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Teenage Problems/love or friendship/love?


On December 21st, 2012 I started dating a boy. A boy I hated once upon a time, barely knew him, and yet fell in love with him in a span of 4months. 5 days into the relationship, I got his name tattooed on my wedding ring finger. Stupid I know. I was the first girl he'd ever kissed. He'd dated a girl before me for A YEAR, yet he never kissed her. I couldn't blame him though, coz the school he was in was worse than a military school. I joined that school 2years ago. Got to know him the second year.
We got expelled on our 2nd month! I went back to Malawi and he was in India. We were both grounded. But the love did not reduce. We fought our way through it. First teachers were against it, then the whole school, then my parents. I had noone but still, i was sure that we'd last.
I joined another boarding school in India so i could meet him, but that didn't happen. We could never meet. Before i went to school, he met me, and that was the day i was deflowered (31st july 2013) !
It meant alot too. I still break down when I think about it. We were positive that we could do long distance. However, eventually I figured that most of the things he told me were lies. I couldn't trust him anymore. The trust issues got to the better side of us. We fought so often. We kept breaking up. I was so mean to him. He still always tried no matter what. He told me stuff like he'll never get married if we broke up for good. He even got another tattoo, of the day we started dating. I just couldn't be in the relationship anymore.
After we had sex, I was scared i might be pregnant coz I skipped my period. I told him to parcel pregnancy strips to my school coz i couldnt go out. He bought them but couldnt parcel them. After a few months he got expelled from his new school again. He told me it was coz they found cigarettes in his bag. Others told me otherwise. They said it was coz they found condoms in his bag. We never met, so why would he need condoms? I was infuriated. And i believed them because i didnt trust him. We broke up for good.
Meanwhile I'd been sharing all my problems with my bestfriend, who has been for 3years. He's known my ex for 7 years and they are from the same place. This guy fell for me. And eventually we started having a thing. This was about a month ago. He still hasn't asked me out. But he seems very serious. He says he loves me and has for a really long time. He says he knows it's love for sure. He never gave as much importance to his ex's like he does to me. We talk about our future, which he is optimistic about but im very pessimistic. I always compare it to how it was with my ex. This upsets him alot. He knows every minute thing about me and my ex and so he thinks he'll never be able to take his place. I reassure him everytime that he's way beyond that. I really thought I was falling for him when my ex told me why he got expelled. It was not just because of cigarettes but also because the pregnancy strips were found in his bag. They were going to call my parents up and my school and get me expelled too. It's a big deal to have sex in india. Back in malawi you didnt get expelled for tattoos and relationships. He sacrificed for me. He made his parents promise not to tell my parents and he told the school to just expel him and leave me out of it. I broke down when he told me. Ever since then I feel so guilty. He knows I've moved on but he doesnt know that it's with his childhood buddy. The real question is, have i really moved on? I think i might still have feelings for him. But i can't break my bestfriends heart. I can't afford to lose him. I confide in him. I've known him for so long. I dont know what to do.

Hello  Vibhuti,

This is a very complicated story. You did not say what your ages are which makes it a little more difficult to give an opinion on what you should do.
 Let us say you are going to school and nearly anyone would say that is your primary purpose.  we all need to do all we can to insure we can support ourselves one day.  On again and off again relationships interfere with ones education. It sounds like you have fallen for this guy who is your best friend on what we would call "the rebound". If you have heard it before or if you have not, it is the tendency for a person to attach themselves to the nearest person after they break up a romantic relationship. In one way you are not willing to give up the first romantic relationship which is why you have taken up with this guys childhood buddy. I would guess you really still want the first guy but since you have "trust" issues (AND RIGHTLY SO ), you are not going to be served by re-establishing the first relationship. I do not think either of these two relationships are what you need to do. I suggest you distance yourself from both of these two people and do all you can to concentrate on your school work. Unless you come from an independently wealthy family, you need to establish a career for yourself. The "anything goes" mentality has reached all over the world. The taboo about waiting for marriage before a person has sex seems to have collapsed everywhere. The decline of religious values and the decline of morality has taken a terrible toll on young people all over. There is nothing wrong with being a person with high moral values. It is a protection against disease, guilt feelings, and against being left with a broken heart. The simple advice is to get involved with your studies and do the things you enjoy doing which could be sports, or doing anything that involves working with your hands, which means doing some form of art like painting, pottery, working with wood, sewing, chrochet(sp), knitting, anything that involves detail with your hands.  It will help take your mind off of these two people. Working with your hands is like "therapy".  Never get the idea that there are only a few people who are the kind of person you want to marry.  There are 3.5 billion other males in the world and you have not even met a small fraction of .0001 per cent of them. In the US a lot of people have been getting multiple tattoos but when it comes time to remove them its not so easy as it was to get them in the first place.  Love lasts initially for a while but it may not endure. What matters is commitment. If two people are both committed to each other there is a good chance they will stay together but in the US 50 per cent of marriages split up. And subsequent marriages are even worse. When you are friends with someone it means that they may, in your mind at least, be stuck in the "friends zone". Which means that this is what you will always think of them as. Long distance relationships do not work. People find someone else nearby. Phone calls do not help . You can never trust anyone who is far away regardless of their professed love for you. I hope this gives you a few ideas of what you can do.

Teenage Problems

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I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.


I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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