You are here:

Teenage Problems/How would an 18-year-old girl feel

Advertisement


Question
How would an 18-year-old girl feel toward her father? She is told that the only reason why she is alive today is because there was a surrogacy agreement made and she has a legal father no legal mother? Her father told her that he only wanted children, if he is the custodial parent and did not have to pay a dime in child support to her mother. She has a very good father, but never had a female role model.

Answer
Dear Questioner,

Thank you for taking the time to write to me and I hope that I can help.

Our parents are the people who have created us and who have helped to shape us into the people that we are today. They are an important part of our emotional and social development, not just when younger but also, throughout our lives. Mothers and fathers provide a balance of discipline and love that helps to teach us the difference between right and wrong, good and bad and our morale code by which we lead our lives. Single parents can (and) do bring up children successfully on their own without a partner to support them. That said, there is always a longing to want to know and meet both of our parents and know who are the people that made us.

Your father, for the reasons that he will only know, has made the decisions he has to raise you on his own. From what you have explained, he is a good father but it does not replace the role of your mother. Growing up without a female role model when you are a female can be difficult because for all you father may try, there will be things that you have gone through (and may go through) that he just cannot relate to. This does not make him a bad father or parent and nor does it make you a bad daughter for thinking about this; it just means that part of you wants someone to look up to and relate to.

Although you may not know your mother and she may not be part of your life, it does not mean that you will not be able to fulfil your life and your potential. In situations such as yours, we tend to meet and surround ourselves with people that replace the parent (or parents) that we miss. For example, if you grew up without a father, you may unconsciously seek out older men to be friends with because they offer you the support and protection that a father would normally have done. In your case, there may be people that you know who already are helping you and supporting you as a mother like figure. Noone will ever replace your mother but if you have people in your life that have the same qualities that you would expect from a mother, you will have all of the support that you need to thrive and can relate your experiences to them.
If there is no-one currently in your life, consider widening your social circle and meeting more people. The more people you meet the more settled you will feel and the more support you will experience.

From what you have explained, you love your father but you are missing the mother that you have never known (and may never get to meet). This does not mean that you are at any disadvantage from anyone else for being in a situation that you never put yourself in, it just means that you need to find the support from other sources. If you can do this then you may find that you begin to feel happier with your situation and you will get to relate to people who understand you.

I hope that this helps.  

Teenage Problems

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Daryl Taylor, BSc (Hons) Psychology, PGDip (pending certification)

Expertise

My expertise covers everything and anything to do with growing up, being a teenager or a young adult or being the parent of one of the pre-described. I can cover issues on identity, sexuality, love, relationships, families, drug/alcohol abuse and anything and everything in between.

Experience

I have volunteered for AllExperts.com for over ten years now, but even before that I was trying to use my experience to help others by working with Advice4teens.co.uk, Teenadviceonline.org and even Lycos and Ask Jeeves. My experience comes from being a teenager primarily but this lead me to work with young people from the age of 13. I have worked front line, face to face and over the telephone, e-mail and webchat for a government department called Connexions UK (aimed at young people aged 13-19); as well as being student counselor in New York, a Peer Mentor, a student teacher and working for my school, college and University to help raise the aspirations of young people. My life has not been easy and I have been through my fair share of issues; so there is little that I haven't been through in reality opposed to just reading it from a book or from my academic studies. I have been featured as a case study as achieving through adversity for a number of magazines and I have featured in a couple of books on both sides of the Atlantic; even though I am UK based.

Organizations
The Albert Kennedy Trust

Publications
Relationships: Cathy Senker, 2012, Raintree The Dean and Chapter Positive Nation GTEN Television Aim Higher

Education/Credentials
BSc(Hons) Psychology Post Graduate Diploma in Multidisciplinary Design Innovation Basic Counselling Skills Effective Listening Skills Mental Health First Aid

Awards and Honors
Outstanding Student achievement Adult learner's Award

Past/Present Clients
Allexperts.com Advice4teensuk.org Teenadviceonline.org lycos.co.uk askjeeves.com Connexions Direct

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.