Teenage Problems/Is My Mother Allowed To Do This?
QUESTION: My mother has a small daycare. I love to help her out when I can. I adore the kids and the adore me. On days off of school however she forces my younger sister and I to help her. Sometimes we get paid. Not always though. I love to help her but I'd rather being doing something else... She made me help her last week I had tons of homework. I had to watch the kids, I had to miss guitar lesson and was lucky I finished my homework. Everyday she sits on her but all day, playing Facebook games and talking on the phone. She doesn't play with the kids anymore. Than she gets all stressed when they don't listen and takes it horribly on them. She basically screams at them. Sure I have to deal with it but I'm 16 they're little. Either she does that or it's like walking on egg shells when I get home from school. So what am I asking is - Is she allowed to treat the kids that way? She sometimes puts them downstairs in the cold dark basement in a high chair if they don't stop crying at quiet time. Also can she force my sister and I to help her when she does nothing. I hope I'm asking this in the right spot. Sorry if I'm wasting your time.
ANSWER: Wow.......As I was reading your question, I began deducing that it was a problem until I got to her screaming at them and to the last part. She puts them in a cold, dark basement in a high chair? That is child neglect/abuse. I know she is your mother but you need to inform the police and the parents. NO CHILD SHOULD BE SUBJECTED TO ANY FORM OF ABUSE - REGARDLESS OF WHO IT IS. She may think it is a brief moment in time that will effect these kids because it may only be for a brief moment that they cry but can have years of a negative effect on them. Call the police. Or tell the parents to find a new sitter. If she has a small daycare then is she licensed through the state to care for them? You can call them too and they will come investigate. That may be enough to change her treatment but IF I was the parent of those children, I would want to know. What is she capable of next? Her behavior is wrong. You are not wasting my time; I am glad you asked me...your senses are correct. Sometimes you have to do what is right, even if it means it goes against those you love.
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QUESTION: She only does the basement thing to a particular kid. If I were to tell the police what would happen? I'm scared if she finds out it was me shed yell at me. I really don't like it when she gets angry. But it hurts to see her do that to the kids even if not all the time. Sometimes she spanks them, or hits their mouth is they bite, if she's really mad slaps their hands. I don't think it's right. But In my house she only gets the say. It's better if you let her do what she wants. Nothing if for discussion either. Some parents are okay with the spanking and such, but the others don't know. Do you know what will happen to her if I tell the police? If I do will she know that it was me? It's scary when she's angry.... I made her so angry once she screamed at me, I ran to my room. She burst in screamed at me more and messed up my room and threw my nightstand against the wall. It was really scary and I don't want that to happen again. She came later and apologized but still, all I did was leave my sweater on the chair...... Hope I'm not wasting your time. You probably very bust and I'd hate to wasteing your time. By the way she runs the daycare from our house. She also has twice as many kids as she's legally allowed. I live in Canada, and don't know that many rules. Thank you for your time so far.
ANSWER: I am so sorry you have to be a part of this but the fact that you are aware says a lot about you. You have compassion for others, which is what it seems your mother lacks right now. She needs help. What you are telling me is not sitting right in my stomach. No child should be subjected to harm, abuse or fear. You are 16 and scared. That is not right. Those babies in that house are in danger. If you call the police, chances are, they will remove all children and call their parents or family. Ultimately, if parents do not come for their children because they cannot be reached or if you and your siblings cannot stay with family, you all will go to foster care. So, it becomes a sticky situation. The fact remains - she is dangerous to be around everyone. I am only hearing one side but I hear it loudly. I am concerned. If you see a serious situation going on, you have got to call the police and KNOW that even if she yells at you, she will get the desired help. You are in a tough spot. You love your mom but also concerned about the other children. It is always best to be active in situations like this to prevent further abuse. Here is a child abuse hotline serving both the US and Canada 1-800-4-achild (800-422-4453) Call it and talk to them. Your mother has anger issues. If left unresolved or untreated, they could manifest into further harm. Please keep in touch. One more thing, you could try to talk to your mom. Does she have any friends you can vent to that will step in and not divulge your concerns but act on behalf of the children? Sometimes friends can impact decisions.
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QUESTION: Hi again, thanks for answering my questions so far.
I really want to help her, I haven't called the hotline yet, in grounded from my room so haven't had a good chance to yet. If I were to report what she's doing can she find out it was me, who did it?
I also have another question completely off this topic. This morning my friend was kicked out of her house. Her mom told her she couldn't come back, she's 15. She needed somewhere to stay, she asked if she could come to my house just to spend the night. Than she would go and run off with one her boyfriends, he's 17. She's banned from my house my parents don't like her at all. I hesitantly agreed to let her stay. She's in my house no one knows except me. She's very supportive of me, even took me too the mental health Center at lunch. Because I'm depressed and have anxiety issues. She's a very good friend. So what I was wondering if I'm allowed to hide her in my room?
Thank you so much for your help so far.
I was cleaning the play area today. The place where kids play. Everything was covered in dust. After because it was so bad I had trouble breathing. I'm fine now though. I don't think it should be that dirty....
Thank you so much.
You should be able to access the hotline via e-mail. Since you do have internet access, you could choose to contact them that way. Another thing is you can help your mom when things start getting stressful. You can re-direct her anger away from the kids. You just have to be willing to continue to do that. Deal with the children in a patient manner and maybe she will get the hint. Otherwise, the problem still remains.....she is still caring for children that she should not be. I have only heard one side, but again, it is important enough for you to contact the authorities. I know it is your mother and you may hesitate, but if you talk to them, tell them it is an anonymous reporting.
Issue 2: Your friend. Who kicks their child out at age 15? It is the parent's responsibility to care for your friend until she is 18 or age of majority. I do not know the age of majority in Canada. But hiding your friend in your house against parents rules=not good idea. There could be liability issues there if she were to get injured. Also, the parents may have reported her as a runaway, in which case you are harboring a fugitive. Tell your friend to work things out with her family and go back home. Otherwise, seek help from an agency who deals with runaways in your city. I am sorry you are suffering from depression. Feel free to contact me anytime and I am happy to talk to you. I may be a little slow responding since I am not always near the computer. But will respond immediately.