You are here:

Teenage Problems/More than relationship advice

Advertisement


Question
Hey there.
Im 17 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for 15 months. We fight regularly about the stupidest things. But he wants me to move in with him to a different city whenever he can get the money, but since we fight so much I don't know if i want to deal with that. I'm currently in a group home because I have issues with my parents. Should i move in with him? Would it make our relationship better or worse?
Also, I want to have a baby. Like now. He wants to wait but I've been wanting children like crazy. I'm sick of older people saying I should wait until we're both ready or until I'm older because I feel that I'm an exception to the rule. I need some real advice.
thanks

Answer
Hi there Emily,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

Moving in with someone is a big step and not one that I would suggest you consider likely; especially if this is going to involve moving to another City and potentially giving up everything that you have and know now. Even if you love this guy unconditionally, to give up a life that you have now for one that could not work out is a big risk; but one whereby only you can make the decision. What I would say to you though is to make a list of reasons for going and reasons for staying and then seeing which is the bigger of the two lists and use this to guide your decision making. You will need to consider things about how you can manage your money, who would pay the bills, who do you know there and whether or not it would be a good place to bring up a child if that is what you want.

Every couple has their ups and downs and their arguments but what you need to ask yourself is, if you are arguing now about small things, would you be able to manage when you are living together worrying about money and spending a lot more time together? If you are thinking that moving in with him is a bad idea, it doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means that you are trying to be sensible and mature enough to make sure that your relationship can survive. If he wants to move away and can get a job and get some money together, then why can he not move first and see how things work out? That way, you are not giving up the security of the home that you have at the minute or risking losing the stability that you have now.

If he loves you, he will understand any decision that you make and will wait if you choose not to go with him. If you do choose to go with him, I would always recommend having a back up plan just in case things do not work out the way that you want or expect them to (you could end up hating the place). Either way, there is no right or wrong decision, only a choice that you can make knowing all that you do about your partner, yourself and what you want from your future. You are only 17 and as difficult as life may have been so far, you have a bright and happy future ahead...as long as you make the decisions that you genuinely believe are for the best for you. People will always have an opinion but only you can make that choice because it is only you, in your relationship.

I hope that helps.  

Teenage Problems

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)

Expertise

My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.

Experience

I have volunteered for AllExperts.com for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with Advice4teens.co.uk, Teenadviceonline.org and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

Organizations
The Albert Kennedy Trust

Publications
Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

Education/Credentials
BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

Awards and Honors
Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

Past/Present Clients
Allexperts.com Advice4teensuk.org Teenadviceonline.org lycos.co.uk askjeeves.com Connexions Direct

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.