are that, if he's already shy about relationships, maybe he's just a little embarrassed. His friends don't seem to fully believe him when he says he's not interested, which tells me that there might actually be some interest from him, but he might not have been expecting to be confronted about it. The fact that he's staring at you, but not talking to you, I would agree, tells me that he might just feel a little bit awkward about the whole situation. Don't feel bad about it though and no, I don't believe he hates you. You did nothing to cause him to feel that way, other than ask his friends to find out if he was interested in you because, in your opinion, he's giving off signals that he might be interested in you. Even that is not wrong, as it is a good way to find out if someone likes you, provided the person you ask to find out isn't going to say something to have you both mad at each other.

Give him some time to relax a little bit, and then try to talk to him. Maybe pull him aside and try to first have a general conversation with him, and then when you sense that he's feeling comfortable, ask him about the situation, explain to him that you had no intentions of making him feel awkward, and how you felt when it seemed like he suddenly started ignoring you. Then ask him how HE felt about the situation. Give him a chance to respond. If he still seems reserved about it, kindly remind him that you are still his friend and that you are more than willing to talk about it, and that you are not there to judge him, and that you would not be offended if he was, in fact, not interested. If still nothing, politely end that topic by saying something similar to this (or use these words exactly): "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it right now. I am open to talk about it whenever you're ready to", and then switch topics. Doing this will create a no pressure atmosphere for him, and you're giving him the chance to voice his opinions. If he doesn't want to respond and you end the topic, he is able to see that you aren't going to press the matter, and he may be willing to come back and talk to you about it in his own time.

It's important that, even though you really want to know, you do not continuously try to ask him. If he shies away from the first attempt at the conversation, back off. Don't back him into a corner. If after a couple weeks you hear nothing, ask one of his friends that he trusts to talk to him about it. He may open up to him a little easier about everything.

Hope this helps you out.

Good Luck!

Brittney

Teenage Problems

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Brittney

Expertise

I can answer any questions that have to deal with managing friendships between girls and boys. Question topics can include: dating, how to handle disputes, jealousy, how to know when one is being taken advantage of, healing friendships, and other topics similar to these. Other topics include how to handle disagreements with parents, or dealing with parent child relations in general. If you are a parent and want to ask a question, I can answer questions regarding how to relate to your kid in this generation, the best way to surprise them with that gift they've been wanting, etc.

Experience

Life has been my teacher. I have always been the go to person when friends had disputes and have successfully fixed many friendships between my friends and their friends. I grew up in a family with a doting dad and an emotionally distant mom, and I have dealt with emotional and verbal abuse from my mom for a few years. We have since repaired our relationship, and I have used my experiences with her to help friends deal with their issues with their parents.

Education/Credentials
I studied psychology in college. I was also a child development major for toddler through age 18. I enjoyed studying the periods of adolescence & teen years (10-18) because these are the years children start really figuring out who they are, as well as it being a time where maintaining friendships is important.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.