AboutDan Expertise I was once an expert on Askme.com, yet because askme is going out, I feel I can help people here. I am an expert in many areas of life, so why not try to be an expert here. State your ages with questions. I do not give medical advice online
FAILURE TO INCLUDE AGES MAY RESULT IN FAILURE TO ANSWER(DECLINE QUESTION)
POST IN BEST AREA FOR YOUR QUESTION OR QUESTIONS.
Expert: Dan Date: 10/11/2007 Subject: My boyfriend
Question QUESTION: Hi my name is Markeisha I just turned 16 last Sunday and my boyfriends name is Felipe he will be 18 the end of May. We have been going out 4 months last Friday although I was just recently allowed to date on Sunday. My problem is that I feel that we are drifting apart but he seems content. I know that he loves me and he's not a very physical type of guy so I never really gave him any grief when we weren't close. That was until he came over my house one night and ever since then he has been asking to come over again and I keep telling him no. I feel that I shouldn't have taken that risk of having him in my house when i am not ready for sex and being alone with him knowing that he wants to have sex is a big temptation. I think that is part of our problem I'm not ready for sex...in my head I keep going back in forth on me being ready or not and I feel that I am not ready until I am consistent on yes. I know that sex comes with a lot of responsibilities that I don't know if I am ready for. I love kids and could probably mother a kid now but I'm not ready for one because I am not ready to give up my basketball and softball careers. We keep talking about it and he always asks me why and I tell him that too many of my friends are pregnant and I see that they had to give up a lot that I'm not ready to give up especially my body. I don't know what to do. It's not all about sex either just him kissing me and hugging me. We have been together for 4 months now and have only kissed and hugged once ( that night at my house on June 23) I really love him and don't know what to do to make things right with us. If you cant understand this then i understand i know that I've kind of been going in circles.
ANSWER: Hi,
Happy late birthday. It appears to me like he doesn't respect you. Trying to push you into something that is not right, risky, and maybe even illegal is just wrong. If he cares about you, he would respect you when you say no. He would respect your parents wishes for not wanting to date. Sorry about the truth.
Please ask follow ups
Talk to a doctor about sex risks.
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you. I know the sex risk and i guess i was kinda unclear. I put like 2 problems into 1.
That night we were really close to having sex but we didn't he left. He knows that I'm not ready for sex because we talk about everything. I have a friend that is 16 and pregnant and don't want that to be me. I told him that and he said thats what condoms are for. Typical guy. He understands that Im not ready for sex but i dont know if thats the reason that we are growing apart, because that same night I made him talk about his past that he hates to talk about. So since then we have been growing apart.
He wanted to talk to my parents to ask if he could date me before we went out but I said no. He wanted to wait till i was allowed to date but i said no. i felt a really strong attraction to him and didnt want to wait because I had already waited 9 months of talking and flirting.
I live in california and it's legal for us to date intill he turns 18 then i have to have parental consent.
I want him to kiss me and hug me or just hold me but he isnt that type of person. I think it has large to do with the way he was raised. I want to ask him but when I made him talk about his past I made him cry and I dont want to do that again.
I guess what Im asking is is there a way to fix our relationship without breaking up. I love him too much to break up with him, it would hurt me more then him.
ANSWER: Hi,
I don't know Ca law, so I won't say anything about the law here. You should talk to a lawyer with any questions you have about this.
Exactly what history of his past did he have problems speaking about and why? CONDOMS are not 100 percent protection. I don't promote nor recommend sex at your age period. Sorry. If you see what I see here, you will know why.
Ok two questions I have to ask you:
Why do you like him?
Why does he like you?
Ok one more for a bonus if you want:
Where did you meet?
Please ask follow ups
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I understand why you wouldn't promote teen sex. I have seen a lot of things on this site. I spend a lot of time reading plus I volunteer on this site also in teen dating issues, after I sent this.
I love him.
We can talk about anything, he makes me laugh, he's always there 4 me when I need him (which is a lot) and he has the best personality and smile ever.
why does he love me?
he says that he has only felt this way about one girl and he feels that way towards me.
We meet in science class i got switched out of chemistry because of a falling out with a teacher into his class and we sat right by each other....well not originally but as we talked more and more he moved closer and closer
Answer Hello again,
Just checking up to see how you are doing.
Let me know if you need anymore help.
Thank you for using Allexperts,
Dan
Hi,
Thank you for being my coworker. How do you like working here? Hopefully you enjoy it. I have a billion questions(feels like it), and recently I have been overloaded with those questions. So I will say right now sorry about any delays at hand.
I know you say you love him. I usually promote people to use the term like over "love" on this site for something like 90 percent of the cases that come to me that use the term "love" they mean "like". You may not be one of those cases, yet I have to explain to people how miss using the term hurts everyone. "Love" is such a big word, and it shouldn't be rushed into with saying it. Maybe you do love him, yet I see so many people here who say they love someone and they really don't.
Now onto your question:
"How to get the flame back into your relationship"
There are a lot of ways to do this. Sometimes a relationship needs a break to clear the air. Other times it needs a middle person to help guide eachother.
In your case I would like to try this idea(located below):
It's call the "truth game". Each day you are with him sit down for like 30 minutes and ask him 5 questions or subject areas(areas you would like to know more about) that you feel can help gain your relationship back on the road to success. He should also have 5 fair questions back to you.
BE RESPECTFUL AND KIND WITH THOSE QUESTIONS OR SUBJECT AREAS OF TALK. I have to say this because of another poster.
Why do I feel this game will help your relationship?
I tell people that you need talk, trust, and respect in your relationship. The game should make it easier to talk and make you TWO to become closer to eachother. Don't rush into the topic that made him cry. Instead try to ask why it made him cry, and how to avoid it in the future. Don't ask that question yet. WAIT with asking him about this.
Again remember respect is super important and he shouldn't rush you into anything. You should respect him that he isn't that type of guy that likes to kiss or such. Why do you feel he is that type of guy that wants sex? Kissing is something that should be easier than having intercourse. If he can't kiss, or hug(if allowed under the law), than why would he try sex? If you have sex, understand I have had lots of people breakup due to sex. I also had many posters tell me how they got sick because of such. I don't recommend it, PERIOD.
Please ask follow ups. We can work on the subject areas or questions if you want.
Hope I helped you so far.
One more rule about this game is that the questions/subject areas must be typed before hand and put in a hat. Fold them and you may get one of your questions that you ask about him. Sometimes two hats work better, however one hat can be great if the questions are done right. Take one question/subject out at a time and speak for a few minutes about this. Yep you may get your own question and should answer this.
One question could be:
1. What would you like to see different in your relationship in 1 year, and than 5 years?
Both sides can talk about this. The game has some flaws, yet if done right, it can be good. Remember respect.
