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Teenage Problems/dealing with backbitching


I'm a nineteen year old girl studying in an engineering college in India.
And I'm really frustrated with this place. I live in a hostel in my college.I'm an introvert , and so mostly keep to myself, except for a
bunch of my friends. I found out that people are talking really vulgar stuff about me in the college. There is a guy from my hometown, who
was friends with my ex-boyfriend, and he tells fake stuff to everyone about me. The guys backbitch about me, calling me characterless and all.
My best friend from my hometown had visited my college once. We roamed around, and he hugged me and left in the evening. These guys clicked
photos of us hugging and went to my boyfriend to prove to him how bad i am. My boyfriend had a fight with them all, and made sure the photos
were deleted. There are some girls who hate me too. One of them wants to live with my room mates, and tells the warden bad stuff about me so I'll be
thrown out. The warden hates me too, now. She keeps trying to get complaints of me from my room mates. But my room mates have no problem with me, so
they never say anything. The biggest problem is that everyone back-bitches so much that I can never be sure of who did what or prove anything but
I keep suffering the consequences. I don't know what to do. I've never had a fight with any of these people, I never gossip or ever interfere
with anyone's life. Why would they do that to me? It's very disturbing. Could you please help me in some way?

Hi Avada,

It sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of people who are very interested in causing drama. Good job for not gossiping about others. It doesn't help situations much and you definitely don't need to lower your standards for them. It sounds like you have a decent boyfriend who knows you well and trusts you, especially if he's willing to go to such lengths to protect your character. He's definitely one I would keep around. :) Sounds like you have some wonderful room mates as well. They know you well and obviously aren't interested in the drama that keeps resurfacing.

How to deal with these situations:
It's important to be tactful about how you respond to these situations.

For the guys & girls: Ignore them! They are trying to cause drama because they are guys. They have nothing else better to do than to bully someone. If you show no reaction to it, eventually they will have to stop picking on you and move on. The same is true of the girls. Don't react, there's nothing for them to say.  

For the guy spreading nasty rumors about you: Essentially you will have to ignore him too. Don't let it get you down. If you know that you're not doing what he says you're doing, there's nothing to worry about. Guys like to start drama with their buddies and get a rise out of them too, so sometimes it may not actually be about you. They just want to get the reactions of their friends, but it leaves you, unfortunately, in the middle.

At the end of the day - Let them talk. Hold yourself to a higher standard. If they've gotten a rise out of you about it before, then they will keep doing it, just to see you get worked up about it. Don't give them the satisfaction of your reaction. Once they see it doesn't bother you, the fun in it is lost for them. Trust me, there's no greater satisfaction than knowing that your bullies no longer find fun in choosing you as a target. Sounds like your room mates are decent ladies. Surround yourself with people that respect you and pretty soon the things other people say won't matter.

Hope this helps,


Teenage Problems

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I can answer any questions that have to deal with managing friendships between girls and boys. Question topics can include: dating, how to handle disputes, jealousy, how to know when one is being taken advantage of, healing friendships, and other topics similar to these. Other topics include how to handle disagreements with parents, or dealing with parent child relations in general. If you are a parent and want to ask a question, I can answer questions regarding how to relate to your kid in this generation, the best way to surprise them with that gift they've been wanting, etc.


Life has been my teacher. I have always been the go to person when friends had disputes and have successfully fixed many friendships between my friends and their friends. I grew up in a family with a doting dad and an emotionally distant mom, and I have dealt with emotional and verbal abuse from my mom for a few years. We have since repaired our relationship, and I have used my experiences with her to help friends deal with their issues with their parents.

I studied psychology in college. I was also a child development major for toddler through age 18. I enjoyed studying the periods of adolescence & teen years (10-18) because these are the years children start really figuring out who they are, as well as it being a time where maintaining friendships is important.

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