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Teenage Problems/My parents won't let go

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Question
Hi, my name is Tori and I'm 16 years old. I have A's and B's at school and I do work in the house but my parents give me minimal freedoms and privileges. Nothing I do is ever good enough for them. I try my absolute best in school and am trying to find a job and be responsible but they don't let me go to many things I want to do, like hang with friends, go out places, or do anything on my own, etc. I usually have to be home by like 8:30 and get yelled at if I am a little late because my ride wasn't ready yet.
One example is the other day I was hanging out with my boyfriend and some of our friends at a friend's house. (I had done all my chores they asked me to do before I left). And I found out there was a bonfire down the street later that night and I asked if I could go and they said no, even though I was walking down the street with a bunch of people and only needed a ride home a little later. And it was a Friday night so it wasn't like they had work in the morning or something. But they don't let me do anything fun or outgoing- while all my other friends can practically do anything they want.
Sorry it's kinda long... had a lot to say.
Thanks :)

Answer
Hi Tori. No your message isn't too long I can assure you, I receive treble the amount sometimes :)

I've been thinking about your problem and came up with a few things I'd like to talk to you about.

Firstly, I totally appreciate your situation and how you feel regards to your friends and you not being allowed to go, or stay out longer when they're having fun; it is not fair, it really isn't.

There's a few ways of looking at this. When you are an adult, you will either thank your parents for being so hard on you and strict, or you are going to grow up resenting them for what they have done. Have they ever given you a reason why you can't stay out a bit longer? If they haven't, ask - you may be able to come to a compromise.

Now whether they are being just plain mean or over-protective is difficult to tell. But from what you have told me, it seems like you cannot live up to their expectations which is a horrible feeling to have. It seems that you are doing all the giving and they are being unreasonable. They're also not letting you be a teenager.

They may want to protect you from drugs, sex, alcohol; but they are going about it in the wrong way. Instead of educating you, they are hurting you deeply. Try talking to them and see if they will listen.

As far as your grades go, keep doing well Tori as it's not a bad thing to get high grades. And to look at it another way, you will be in college soon and then you will have all the freedom you want and need. So keep up the good grades :)

Some of us never approved of how our parents raised us. Most of us have gone through disliking their treatment of us at some point - me included. I'm 38 and mine still irritate me!

I was so sad when I read your message and that sadness comes through in your words. So I feel for you. But how to change their minds is another matter. So, for now, I suggest that you try and talk to them and see if you can get given some slack.

Let me tell you something Tori, You do not have to please anybody, even your parents, because this is your life, no-one else's. Sadly though, because you are classed as a minor, live under their roof, you have little say in what goes. And it isn't fair. Tell them that this is damaging you and upsetting you. I just hope they are reasonable enough to let you have more space.

Try talking to them to resolve it and if you want to talk some more to me, I am happy to do that. And just remind yourself - You will be in College soon and able to move away. I'm sorry that my help is limited; I can't change them, but I can support you.

Caroline :)  

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Caroline West

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Hi.I can answer really all questions regarding to any problems that you are facing at the moment. You can write to me with any concerns you may be having around relationships, friends, boyfiends, girlfriends, sex, losing your virginity - I can answer any worries and doubts you may have. If you are feeling Depressed or Angry and you don't know why, I can help. Plus If you are feeling a bit lost and out of place, talk to me. Is there stuff going on at home that's causing you hurt? Are you having problems with your parents? - I'll help you. Anything as well to do with the Emotions I understand. If you are feeling like you are not coping and/or your school work is suffering, we can talk that through. Are you suffereing from bullying, cyber-bullying? I'll help. Religion, where you may be questioning your Spirituality. Drug and Alcohol problems and questions, if you're worried it's getting out of control or perhaps a friend is going through issues. Whatever's going on around you or inside you, feel free to write in. I'm here to help anyone who's having a tough time and with some tough decisions to make. And if you have wandered off the path a bit, I'll help you get back on track :)

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I had a tough time being a Teenager. I had suffered bullying, feeling alone. I was very rebellious too and I hung around with the wrong type of kids and started smoking and I got into Drugs before I was even 13. I lost my Virginity at the age of 14 which I now know is a precious thing. There was a lot going on with my home life and I felt very alone with Parent's that didn't understand me. I became very depressed and felt I had no one to turn to, I felt lost. I'm older now and have dealt with the things that went on and have a better life. So I do understand and I really am here to help anyone that writes in who wants a listening ear and support :)

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I have schooling up to A Level, College Diplomas. But what I really have to offer here is valuable 'life experience' :)

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I have returned to AllExperts.com after a year long break. Before I left I had been with All Experts for over 3 years and worked in many categories ranging from Teenage Problems, Abusive Relationships to Drug/Substance Abuse and many more. I have just returned initially to help Teenagers out that are having problems.

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