Teenage Problems/Hey Scarlet
QUESTION: Hey Scarlet, its Jay again. I know you have been talking with my mom, and I dont know what you have been talking about but I am getting frustrated. I have been doing everything I am suppose to. On Fathers day I spent almost the entire day in my room because they wanted a lot pf private time. They sent me to my room 3 different times, for an hour each. The last time I came down after an hour and they were still in there, it shouldnt take over an hour right? I didn't complain once. Than last week, my mom tried on these dresses for me that she is going to wear onthe vacation. Oh gee whiz they are so short, and skanky. This one she was wearing was so short you could see her butt cheeks when she walked. My mom didnt believe me, I go mom you can see your butt when you walk, she goes you can not!. I said yea mom you can, I can prove it, your wearing a black G String under your dress and I can see everytime you take a step. She goes you can not. I think she finally believed me but like its embarrassing that she is gonna wear that dress!!! Than theres today. My mom told me that dad was coming home soon and that I had to go upstairs, because they wanted to go in the bedroom. So a few minutes later my mom said Ok Jay go upstairs now. I said Dad's not even home yet, she said I know I want you upstairs, with your door closed before dad gets home. Now I knew something was weird because I my mom was wearing a robe and had high heels on? I went upstairs, I came down stars a few minutes late, mind you my dad wasn't even home yet. When I came down stairs my mom was standing in the den in this lingerie thing like this corset thong set thing She snapped at me, she said Jay I told you to go upstairs and close your door, I said but dads not home yet. She kept snapping at me She said I told you to go upstairs, I am in my freakin lingerie! I wanted to surprise your dad, dads gonna be home any minute now get upstairs and stay upstairs!! Plus Youre gonna be grounded for this too! Thats not fair! So I am going to be punished for what? Walking down stairs? Plus, i saw it laying in a open package that just came in the mail,and I know I shouldnt have opened it but but my mom ordered a thong bikini. You dont think shes going to wear this on the vacation do you.
ANSWER: Hi Jay,
You can't put a time on how long it takes for your mom and dad to have alone time. It's like you telling them that they have x amount of time to spend together. You can't do that. However long it takes them is just that. When I last wrote your mom, it seemed like you two were making progress. She did tell me about the dress and you being able to see her butt cheeks. I did tell her that she should take that into consideration.
Now your mom did tell you to go upstairs before your dad got home. I understand why she told you this. She wanted to surprise your dad when he got home. The fact that you disobeyed her prompted her to ground you. She told you to do something and you didn't do it. Even though your dad wasn't home yet, she was planning a surprise for him and because you came back downstairs, you actually got a sneak peek of it. So no, you're not being punished for walking downstairs; you're being punished for not doing what she asked you to do.
I don't know if your mom plans on wearing the bikini thong on the vacation. Ask her if you want to know. If she says she is and you're not comfortable with it, then ask her not to. You guys could maybe pick out a swim suit together; one that would be comfortable for the both of you.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I get that you cant put a time on how long it takes them to have sex. But like whats a reasonable amount of time. An hour is plenty of time isnt it? I am not trying to sound like a jerk I just dont get why it would take that long.
I thank you for telling my mom to take my feelings into consideration about the skanky dress, but shes still going to wear it. You know.
About being punished I am still upstairs, I am going to get punished for the start of summer vacation this stinks! Can I ask you, do your think I really deserve to be punished, in your opinion? I did go upstairs, and I came down because I was bored and my dad wasn't home yet. I didnt know my mom was going to be in her lingerie. Shouldnt that stuff be only for the bedroom anyway. I really didnt know she was going to be in her lingerie, or that she was plannig a surprise for my dad, but its not like I ruined the surprise by getting a sneak peak like you call it. The sneak peak really was an accident.
Finally about the thong? How can I ask my mom about the thong bikini, when I am not really suppose to know about it. It was in a bag on top of other stuff. And I looked in it when I wasnt really suppose to you know. But now I know about it and I really dont want her to wear it. What should I do and do you think wearing a thong bikini is really appropriate.
There is no length of time that would be "long enough" in your parents eyes. It's basically whenever they get finished. It could be an hour... it could be five hours. It's all up to them and you can't tell them what's enough. I know that you think your parents are being unreasonable and I do think that they may be going a bit overboard with you being in the house and all, but it's still their home.
I believe that your mother was in her rights to punish you because she told you to do something and even though you did it, you sort of undid it. She told you to go upstairs and you did, but you came back down. She told you to go up there for a reason and I knew why she told you that before you even told me the rest of the story, you just didn't pick up on why she told you to go upstairs even though your dad wasn't home yet.
You didn't ruin the surprise but I bet you didn't want to see your mom in lingerie either. So the next time she asks you to go upstairs before your dad gets home, you'll know why. When you ask your mom about the bikini, you can go in subtle. Ask her if she's bought her bathing suit yet for the vacation. If she says yes then ask her if you can see it or what type of swim suit it is. You can sort of play dumb you know.
If she plans on wearing the thong bikini then express your opinion about it. Let her know that you think it's inappropriate to wear. Honestly, I think it is. I don't want to see anyone's butt all out. I think a thing is meant to wear underneath clothes but people wear them other ways as well. I don't judge, it's just something I wouldn't be caught dead wearing as a bathing suit. I really think she shouldn't wear it if you're going to be on the vacation as well. So talk to her and see what she says.
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QUESTION: Hey, So I know that I cant tell my parents how long to be when they are in the bedroom. But sometimes they say stay up there for a half hour and when I come downstaris they are already done. Then like the other day they said give us an hour, an hour later I came down there door was still closed and my mom said, Jay, not yet were going to be in here a while longer. Its just weird why sometimes they can say a half hour and other times an hour isnt enough time? I feel like I shouldnt have to be up stairs, for that much time if it only takes a half hour. Does that make sense?
I still dont think its fair that I am going to get punished for this. I am going to get grounded! But I guess I get I was suppose to be upstairs with my door closed, but my mom didnt tell me for what amount of time. I really dont know why I came down stairs. I was like wondering why my mom was wearing a bath robe and high heels, and I was also curious on why I had to be upstairs before dad even got home.
The bathing suit thing before you said "You guys could maybe pick out a swim suit together; one that would be comfortable for the both of you." i really like that Idea. How do I bring that up to my mom? It seems weird for me to say that I want to go bathing suit shopping with her? Also can I pick out like a super conservative one piece for her to wear :). About the thong bikini I have an idea on how to bring it up. So I am obviously going to be home all day tomorrow, because I am punished. So her thong bikini is still in the package it was shipped in on top of a pile of other clothes and stuff she ordered in her room. So what I was thinking was just asked her, what did you order, whats in that bag? Because if I just ask her about the thong bikini shes going to know I went threw her stuff and then I will be in trouble. What do you think?
Sometimes being together takes longer than expected so if your mom tells you an half hour and they are up there longer then there's really nothing you can do about that.
Just say to your mom... " I was thinking maybe we could look at some bathing suits together mom. What do you think?" If you pick out a one piece she's probably not going to like it so you two will have to agree on something together.
You could also ask her what's in the bag she bought. She'll probably tell you. I think that's fine.