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im so confused I really like this girl but so hard to know how she feels. Cause she has a lot of male friends. I asked a friend a year in a half ago the signals the girl was sending me was she into me. They thought so but I bottled it and lost my nerve so we stayed friends. The signals she was sending me was playfully punching my arm and one time when we had coffee she left her hand on my arm sand when I looked down she moved her hand away. She seemed happy when I went out with the other girl I just donít know. The thing is I went out with someone else and have never get over her. I found out she is moving away for a year should I tell her how I feel? I know im probably just a good friend but I cant stop thinking about her. I want to show her how special I think she is . I want to spoil her . Also she used chat to me on Facebook all the time and arrange to meet for coffee but she never contacts me now. Even if I meet her on the street tHings seem awkward we just say hi and quick chat but she never playfully punches me anymore since I started seeing the other girl. im just asking for ur opinion in the whole thing as im so confused thanks.

Answer
Hi there Luke,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

Friendships are always difficult when you have a guy and girl because you do tend to become a lot closer than you probably would if you have predominantly male friends. You tend to share more about life and your emotions with female friends than you do with male and vice versa, by sharing your emotions, she is likely to be more open and honest with you that builds up a really close bond. This leads to a situation where you begin to think, 'well, we are good friends, share everything and spend time with each other...but is there something more to it than that?'. It sounds like you really hope that there is and that from your good friendship something could develop into a relationship. From what you have explained, you know how you feel but you do not know whether or not she has been giving you the right signals or just being friendly. So, what should you do?

There are two things you can do: a) nothing and b) tell her how you feel.

If you decide to keep things as they are and keep your true feelings built up, especially with her moving away, you may face feelings of loss and regret because you could potentially miss an opportunity; but at least, you still have a friendship (even if it ends up being distant).

If you decide to tell her how you feel then you run the risk of things becoming awkward and one of three things will happen: a) she will be flattered, explain that she is moving away but that she still wants to be friends. b) she will not react positively and think that it will complicate your friendship and put some distance between you. c) Best option, she explains that she feels the same way about you and that although she is moving away, you can attempt a relationship. How she reacts will depend upon how she has perceived your friendship so far. If there has been enough of a hint that you both like each other, then chances are, this is something that she wants to develop into a relationship. If she is not aware and just a tactile person who touches everyone, your feelings could take her by surprise.

So what does all of this mean? Well it means that above and beyond all of the questions you may have, there is just one that is the most important:

What have you got to lose if you tell her because she is moving away?

Worst case scenario, she takes it badly and finds things awkward, she is going to be away for a while anyway in which time you could mend any damage done but at least you would know where you stood. If you choose not to tell her, then she is still going to move away anyway but you may have missed your opportunity as she may potentially meet other people.

The choice is yours but be realistic about the best and worst possible scenarios and you should not end up with any regrets.

I hope that helps.  

Teenage Problems

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Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)

Expertise

My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.

Experience

I have volunteered for AllExperts.com for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with Advice4teens.co.uk, Teenadviceonline.org and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

Organizations
The Albert Kennedy Trust

Publications
Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

Education/Credentials
BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

Awards and Honors
Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

Past/Present Clients
Allexperts.com Advice4teensuk.org Teenadviceonline.org lycos.co.uk askjeeves.com Connexions Direct

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