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Teenage Problems/Teen Sociability

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Question
My 14 year old son has been acting out (interrupting clases, and trying to be funny) as per a parent/teacher meeting we had. On december he stopped hanging out with a group of friends that he felt unconfortable, as he felt they where inmature and teased him anoyingly. On january he started hanging out with new friends just as this new, very complicated kid entered school. They became best friends, but together, they where very judging of everyone. After the teacher meeting, he told us the new boy was not talking to him anymore, and told him he was anoying and needed to give him and others space. He said he didnt feel like he was anoying anyone, and now we see he tries to make plans with other boys, only to hear that they made plans already. He doesn't look sad, he gets along with everyone very well inside school, but i feel sad that he stays home on fridays while others hang out (the complicated boy is still alone, by the way).
Schoolyear is about to end in a couple of weeks, he is going to highschool, and i worry about him not having a group of friends to hang out. How can I stop worring about it? Because I know my anxity is not helping.
Thank you

Answer
Hi Diana,

Kida are friends one day and not friends the next day. IfH a kid has friends one semester he may not have the same people as friends since they may not share the same classes. This is fairly common in any school situation. Especially so in high school and in junior high school.
Your son may need to seek out some extra-curricular activities like clubs, sports, even volunteer things that people his age do. If he is not now a church attender then he needs to start going. If he does not attend with you its okay if he goes by himself, Church is one place a person can always go by themselves. If there is a youth fellowship or life teen group at the church of choice then he should join it as it will bring him into contact with other kids his age.  He ma not be sports oriented but then again he might want to take up the game of tennis and if possible take some lessons from a teacher or coach of the game. He may be seeking attention and that would explain his acting out. Any attention is better than being ignored is how some young people feel. If there is a school sporting event happening at his school encourage him to attend it or ask him if he would mind if you went with him. There are usually some evening sporting events on Fridays or Saturdays and he would get to see his classmates. You can also encourage him to invite any of his classmates over to your home or offer to take him and a friend to a shopping mall or movie or restaurant. So there are a number of ideas you can try to get him to be more socialized. If he is perhaps being bullied by anyone you need to find out if this is why he does not seek companionship with other boys. Keep communication open with him and be on the lookout for any signs of depression, as in if he seems to withdraw from others and you ,or if he has a sad face on a lot of the time. He needs to know you are always there for him. I hope this gives you a few ideas to try to help him.  

Teenage Problems

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Jonathan

Expertise

I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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