Teenage Problems/Unwanted

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I've been psychologically for nearly 9 years. I felt so worthless to everyone at both school and home. At school, I was called so many awful things like a nobody, weirdo, freak, and even made fun of my ugly ears by calling me Monkey Ears. And at home, my family would say how useless and retarded I was to them. I tried to please everyone so I would fit in and be liked but I always ended up being a huge disappointment and embarrassment to them. I have a boyfriend but every time I screw up, I thought that I was the same disappointment and embarrassment to him as I was to everyone else. And when I tried to reach out to adults for help but they always stood there and did nothing about. I am filled with so much anger, sadness, and pain that I think that I'll never be able escape this nightmare. Please help!

Answer
DEAR IVY,

I will make some comments in capital letters so you will easily see them. I am not shouting. its just easier too see my response.


I've been psychologically for nearly 9 years. DOES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE BEEN RECEIVING CARE FOR NINE YEARS?

I felt so worthless to everyone at both school and home.NO ONE IS EVER WORTHLESS.

At school, I was called so many awful things like a nobody, weirdo, freak, and even made fun of my ugly ears by calling me Monkey Ears.i HAD THE SAME KIND OF EPERIENCE. I HAD A BULLY WHO ALWAYS PICKED A FIGHT WITH ME. BUT I ALSO HAD A BULLY IN MY OWN HOUSE. AN OLDER BROTHER WHO SAID AND DID THE CRUELIST THINGS TO ME EVERY CHANCE HE GOT. I WAS HIT ALL THE TIME. I NEVER REMEMBER A TIME WHEN I DID NOT HAVE BLACK AND BLUE MARKS ON MY BODY FROM ALL OF HIS PUNCHES.

And at home, my family would say how useless and retarded I was to them. THATS THE KIND OF THINGS  HEARD FROM MY OLDER BROTHER.

I tried to please everyone so I would fit in and be liked but I always ended up being a huge disappointment and embarrassment to them. YOU WERE THE EASIEST TARGET TO PICK ON. YOU MAY NOT HAVE FOUGHT BACK AND THATS WHY THEY KEPT UP THE TTACK ON YOU.

 I have a boyfriend but every time I screw up, I thought that I was the same disappointment and embarrassment to him as I was to everyone else.  YOUR MIND SET WAS FORMED BY THOSE WHO BULLIED YOU. IF YOUR OWN FAMILY MEMBERS KEEP TELLING YOU WHAT A LOSER YOU ARRE AFTER A WHILE YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE IT. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM.  THEY NEED TO MAKE THEM SELVES FEEL SUPERIOR OR BETTER AND THE EASIET WAY T DO THAT IS TO KNOCK DOWN SOMEONE ELSE. THATS HOW BULLIES OPERATE.

And when I tried to reach out to adults WHO RE THE ADULTS?

for help but they always stood there and did nothing about.THATS ABOUT HOW MY PARENTS OPERATED. WHY MY PARENTS DID NOT STOP HOW I WAS TREATED I WILL NEVER KNOW.

I am filled with so much anger,I STILL AM FILLED WITH ANGER,AND SADNESS AND PAIN.

sadness, and pain that I think that I'll never be able escape this nightmare. Please help!  YOU CAN ESCAPE THIS NIGHTMARE BUT IT WILL TAKE SOME BOLD ACTION ON YOUR PART.  TALKING TO THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BULLYING YOU WILL NOT WORK. WHEN I THINK BACK OF WHAT I HAD TO ENDURE AND I THINK NOW WHT I SHOULD HAVE DONE TO STOP THE BULLYING.

FIRST YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SELF IMAGE RAISED UP. NEXT YOU NEED TO CULTIVATE AN ASSERTIVE ATTITUDE TO THOSE WHO ARE INSULTING YOU. HOW DO YOU DO THIS?  ANSWER EVERY INSULT WITH WITH A QUESTION.

" DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL SOMEHOW THAT YOU ARE SUPERIOR TO ME BY SAYING HAT TO ME"?
" JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL INADEQUATE IN YOUR MASCULINITY OR FEMININITY, IS IT NECESSARY TO TRY TO KNOCK ME DOWN? "

IF ANYONE STRIKES YOU ANNYPLACE THE BEST RESPONSE IS TO IMMEDIATELY STRIKE THEM BACK IN THE SAME PLACE, ONLY MUCH HARDER.  (THIS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE VIOLENT WITH YOU).  yOU HAVE TE RIGHT TO SELF DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST ANYONE.

YOU ALSO NEED TO GET INVOLVED WITH A CHURCH YOUTH GROUP OR TWO OR THREE. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE O FIND SOME WHERE YOU LIVE AND CALL THE PHONE NUMBER TO FIND OUT WHEN AND WHERE THEY MEET. YOU WILL FIND GREAT BENEFIT TO HAVE CHRISTIAN FRIENDS.

LET ME KNOW IF THINGS ARE STILL GETTING YOU DOWN. THIS IS ONLY A STARTING POINT. KEEP IN TOUCH IVY.  AND GOD BLESS YOU.

Teenage Problems

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Jonathan

Expertise

I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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