Teenage Problems/Toxic Dad?
QUESTION: I'm only sixteen, which is the age that my dad started living on his own. I can't talk with him. Every time I do something wrong in his Eyes, he tries to make me feel guilty about the fact that he gave up college and Free time to raise me. not that he has. He doesn't act like I exist most of the time. He expects me to value yours opinion. I don't like coming home, but I have To be strong For my Mom And brothers. I dont Know what to do. He Said for me to date, I will have To leave And live Somewhere else. I can't do Anything and my mom can't fight him on It Because she's trying to save This marriage so We have enough money to live On and so Were have a Stable place to stay. that is the Reason she married him in the First place. What am I supposed To do?
ANSWER: Hi Meg,
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It's obvious that your dad has some things that he's going through and perhaps he's taking them out on you which isn't fair. I'm not sure why he's pushing you to date and pushing you out of the house. You shouldn't be pushed to date if you're not ready so don't so don't do that.
I would suggest sitting down with your mom and dad and explain to them how you feel. I know that sometimes that's hard to do, especially with stubborn parents, but if they love you then they should listen. Talk to them and tell them how you feel and how it's effecting you.
If that doesn't work, then I suggest talking to another family member if you can. Maybe a close aunt or uncle whom you can confide in. You can talk to them about your issues and then they can try talking some sense into your mom or dad.
Finally, if that doesn't work then I would suggest talking to your school counselor about your issues. It can only help. It's apparent that your family is having some issues and your dad is pushing you to do something that isn't right. Your family needs help. Your school counselor can definitely help you in your situation in figuring out what your next step is supposed to be.
There's no one answer to your problem. There could be several. It's a process of elimination and trying different things until you get your problem solved. I think the main focus is your dad though. He's got some issues within himself that he needs to work out. Family counseling seems like a good idea too if all else fails.
Feel free to come back and talk to me if you need any more help. I can only offer suggestions here but I truly hope that everything works out for you Meg. Your mom seems like she's trying to hold on because your dad is the bread winner. However, I don't think it's worth compromising everyone's happiness. Take the first step and talk to your parents. If that doesn't work, go down the line until you get the help you need.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you. Actually, he's trying to prevent me .from dating. I've done all the following. My family says atleast I have food and shelter. My mom shrugs, my dad ..says that it's not fault That he had a bad father. My councilor says he Is tthe problem But all I can do is cope And try To be fucking bigger person. I think that because I'm so mature and have good grades and try to babe good, they think I'm being Irrational. Maybe I am. I've had such Bad nerves ffrom him that I threw Up with Nothing in my tummy. Mom just kissed My forehead, said that's just ddad and got Me chick Lil a. I cant look at food and not feel Sick. I feel Horrible. I really really want out. He's not being abusive Directly. And I don't want To be the one to break our fragile family up. I'm stuck.
There's nothing that you can do that will break your family up. I'm sorry. When you said, "He Said for me to date" I assumed you meant that he wanted you to date. Talking about the situation does help. It's good that he's not being abusive. Sometimes when parents don't have good parents or a good childhood it tends to roll off to their children which is unfortunate.
It's always nice to have a good support system and by that I mean having people to talk to about your problems. Keep doing good in school and do what you need to do. Soon you'll be off to college (if college is in your future) and you'll be gone in no time. Keep thinking positive and everything will be alright. Maybe you can try telling your dad that the way his father treated him is effecting you.
Just because his dad treated him a certain way doesn't mean he has to treat you the same way. He should want to do better than his dad but maybe he doesn't know how. Talk to your dad and that may help. Good luck Meg and let me know if you need any further help.