AboutDan Expertise I was once an expert on Askme.com, yet because askme is going out, I feel I can help people here. I am an expert in many areas of life, so why not try to be an expert here. State your ages with questions. I do not give medical advice online
FAILURE TO INCLUDE AGES MAY RESULT IN FAILURE TO ANSWER(DECLINE QUESTION)
POST IN BEST AREA FOR YOUR QUESTION OR QUESTIONS.
Expert: Dan Date: 8/13/2007 Subject: Overbearing Mother
Question QUESTION: I'm 16 in Jersey and I have some major issues with my mother. My dad and I get along great, but my mom and I fight almost daily. I do really well in school, do extracurricular activities, and tutor kids. But, nothing I do seems to let her trust me. Even though I should have gotten a permit 7 months ago, her official response to my wanting to learn to drive is that I need to wait untill collage, she screams constantly over little things like cleaning my room or not getting the mail, she often threatens to send me to a psychiatrist when I start to cry because of her yelling, she always complains about clothes I buy that she doesn't approve of. The first reason she'll complain is that she thinks its too tight, which makes me feel fat which is becoming it's own problem in my head. although I'm a size 5 she wants me to buy extra large shirts. The second reason is anything that deviates from the norm will cause her to call me a freak, and sometimes for variety crazy. Also, if anyone of my friends is in anyway different, she decides that I'm "a cat lady for people" which means that i like to "collect" problem people for friends. She is just constantly a rude, nasty, and aggressive person, i see her demonstrate the same behavior with store clerks and the like all of the time.
My question is, how do I deal with her for the next two years?
ANSWER: Hi,
Good question. I recommend parenting teen expert James Windell. I also recommend us to talk for about her. Can you tell me about her when she is not yelling at you? Please ask follow ups
If she is using verbal abuse against you, you may want to call child services for advice.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: when she isn't yelling she's okay, but usually complaining about someone or something. Lately she's been very unstable emotionally, one day last week she threatened to stay in bed all day because the house wasn't clean enough, but she finally got out of bed because we were out of milk and she didn't want me walking to the store to get some. I have a suspicion that she is undergoing menopause or something. she also threatened to not go on the family vacation in a few days because my sister was not doing her summer work for a class. I really want to know how I can put up with her, I'm fairly sure she won't be changing anytime soon, but i want to know how to keep her, at bay.
ANSWER: Ok so you think it's because of menopause or such. Being a guy I don't know much about that. Only the very basics. I cannot state this is menopause for I am not a doctor. I do recommend reading on Webmd more about this and asking in our psychology area. I recommend you to see a family psychologist with her. Do you feel this would help?
When exactly did this problem start? What do you want to major in in college and why?
Please ask follow ups
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I just think that menopause might be the reason its been a bit worse lately just because shes a bit over 50, its really just a guess. It kind of always been a problem, we've never really gotten along as far as I can remember. I want to major in biology in college because I want to go to medical school afterwards, being a doctor has always been my dream and I have the grades for it.The problem with my mother has been constant, but after getting back from 3 weeks away from her (I took a physics class out of state) I realize more than ever that I'm happier away from her. I truly believe that if she was to back out of my life, I would be a happier person. The only thing I need from my parents at this point is financial support. It may seem stuck up to say that, but thats really the only thing I need from them as i cook for myself entirely (she refused to cook for me after I become a vegetarian over a year ago), I always make good decisions, and I truly believe that I could live my own life if I had the ability to support myself. I just wish my mother would back out of my life and let me make my own decisions.
Answer Hello again,
Just checking to see how you are. Really let me know if I can offer anymore help. I can give you my private email address if you want.
Hello,
I am going to recommend this third party website for help also:
www.nineline.org
I am so glad you have high goals for your future career. Biology studies as a BA or BS are two great choices. To become a doctor varies with what you need exactly to get into medical school.
As I am not a college expert here I won't recommend which one is better for your goals. Sorry. You need to talk to someone at your school for help with the roadwork to your goals.
I saw at the beginning verbal abuse and such. Yet, now your pointing out it may just be a drop above a mother's job. You also state it could be because of this disorder.
Honestly I do recommend contacting child services in verbal abuse cases. If you rather not, I understand. I recommend talking to your local doctor for advice and seeing if they agree it is menopause by the signs only. They may not be able to state for a fact or anything. I also recommend them for advice.
I recommend a trusted teacher, aunt, uncle, or someone else to talk to her about this problem at hand. She may not know how to act near a teen. Being a mother is a hard job.
I know you claim you don't need them, yet they are family and family is there for support and all. They are very important. She I am sure cares for you. She just has some issues. It's not uncommon.
My advice is seeing a family psychologist with her also.
Please ask follow ups
The child services in your state can offer advice in cases like this.
