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Teenage Problems/16 and afraid of my dad and brother


I am visiting relatives and do not want to go back to the state that I live.  My Dad and my brother both have anger problems and have hit me in the past.  My mom enables my alcoholic father and does not think that I should leave home because I am her protection, even though I am a 16 year old girl. None of the abuse has been documented or reported. I have family member willing to let me live with them where i am right now. They are step family.  Is there any way that I do not have to go home.  I will be 17 by the end of the year. Desperately seeking answers ans help.

I understand completely. I, too had an alcoholic father who was mean and an older brother who beat me constantly. All these years later, I wish I had run away to BOYSTOWN, Nebraska ( which is now called Girls and Boys Town and is still in Nebraska. But as a child I did not know about Boystown. I also realize that I would have been victimized by predators if I went to a city. So I had to put with it. Eventually I became bigger than my brother and could defend myself , but the damage was done. You have several options.  You could report what your father and brother have done to you to Social Services or Child Protective services, but once you do, you can never get them out of your life. Its as if you committed a crime and have to report to a probation officer all the time. In your case , since you are close to being 17 I would prefer to live with the family member you mentioned. Is the step family a place where you feel safe? If you contact Social Services or Child Protective Services they are likely to put you into a foster home (where the primary motivation is money) where it may be just as bad if not worse. You can call your family and tell them you want to stay with the people you are with and that they are willing to have you live with them. When your family objects, you can tell them, they can agree to let you live with this other family or you are going to report your father and brother to Social Services or Child Protective services. If they insist you return home, their behavior may become modified somewhat. Your father is not going to stop drinking however. If you have been sexually abused at home (and plenty of natural children have been , though not as many step children), then they should readily agree to your desire to stay with the step family. A so-called "Gentlemens Agreement" can be worked out between your father and mother and step father and mother to allow you to stay with them. The family you are with now will know what a "Gentlemens Agreement " is. There is no need to get any authorities involved or go to any court. Once you get the government involved in your life, you can never get them out of your life. Your "new" family should receive some money monthly from your current family, but perhaps that is not an issue. If they (your abusers) do not object to your living with the step family , then most of your problems will be over. People with Anger issues do not suddenly stop being angry. Your mother (and I do not understand if this is your natural mother or not) is making you fulfill a role as "peacemaker" . You have enough of a job just being a kid and a student without having a peacekeeping mission at home. If your mother is also being hit, she can call the police and they will of course arrest whoever is hitting her. Today, when the police show up at a domestic dispute they do not leave without arresting someone. They do this to cover themselves in case there is further violence. There have been too many lawsuits against cities, towns and villages about the police not doing enough so they arrest someone and sometimes both parties.  You, of course have to look out for your own interest. You need to live in a safe environment, you need to be able to go to school and be able to study and make friends and be free from people beating on you. It is also a help to join a few youth fellowships at local churches (which need not be the church you were raised in if any). How can you bring about all the changes you need? By prayer first and by action second. If you have had no religious training then you need to start now. Feel free to ask a followup question.  Now that I have had a day to think about this, I think it would be easier and best for your step family to do all the calling and talking. This takes the pressure off of you.

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I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.


I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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