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Teenage Problems/teen masterbation

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Expert: Jonathan - 6/4/2007


Question
I have a 13 year old son, lately when i walk into his room, he is masterbating under the sheets, he is constantly doing this, i dont want to interrupt him or embarras him, so i walk away quickly and quietly - is this the right thing to do?   Should i take stronger measurement?

Answer
He is just learning about human sexuality and is learning what feels good to him.  Most parents or other siblings would just pretend not to notice.  Masturbation is common among all peoples of the world.  It is not something that should be looked upon as wrong or as a sin. He will suffer no ill effects from it unless he is made to feel guilty about it. This was the usual response of adults to children who masturbated.  Trying to stop a teen boy from masturbating is like trying to keep the rain from falling.  It isn't going to work.  If on the other hand he asks you questions about human sexuality thats an opportunity for you to talk to him and give him the correct information rather than him getting mis-information from his friends.  Don't be offendedif he does not want to talk about human sexuality with you.  Most teens are reluctant to speak to parents about the subject anyway.  For him this is a way for him to release tension that inevitably comes with going through puberty. His sexual instinct is being awakened.  You can try to instill wholesome values in his mind about respecting the opposite sex and help him to understand that sex is a gift from God.  That sex is to be reserved for marriage and for people who have made that exclusive committment.

Teenage Problems

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Jonathan

Expertise

I have dealt with many young people in a teaching environment as well as in teaching young people at tennis clinics. Since younger people have seen so little of the world their view of the world should not be shaped by the confines of what happens within their family unit. Its natural to be shy about developing relationships outside the home but young people need to know the other person is also probably just as shy as they are. If you havea problem then remember you are in good company. There are no new problems. Someone else has also had the same problem. If you need ideas on how to handle them or some choices to consider feel free to ask. I will answer questions about moral issues and how to handle such issues when they come up in your life. Continue reading about the issue of bullies which can be physical, emotional or sexual as well as bullies who use the internet to spread stories about you. You do not have to be teenager to ask a question here on how to handle this. If you are a pre-teen or tween you may also ask a question here.

Experience

I have taught children from 7th through 12th grade. It is all too common for young people to be shy or hesistate because they fear rejection from someone of the opposite sex. You do not have to be a teenager to ask a question here. If you are a pre-teen or "tween" as is commonly used now and are being "bullied" by someone and bullies can be other kids who hit you or as is becoming more common sexual bullying by name calling or spreading stories about you feel free to ask a question about what to do about it. There is also cyber bullying by people who may know you and there can be people who are pretending to be someone they are not who may insult you and try to destroy your self esteem. When you run into people who insult you its best to just block them and delete them or at the very least close down the messenger you are using. If anyone taunts you by calling you names or racial slurs or any slur that involves a persons sexual orientation you need to understand that the person doing that is trying to project their own questions about their own sexual orientation that they are questioning. This may sound complicated and it is. The people who are the most hateful in reality hate themselves and hate what they are desperately trying to convince themselves they are not (for example being gay or lesbian).

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